Page 26 of While You're There
“Correct. In your case, fertility preservation would involve stimulating ovulation so multiple eggs mature during one cycle. Then we would harvest them and freeze them, either as eggs or fertilized embryos. If and when you want to use them, you’d have to use a gestational carrier, and they would undergo IVF. It’s worth mentioning that insurance doesn’t cover all aspects of fertility preservation or surrogacy, and there are yearly storage fees and other costs to consider.”
“Money isn’t a concern,” Rhett said before turning to face Tori. His face softened as he tried to reassure her. “We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. I know where things stand. I’m good,” he whispered under his breath. If his suspicions were right, then this whole conversation was for his benefit, but she didn’t need to do this. He didn’t need to hear it. He’d always known her choice.
The conversation might have concluded there if the doctor didn’t follow up again. “The expenses associated with IVF and surrogacy are usually the biggest obstacles individuals face when they’re considering fertility preservation. Can I ask why you’ve ruled it out as an option if money isn’t a concern? If it’s because you don’t want children, that’s perfectly acceptable. I would never question that response. I’m not judging your choices, just seeking to understand.”
Dr. Silko glanced in Rhett’s direction in a clear effort to turn the conversation into a dialogue. He had no plans to interject again unless Tori specifically asked him a question.
Tori didn’t reply right away, but she did finally reach for his hand. He interlocked their fingers and gave her a gentle squeeze.
“There’s no way I can do that to a child,” she insisted, her voice barely above a whisper. He could hear the tremble in her tone without looking over at her. Grief had held her hostage for the last twelve years. It robbed her of her adolescence, and in a way, it orphaned her, too.
When Tori’s mom died, she also lost her parental relationship with her father. Suddenly she was his caretaker, the support person he relied on just to put one foot in front of the other. Paul Thompson still lived in that grief most days. He relied on his daughter emotionally and financially. Tori never let the weight of caring for her father drag her down, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a burden she consistently had to bear.
“I can’t in good conscience make the choice to bring another life into this world and know that I may not be around for them. I won’t do that to them. I won’t do that to Rhett. Or worse, I can’t bring a new life into this world knowing they might have to go through this exact same thing I’m going through now. I would rather never have a child than have a daughter who has to sit in this seat and make the choices I’m making today.”
A daughter. He bit down on the inside of his cheek again, harder this time. He steadied his hold on Tori’s hand as he tried to remain stoic. His feelings weren’t her burden to bear.
Dr. Silko pursed her lips and tapped her pen against her portfolio a few times before she spoke. “One of the most surprising benefits of risk-reducing surgery is the dissipation of anxiety patients experience when it’s done. By the time you’ve had both procedures, you will be even less likely than the general female population to have breast or ovarian cancer.”
Tori nodded but said nothing else, so Dr. Silko continued.
“It’s also worth noting that there’s no chance of passing along the BRCA1 mutation to an embryo.”
Tori continued to nod silently. She was going into shutdown mode. He had told himself he wasn’t going to interject again, but he didn’t want her to leave the office with unanswered questions.
“What does that mean?”he asked.
The doctor glanced over at him without turning her head before settling her gaze on Tori once again. “Preimplantation genetic diagnosis allows us to assess an embryo to detect whether it has certain mutations. It’s a fairly standard procedure nowadays to check for birth defects, but in cases like yours, we can look for additional markers, such as tumor-suppressing genetic mutations.”
This was all news to Rhett. He sensed it was news to Tori, too. Her fingers were rigid and unyielding in his hand. Her eyes were cast forward, unblinking. He had no idea what was going through her mind.
“You could guarantee my baby wouldn’t have the BRCA1 gene?” Tori finally choked out. She sucked in a gasping breath before adding “I didn’t even know that was possible.”
He was on his feet the second he heard her voice crack. He gripped her elbow, encouraging her to stand up and let him hold her. He didn’t care if they were in the middle of a doctor’s office. He couldn’t bear to watch her breakdown. He couldn’t not hold her. Not after not being allowed to hold her like this for so long.
He wrapped his arms around her and engulfed her upper body, one palm settling against her back as he brushed the other hand over her hair. He could feel the rapid rise and fall of her chest against his as her breathing picked up. She made a muffled choking sound as a shudder worked through her.
“Hey, hey, shhh….” he comforted as he hugged her tighter. “You’re okay. I’ve got you, V.” She didn’t respond, and he could feel the trembling in her body grow stronger, even as he held her. It took everything in him not to let his own body quake. He inhaled deeply, taking a steadying breath for her as much as himself.
He turned his head to meet the doctor’s gaze as he continued to hold Tori in his arms. “I think we’re going to need a little more time to process all this.”
She nodded in understanding and gave him a sympathetic smile. “Tell you what. I’m going to give you my card with my cell phone number on it. Take the next few weeks to talk things over, and do your own research. We wouldn’t be able to begin any sort of fertility preservation plan until the start of your next menstrual cycle anyways, so you’ve got a few weeks to figure things out.”
Rhett unwound one arm and accepted the card from the doctor. He nodded appreciatively in her direction before picking up Tori’s medical files. They may have more questions than answers after this appointment, but he was confident they could check one thing off their list. They had found the doctor Tori needed and deserved.
Chapter eleven
Tori
“Ijustneedaminute,” she insisted as she shrugged Rhett’s hand off her shoulder. She didn’t even remember walking out to the parking lot, but they were somehow already at the car. She rested her elbows on the top of the Prelude and blew out a long, shaky breath before she glanced back at him. “I’m okay,” she tried to assure him. The helpless look on his face told her he saw right through her words to the flurry of emotions threatening to spill over.
So much of what Dr. Silko said was exactly what she wanted to hear. But then there was the fertility preservation conversation. She thought she knew everything there was to know about egg retrieval and fertility treatments. She thought she knew it all. To find out that there was a way to ensure any biological children wouldn’t have the same genetic markers that haunted her should have been joyful news. But it felt more like an unexpected earthquake to Tori.
The foundation of everything she thought she knew had just fractured. She was straddling a fault line, and she had almost no time at all to decide which direction to jump.
“V…” Rhett’s voice was laced with concerned even as he stood on his side of the car to give her the space she requested. “What can I do for you?”
“I’m fine, reall…”
