Page 78 of When You're Gone
And this time, she knew it was for good.
She’d barely had time to process his words from last weekend before they were hit with the shitshow of the latest drama. She had no idea what to do next: how she could prove to him that she wanted him. How could he not know? Wasn’t the pain that overwhelmed them every time they parted proof enough of what they shared?
She didn’t know what she was going to do. For now, she’d just cry. She’d let herself feel it—let herself experience every emotion that bubbled to the surface when she thought about the longing, the pain, and the heartache of the last ten years.
They had been everything to each other. Best friends. First loves. Exes. Friends-with-benefits. But what were they now? Who were they now? And were they both willing to commit to that new version of forever?
He had called them broken. He said they had made a beautiful mess. She knew she had been the frontrunner in most of the breaking. Rhett had held steady—held her up, loved her unconditionally, been her everything—for all those years. Now it was her turn to stitch them back together.
She was so lost in her thoughts that she yelped when a hand cupped her shoulder.
“Baby,” Jake murmured, sympathy and softness emanating off him in waves. “You can’t stay out here all night.”
She squinted up at him through the dark. Night had officially fallen, even though she had no idea what time it was. “What are you doing here?” she demanded. She wasn’t upset with him. But she felt defensive from being caught unaware and vulnerable, alone in the middle of the woods.
He extended a hand to pull her to her feet. “Can I take you home?”
“I don’t even know where home is anymore…”
“Come on,” he urged. “It’s cold out here. We’ll pick up food, and you can stay at my place tonight. Please?”
She hesitated for a few seconds, then finally accepted his hand and let him pull her off the rocks. They walked back through the meadow without another word. She was chilled to the bone, numb on the inside and out. Jake turned up the heat as soon as they were buckled in the Jeep.
“How’d you know I was out here?” she asked as she lifted her bandaged hands to the air vents.
She looked over to make sure he’d heard her when he didn’t answer right away. “Jake?”
“Do you think he’d leave you with no way home?”
Of course he’d called Jake. Her selfless, thoughtful golden boy. Except he wasn’t hers anymore. At least not in the ways that mattered.
“I really fucked up.”
Jake was silent as he put the vehicle in reverse and started the drive back to Hampton. When she realized he wasn’t going to respond, she doubled down.
“How could he come into town for one day, then just leave again so easily?” Her tone was harsh, her voice louder than necessary. “He keeps telling me I have to want him—to choose him, but I’m so afraid he doesn’t want me the way he used to. After what I made him do with Chandler? After what I almost did with Fielding? How could he possibly still love me after I almost destroyed everything?”
She slumped back in her seat, breathing hard from her tirade. Jake had barely reacted to her outburst. His eyes hadn’t even left the road. Finally, he huffed out a reply.
“Don’t be stupid. He loves you. He loves you so deeply he forgets himself sometimes. You don’t think it’s killing him to walk away like this? Come on, baby. You know him better than that. His love for you has no limits and knows no bounds.”
His reassurance galvanized her as she took in a steadying breath. But he wasn’t done.
“That said, I’m glad he left.”
Her eyes went wide as she balked at his words. What the hell did he…
“I’m glad he left, because it proves that he still loves himself; that his sense of self-preservation and worthiness are coming back. He didn’t leave because he wants to be without you. He left because he wants to be worthy of you. He’s tried so damn hard to get better for you, to keep it together for you. He’s put in the work, and now he wants you to be whole with him.”
Tori buried her head in her hands as she began to cry for what felt like the hundredth time that day. Jake said nothing else, but that was okay. There was nothing left to say. She knew his shrewd assessment wasn’t intended to be cruel—it was simply the truth. The hard, jagged, ugly truth that she’d been so desperate not to face.
Rhett’s selflessness had always been the flaw in their love, the fault in their fated connection. He loved her so deeply, so blindly, so irrevocably, that he forgot to love himself.
His entire world revolved around her happiness, her health, her satisfaction. She had allowed him to pour into her for so long that now she was drowning. She was drowning, and he had wrung himself dry.
It wasn’t about them not loving each other. It wasn’t about attraction or desire. It was about balance: his selfless love that couldn’t be tapered or tamed in contrast to her long-harbored habit to hold back, play smaller, and not let her hopes get too high. She had never felt worthy of his love, and she had always feared having to reciprocate that level of devotion.
There was no question Rhett loved her. Wanted her. Would spend the rest of forever waiting for her. The only question now was whether that was fair to him, especially if she wasn’t willing or able to rise up and match his level of sacrifice. What could she possibly do to match his devotion?
