Page 32 of Clear Shot
“I didn’t say I understood his reasoning, but I understand what’s happening.”
“If I go back to school, I won’t need him.” I explain my thoughts about that as well.
“But then you deplete your savings and, technically, there’s no guarantee you’ll get a job when you’re finished.”
“Exactly.”
“What do you want to do, Hana? Forget all the details of the marriage, his vasectomy, all of that. What do you want?”
That’s a tough one.
“I want everything,” I admit softly. “I want a career in the US. I want to go back to school. And I want him. I’ve always wanted him. I just knew it would be a disaster.”
“But now you’re his wife. Marriage of convenience or not, you are his wife in every sense of the word.”
“Not ineverysense,” I say.
She pauses.
“Oh. You haven’t yet consummated it.”
“No.”
“Because you were going to date and fall in love first.”
“Something like that.”
“When you first agreed to the marriage, he hadn’t said anything about dating or giving it a try, right?”
“Right.”
“And you married him anyway.”
“Yes.”
“So what’s changed?”
“Everything. What’s the point of discovering whether or not we can have feelings for each other if we don’t have the same goals? I’m not sure if I want children someday—but he’s already had a vasectomy.”
“They can be reversed, no?”
“I think so, but I’m not sure how it all works.”
“Maybe he’ll change his mind once you’ve been together for a while, when he sees how good it can be.”
“He’s twenty-seven and already had a vasectomy. I think he’s serious about his reasons for not having kids.”
“What about adoption?”
“I’ve honestly never considered that, but it’s an option. For me, at least. I’m not sure what his thoughts are.”
“So you’re going to leave him?”
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit. “At least, not until I find a job that will sponsor me.”
“If you don’t think you can work things out, staying will only prolong your misery,” she points out. “And you already have feelings for him.”
“Feelings, sure. But it’s not love.”
