Page 84 of Clear Shot
What in the actual fuck?
I truly didn’t believe it could be positive.
And yet—it is.
I stare at it in horror and immediately unwrap the second test so I can try again.
It has to be a mistake.
He had a vasectomy.
He’s been clear he doesn’t, under any circumstances, want biological children.
He’s going to be furious.
But so am I.
I would never have allowed unprotected sex if I’d known he was lying.
He wouldn’t have lied…would he? But why? It makes no sense.
And when the second test is also positive, I feel a wave of nausea stronger than anything I’ve felt to date. I heave into the toilet what feels like everything I’ve ever eaten, and then just sit there. Cold and sick and… betrayed.
There has to be an explanation, but I can’t imagine what it is. Is he truly one of the two in a thousand who had some sort of failure? Surgical error? Some random medical anomaly?
Tears sting my eyes and I vomit again.
And again.
Until I can barely breathe. Or move.
This is a disaster, and I’m not sure who I’m more upset with—Aiden or myself.
I have no idea how or when I’m going to tell him, but first, I need to see a doctor and verify this is really happening.
Then I’m going to have to think long and hard about what to do next.
I’m not the type of woman who would do something like this on purpose, so it’s hurtful to think that he did.
I cling to the idea that his vasectomy somehow didn’t work, but even that doesn’t ease the worry and fear churning through my gut.
Aiden won’twantthis child, no matter whose fault it is.
And I don’t think I can get rid of it. Despite the circumstances, this is our baby. Aiden’s and mine. A child made in love, even if it wasn’t intentional. I’m all about a woman’s choices, but this is different.
This is a baby I made with the man I’m in love with.
The fact that he won’t want it is soul-crushing.
I don’t know how we get past this, but deep down, I already know and understand that we don’t.
Wewon’t.
This will be the end of us.
And my life will be a complete mess because no one is going to hire a pregnant woman, especially since my specialty is sales. There’s a technical side to what I do, but in the end, I’m good atsellingsoftware, and my pregnancy will keep me from being able to travel for a while. Which means ultimately I can’t get a visa either—and I won’t stay married to a man who doesn’t want our baby.
I understand his reasons, but if there was any doubt about his inability to father a child, we should have been using protection. And now that there is a child—assuming both tests are right—the only option for me is to keep it.
