Page 36 of Little Wing
I grinned wildly at the thought of Silas swooping in to steal me, like a morally grey character in one of those romance novels the young girls were so crazy about. Vampires were already morally grey by default. We drank blood, seduced the innocent, and turned humans to our sinful lifestyle. At least that’s what people assumed. I was just Lotus. Simply grateful for having those around me who didn’t run and those who wanted to see me. The me beyond all the makeup, the clothes, the embellishments that dimmed my light.
“I think I’ll wear the black dress,” I announced, slipping it on and watching as the fabric hugged my subtle curves. It was a dress I had in my closet merely to look at, but never to wear. It was too revealing with its deep cutout that revealed substantial cleavage and thin shoulder straps that were one tug away from ripping. Definitely not suitable when I was to remain hidden away. But I still had it in my closet in hopes that maybe one day it would find more use than just being admired on its hanger.
“Oh, hell yeah, girl! Silas is gonna fucking ruin his pants the moment he sees you,” Reina cackled, hitting her head on the doorenough to startle her. “Ughhh, I’m gonna wait in the kitchen, but you better hurry up!”
My hand slowly ran up the textured fabric, feeling the black roses imprinted in velvet, before settling my hand on my exposed collarbone. The scarred flesh revealed for all to know how I came to be. When I was satisfied with the fit, I sat down at my vanity and stared intently at the reflection.
It was time for the real Lotus to come out of hiding.
The Lotus with skin so fair it almost glowed.
The one with cheeks and nose kissed with delicate freckles.
And eyes—eyes so far from blue now staring back a brilliant ruby with flecks of copper.
Tonight was not only about revealing myself to Silas, but also to my friends. They stood beside me from the moment we met. They found it in them to look past the quirks that others might have focused on. I knew very well what I was and what I looked like when I was just trying to follow my brother’s demands. In spite of that, my friends invited me to spend time with them and treated me with respect. If I was going to be sharing this part of myself with Silas, then it was only right that Reina and Kait got to see me first.
Before I left my room, I looked into the mirror, catching a glimpse of the woman I once worked so hard to conceal. After years of only sharing fragments of who I am, I continued to remind myself that what I was about to share with everyone would be worth it. Luca couldn’t have this power over me anymore.
Just the thought of my brother made my chest ache, a tightness that attempted to hold me back, but no—not this time.
“Lo, you coming? Ice is melting!” Kait called.
“I’m coming, I’m coming!”
I stood in the doorway to my room and looked out into the hall where I could see the shadows of my friends dancing on the wall. Would their joy fade when they would see me?
“I must warn you—I’m trying something new, so be gentle with me,” I said, doing my best not to let my voice waver. My anxieties were on high alert, but this had to be worth it. I just had to keep telling myself that.
“Oh, girl! Please don’t tell me you changed your mind on the black dress and dragged out that leopard print thing! I told you animal print is still out—Ouch! Kait!”
It’s alright, Lotus,I thought. I huffed a forced breath and stepped out into the hall. Each click of my heels against the floor reverberated in my bones. My slow-beating heart thundered in my ears. And when I finally made it into the living room where my friends could see me without any obstruction, I watched Kait set her glass down on the counter, flinching only when the glass clanked much harder than expected.
“This is—” I motioned to myself. “This is me.”
Reina was looking me up and down with her mouth ajar while Kait’s eyes settled on mine. It was a quiet understanding that she communicated with a tight-lipped smile. Kait knew. Rather than rushing to ask who did it or to offer sympathy, she raised her glass and took a sip of her drink.
“How do you feel, Lotus?” Kait asked before finally peeling her eyes from mine. “Good call on the black dress.”
“I feel like I should be re-introducing myself,” I laughed, though it truly did feel like the most honest introduction I could share with them. “But I feel good. Truly. I planned on doing this tonight and that was why I asked you both to be here, because I do not have many people in my corner. However, I have felt nothing but kindness fromyou and—” I glanced at Reina who was still busy looking me up and down. “Reina…”
“Shh…” Reina wagged her finger slowly in front of me. She stepped back, looked at Kait, and rolled her eyes. “I swear, here I am trying to think of something mildly inappropriate to say, but how can I?” She turned around and rushed to wrap her arms around me. “Thank you, Lo. Thank you for trusting us with this. Youryouis so beautiful.”
“Agreed,” Kait added, moving to join our embrace. “Thank you.”
The moment we shared was everything and more than I could have ever asked for. Taking these chances was like finally dismantling the indoctrination drilled into me by Luca.
Look, brother! Look—the people closest to me still see me as who I am! They still appear to admire me and call me a friend, a sister. Where are the torches and the calls for my death?
Kait and Reina received fragments of who I was over the years. They never shunned me or demanded more. They looked to me with kindness in their eyes and acceptance. And as much as I wanted to drop the final façade, I knew I couldn’t, not unless I wanted the family I found to be dragged into the very mess I ran from.
Sharing that moment with my best friends helped ease some worries about Silas seeing me. When they left my apartment, my confidence did not quake. Granted, he saw many women like me before. Vampire women who had no shame in who they were and carried their sex appeal like an accessory.
But despite that… I still held onto the excitement that I would finally be sharing this with him. He did help me find that courage after all.
When the phone did finally ring, showing Silas standing at the gate, I held it tightly against my chest and steadied myself for the descent down the stairs to meet him outside.
I looked up to whatever ethereal power there was and begged. If there was any kindness left for me in this universe, then please, please, please let this be worth it.
