Page 38 of When You're Home
She didn’t know what to say. She knew what she wanted to say. She wanted this. She wanted him. But she wasn’t allowed to feel this way. She was in no position to make a decision like this—a commitment like this—in her current state of mind. But she also couldn’t bring herself to pull away and lose the possibility of what he was offering right now.
“Kiss me,” she finally demanded, yanking her hands out from under his shirt to pull his head down to meet her. She didn’t care if Rhett knew she was using sex to distract them from the mounting tension that was threatening to spoil their carefully crafted arrangement. He would never call her out on it, because he wouldn’t risk her pulling away for good.
She was desperate to snap out of this funk, to regain control of her emotions. She pressed her mouth to his with a ferocious hunger, frantic to fill the void of everything she stood to lose when he finally moved away.
Tori woke up with a start. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been asleep, but it was long enough to feel the deep cast of grogginess that set in after a really good nap. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep. She didn’t want to waste any of the time they had left together at the cabin, but after her emotional breakdown—and the way Rhett comforted her and made love to her and held her—she was wiped out.
Her exhaustion had been mounting for a while. She had been anxious for weeks leading up to this weekend. Then they stayed up late at the concert last night, and she drank those two beers. It made sense that she felt drained today.
“Hey,” Rhett greeted her tentatively. He was sprawled out on the mattress next to her, lying on his back in just his boxers. He stretched out the arm closest to her, inviting her in.
Tori didn’t say anything, but she shifted over to close the space between them. She curled her naked body into his side as he pulled her even closer. She relished the smell of his deodorant and the subtle musky scent lingering between them as she focused on him drawing little circles along her back.She let out a sigh and closed her eyes.
“I’m hungry,” she confessed, eager to cut through all the heaviness of her breakdown. Rhett chuckled in response.
“Do you realize that this weekend has just been a lot of me feeding you and fucking you?” he asked before reaching down to tickle her side.
“Yeah, but those are two of your favorite pastimes, so I figured I was doing you a favor,” she teased as she poked him in the stomach.
“You’re not wrong.” Rhett grinned as he freed his arm from under her body so he could use both hands to try and retaliate. She tried to fight back, but she was so much more ticklish than he was. It didn’t help that his stomach and his arms were covered in lean muscle, creating an impenetrable armor against any sneak attacks.
“Okay, okay! ENOUGH!” she exclaimed before scouting out of bed. “I’ll just starve if you don’t want to feed me.”
Rhett loved taking care of her, so although her words were spoken in jest, she knew they’d hit the mark. She rummaged through her bag and pulled out clean underwear, a pair of black leggings, her very best bra, and a tank top. She dressed in silence, facing the windows, acutely aware he was watching her from the bed.
She turned around to confirm her suspicions.Shit. Not only had she caught him looking, she also caught that look of adoration and devotion again. She knew that hazy look in his eyes, and she knew where it often lead.
“Look alive, Wheeler!” she snapped, borrowing an overused phrase they had both heard Mike shout hundreds of times in the kitchen at Clinton's. “I was serious about needing to eat.” She raised an eyebrow for emphasis.
“I know you were,” he responded sheepishly. “I was just teasing you, beautiful.” Tori rolled her eyes. Of course she knew he was teasing. She started to circle the bed and make her way to the kitchen, but not before grabbing one of his sweatshirts and pulling it over her head.
“I brought a frozen pizza. Want to have that?” Now it was Rhett’s turn to roll his eyes in response to her suggestion.
“Yeah, I know what you brought, V. Who do you think unloaded the car and unpacked all the groceries?”
“Oh, yeah. Thanks again for everything last night, Ev. For planning it. For taking care of me.” She made her way over to hug him. Rhett sat up and draped his legs over the edge of the bed, spreading them wide to make room for her. “I’m so glad we got to do this.”
He cupped her face in his hands before responding, “It really was an amazing night. You don’t need to thank me, though. You know I love taking care of you.”
It would be easy and expected for her to pull away from him right now—to make a sarcastic comment, crack a joke, or even scold him for using the “L” word in that context—but she didn’t want to employ any of her tried and true defense mechanisms. Not here. Not now.
Instead she just let him hold her between his legs, his thumbs brushing over her cheeks in adoration. Neither of them said anything for a few breaths. It was Rhett who eventually broke the silence.
“You know I’ll always do that for you, Tori. I will always take care of you if you let me.” He let the statement stand alone for a moment before continuing, “Anytime you want to go out, or have a few drinks…”
“No way,” she cut him off, pulling back to look him in the eye now that she knew the context of his offer. “I drank enough last night for the whole year, maybe for the whole decade.”
He looked pained at her rejection, but he recovered quickly. He ran his hands up and down the arms of her sweatshirt and gave her a slight smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
“I’m just offering, beautiful. We had so much fun last night. It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if you wanted to do it again,” he tried.
“I know we had fun last night, but that’s not happening again anytime soon. I just can’t be reckless,” she confessed. “You know that, and you know why. I don’t want to do anything to speed up the inevitable.” Her words were heavy between them: a dash of reality cutting through the unbridled joy of the last two days. A reminder of all the reasons why she was determined to let him go.
Rhett didn’t say anything right away. He held her at arm’s length, pensively stroking up and down her arms as his eyes searched her face for something.
“I know,” he finally relented. His words carried enough weight that she knew he understood the subtext of her defensiveness. She exhaled, grateful that he wasn’t going to push her.
“When’s your next scan?” he asked quietly.
