Page 78 of While You're There
LeavingColumbuswasoneof the hardest things he’d ever done. Every action, every step forward was a bitter and merciless reminder of what he was leaving behind. His ex, who was still bleeding from losing their child. His car, which was stranded in the long-term parking garage at the airport since he didn’t know when he’d be back to Columbus.
He had stayed with Chandler on Sunday and Monday like she requested. She seemed to be improving, so much so that she had wanted to eat dinner at the table last night and then hang out in the living room while watchingThe Bachelor. She said the bleeding had slowed and the cramping was less. She hadn’t even taken a Vicodin that morning before he left, insisting that Tylenol would be enough.
He was glad she’d let him handle calling her off work. A cordial but solemn email to her boss from his own work account was all it took to excuse her for the whole week with a written guarantee there would be no consequences or marks on her employee file.
Knowing how to say goodbye to her—to the would-be mother of his child—was all sorts of painful. Even the mechanics of it were awkward: he went in for a hug, she kept her arms resting at her sides. He told her to take care of herself and to let him know if she needed anything, but his parting words felt shallow.
He didn’t know when he’d even see her again unless she asked him to come back to Columbus for some reason. And he didn’t see that happening: She was already claiming she felt better and that she’d be able to get herself to the follow-up appointment she had scheduled for Friday. She promised to text him and keep him updated. Beyond that, they were done.
He had been so angry the last time they saw each other in a random parking lot of Easton University. He had never had a problem saying goodbye to Chandler before. This was the first time he had ever struggled to walk away.
There was a harsh duality to Chandler’s confession about him leaving. Once he left her place, it was all over. He had to let go of a version of his life he didn’t even know was a possibility until it was ripped out from under him. The longing to freeze a moment in time and honor the life that could have been for their baby resonated deep in his soul.
His baby.
Fuck.
How was it possible to ache for a tiny human he had never even met?
He had tortured himself over the last forty-eight hours with a million what ifs. He couldn’t help it—it was just the way his mind worked. He spent all his sleepless hours scrolling on his phone while keeping an eye on Chandler, wanting to be close in case she needed anything in the night. He researched college savings plans, just out of curiosity. He read consumer reports about the best strollers and baby carriers. He even watched instructional videos on the proper way to install an infant car seat.
His mind wandered beyond the practical issues, and his subconscious peppered him with more specific questions. Where would Chandler and the baby live? How often would he have gotten to see his child? Would the baby look more like Chandler or him?
Then there was the loudest question that reverberated in his mind. The question he wouldn’t allow himself to think through or answer. What would Tori think if he’d had a baby?
He felt like he had barely talked to his wife since she went home to Hampton with Jake. They had exchanged their usual daily check-ins, and he had kept her updated on his modified travel plans. But every text was cordial, every call surface-level and painstakingly formal. It felt like he hadn’treallytalked to his wife since he sent her away from the hospital. They had so much to talk about. And yet there was no time or opportunity for them to actually connect. He missed her so damn much.
To add to the density of the heartache between them, Tori had gone to her first egg retrieval appointment yesterday. Alone. The irony of the timing was a proverbial punch in the gut.
When she had first got the call about her inconclusive blood work, he had vowed that he would be by her side through everything. But he wasn’t there for her yesterday, and now he wasn’t sure if he could make it back to Hampton until Friday because of his unexpected time off with Chandler.
He had inadvertently broken his promise, and Tori was alone because of his choices. She was alone, going through the motions to ensure they had the option to have kids someday if they decided they wanted to, while he was alone, mourning the loss of a child he hadn’t even known existed until it was too late.
Rhett fiddled with his phone as the flight attendant made a final pass through the business class cabin. They would be landing in Norfolk in the next ten minutes. He was anxious to get on the ground and into the office. He’d been in touch with Quinn over the last few days, and everything seemed to have settled in the aftermath of the storm that had disrupted so much of their operations over the weekend. But he’d feel better once he was physically there, elbows-deep in work.
Work was what he needed. A few long days at the office would help him get back on track, or at least distract him long enough to let his nervous system calm down.
“Can I get you anything else?” the flight attendant asked as she removed the empty cup and mini bottles from his tray.
“No, I’m all set. Thank you though.”
Rhett continued to turn his phone over in his hand, working his jaw back and forth as the cabin pressure built up in his ears from the descent. After spending the first half of the weekend with Tori, then spending the last few days with Chandler, he hadn’t been without company in days. There was a grating discomfort that came with being alone with his thoughts now. He didn’t know how to shake the feeling that something else horrible was about to happen; he couldn’t reel in his mind from wondering what the hell the Universe had planned for him next.
He unlatched his seatbelt as soon as he felt the wheels of the plane hit the tarmac. He was out of his seat before the flight attendant finished the announcement that it was safe to do so. He was the first person off the plane as soon as the door opened.
He strode down the jetway with purpose, switching his phone off airplane mode as he merged into the foot traffic of the crowded airport. He had texted Tori and Jake right before takeoff, but he hadn’t heard back from either of them yet. He double-checked that his messages had gone through. Tori hadn’t seen his message yet, and Jake had left him on read without responding. He blew out a frustrated breath as he slowed his steps and rested his carry-on bag against a row of empty seats.
He had a nagging compulsion to let someone—anyone—know where he was. He debated texting his mom or maybe Maddie. But they had gone up to Michigan to clear out the cabin, and it’s not like they knew anything about his disrupted travel plans anyways.
Chandler hadn’t asked him to let her know when he landed, so he wouldn’t.
His dad wasn’t big on texting.
His granddad would expect him in the office immediately if he knew Rhett was finally back in Norfolk.
Jake was ignoring him.
Tori hadn’t seen his text.
