Page 74 of When You're Home
She heard her name being called from far away. She would worry about that later. Right now she had to go.
“Tori?”
She felt fingertips wrap around her arms. She was being lifted. Lifted up? No, lifted down. Her left leg was still numb, and now that she had changed positions, a million needles pricked her from the inside. She was on the floor. She wasn’t going to be able to stand up, let alone get out of here. Her body always betrayed her.
There were hands on her face. She blinked twice, then squinted her eyes. Fielding’s face came into focus.
“Tori, what the hell is going on? Are you okay?”
He was kneeling before her. He had her face in his hands. She noticed he had a few small freckles across the bridge of his nose. Were those new? She had never noticed those before…
Fielding’s freckles were cute, and she thought about teasing him, but then she remembered she didn’t want to be here. She could feel herself slipping away. Away was safe. Away was good. She had to get away from here.
“Tori!” he practically screamed. She could feel his hostility bubbling up. She didn’t want to be here when he lost his cool. Fielding wouldn’t hurt her, but she was tired of dealing with angry boys. Fielding wasn’t supposed to be the angry one. That special honor was reserved for her sad, angsty golden boy. Her golden boy. Yes, that’s who she needed right now.
“Call Rhett,” she whispered. She shook off his hands, letting her forehead rest against her knees. She hugged her legs closer to her chest. Her left leg still felt like it wasn’t even a part of her body. She was jealous—she didn’t want to be part of her body, either.
“What the hell are you talking about? What’s going on?” His words registered, but she didn’t know who he was talking to. She waited, listening closely for their answer.
“Did you fall? Are you hurt?” Fielding sounded panicked. She glanced around the room. Who was he talking to?
“Tori, I’m about to call 9-1-1…” he threatened. She let her head lift up slightly but kept her chin firmly planted on her knees. She locked eyes with Fielding.
“Call Rhett.”
Tori closed her eyes again. She was so damn tired. She felt Fielding pry something from her hands. He could have whatever he wanted. She didn’t care.
Her breathing had picked up considerably now that she was crumbled on the floor. Her lungs were fighting to suck in enough air, to turn oxygen into carbon dioxide. No, wait. Maybe her lungs wanted the carbon dioxide to get out? Did she always have to think this hard about breathing? She felt herself try to inhale. Nothing came in. Then she tried to exhale. Nothing came out.
“Goddamnit, I can’t find his number in your phone,” Fielding snapped.
That got her attention. Tori lifted her head and sat up straighter. Her body automatically—finally—pulled in a shaky breath. Fielding locked eyes with her again. She saw the panic in his face. Did he know what the nurse had just called to tell her?
He couldn’t know. No one knew yet. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. She didn’t expect it to be like this.
She heard a sad noise come from Fielding’s direction. It sounded like an injured animal. Did one of his roommates have a pet she didn’t know about? It sounded like it was in pain. She decided she should try and help it. She shifted her weight, attempting to stand up on her own. She felt her body rise slightly off the floor, then reconnect with the ground three seconds later. She glared at Fielding—had he just pushed her?
“Call Rhett,” she heard herself demand again. Yes. She nodded. That was a good idea. Rhett wouldn’t push her down. Rhett wouldn’t let Fielding push her down, either.
“Tori, I’m trying, I swear. You gotta help me out here. I can’t find Wheeler’s number in your phone. I sure as hell don’t have it. Do you know his phone number?” He had the saddest look in his eyes. She wanted to reach out and comfort him, to take care of him and to help him, just like she wanted to help that poor animal.
Focus.
Did she know Rhett’s number? Of course she knew his number. She watched herself from above: thirteen-year-old Tori splayed out on her purple bedspread, Nokia cell phone in hand. As soon as the clock hit nine, she dialed the phone number she knew by heart. She held her breath as the phone rang once, then a second time. She hadn’t seen him since they got off the bus that afternoon. She couldn’t wait to talk to him now…
“Hey, Jake, I’m sorry to call you at work, man.”
She heard Fielding talking again. He talked a lot.
“Tori is here and she’s freaking me out. She’s sitting on the floor, and she can barely speak. She just keeps telling me to call Wheeler, but I can’t find…”
“No, of course not. No. I’ve been with her all afternoon!” he bellowed. Talking and yelling. He sure did like to hear his own voice.
“She came over between classes. We were about to eat lunch when she got a phone call. It was taking a long time, and when I came in to check on her, I found her on the floor in the living room. It’s like she can’t hear me. I can’t get through to her. She just keeps telling me to call Rhett.”
A pause.
“Yeah. Yeah, that should work.” Fielding sounded so defeated.
