Page 86 of When You're Home
“Oh, I’ve felt it, beautiful. I’ve hoped for it. But the only way I was allowed to love you over the last six years was to keep my distance when you broke up with me, then to not get too close once you set the terms for our arrangement.” He shrugged, trying not to let the weight of his sadness come through his words.
“I thought I was doing the right thing by you at the time,” Tori muttered, picking at invisible lint on her leggings.
“And now?” he asked as he tightened his hold on her hand. They were in it now, whether she liked it or not. He wasn’t letting her pull away so easily this time.
She didn’t respond.
“What’s different now, Tori? I need to hear you say it to believe this is real.” He didn’t want to push her too hard, but he couldn’t resist giving her a little nudge.
She waited a few more moments before responding.
“I always thought I was protecting you. Protecting you from me, protecting you from my future. Nothing is different now, but everything is different now, too. As soon as I got the call, my brain and my body went on autopilot. I couldn’t have stopped myself from calling you, Rhett. It was beyond me. I don’t have the strength to keep you away and go through this alone. But I didn’t know that until I was finally staring down the barrel of a diagnosis. This is bigger than both of us. I was just trying to do right by you before…”
“The only thing that’s right for me is being with you, beautiful. Plain and simple. There’s only you.”
“That’s sweet of you to say, but we both know it’s not only me.”
“Tori,” he interrupted her, his tone serious and unwavering. He glanced at her through his peripheral but kept his eyes on the road. “Chandler is out of the picture. I broke up with her, finally. It’s only you.”
He felt the air shift between them.So much for keeping things light on the drive up.
She finally broke the silence. “I have to tell you something.”
He was almost certain he knew what she was going to say, but he made no effort to stop her. He needed to hear the words from her mouth.
“I didn’t sleep with Fielding at the party.”
There it was. Rhett dropped his shoulders and unclenched his jaw. He felt the darkness that had overshadowed his world for the last four weeks finally begin to dissipate.
“I’m so sorry I made you think I had sex with someone else in your bed. It was thoughtless and selfish. I wanted to hurt you. I just wanted to break you down and piss you off, but it backfired and worked too well. You believed me so easily…”
“I didn’t believe you at first, but so many other things clicked into place that morning. I know you’re sorry. I forgive you. We don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to.”
Tori whipped her head around to stare at him. “Wait, why aren’t you more upset with me right now? Just because I might be sick doesn’t mean I get a free pass,” she scoffed.
“Tori…”
“No, answer me. I just confessed that I lied to you and caused a huge fight between us that lasted over a month. I almost destroyed us, Rhett. If I hadn't gotten that call, you wouldn’t be here now. We wouldn’t even be speaking. Why aren’t you more upset with me?”
“I've had some time to think about it. Jake told me the truth yesterday.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t be mad at him, beautiful. I had him talked into a corner, and he had no choice.”
“What do you mean?”
“He told me you were with Fielding when you got the call. I was adamant that if I was coming home for you, that guy couldn’t be around. Jake told me the truth about that night because that was the only way to get me to calm down.”
“I’m sorry for what I made you think,” she apologized.
“Yeah. About that. I don’t think I’ve ever been more pissed off in my life, Tori. The last month has been torture. We can’t do that to each other ever again.”
“I know. It was so low. To be honest, I was shocked when it worked and you actually believed me. I’ve never wanted anyone else, Ev. I know I always acted like our arrangement was to keep you from getting too attached, but I needed it as a constant reminder not to fall too hard, too.”
Rhett gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles paled.
“Fuck, Tori. I’ve spent the last six years wanting more. Wishing it was only you and me, hoping you loved me the same way I loved you… It was there all along, wasn’t it?”
