Page 90 of When You're Gone
Tori bites down on her lower lip and nods so fast I almost laugh. I like that she’s into this. I’m starting to let myself feel just as eager. She’s been Rhett’s girl forever—always has been, always will be—but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that she’s smoking hot. Tonight she’s wearing this baby blue bikini that’s almost see-through now that it’s soaking wet. Her blond hair’s all tied up on the top of her head in a messy, sexy poof, and I can clearly see a hickey blossoming on her throat where Rhett must have marked her before I arrived.
“And you’re not just doing this for Jake?” he confirms, louder this time, as he runs his tongue up her neck before latching on to the skin right under her ear. She makes this breathy whimper that has me spreading my legs wider.
“I want this,” she pants, doing something underwater I can’t exactly see but can imagine based on the way Rhett’s eyes almost roll to the back of his head. His hands explore her body with a steady familiarity, grazing over her shoulders, past her chest, onto those perfect, perky tits I can see clearly through her bathing suit. She mewls when he pinches her nipples through the fabric, then she cries out when he pinches her harder. He sits up straight and braces her back against his chest, locking her in place before he speaks again.
This time, his words aren’t a warning; they’re a promise. “I’m gonna make you come hard tonight. Jake’s going to hear you. He’s going to see what it looks like when you unravel…”
She moans—she freaking moans—when he mentions me watching her come.
Fuck.
Shewants this?
Iwant this.
Wait. What? No, not what. I’m not questioning this. They’re into it. I’m desperate to blow off some steam. I’m just going to go with i
But...
Shit.
It’s not fair to let them put on a show for me without telling them I’m enjoying a double feature.
I know it shouldn’t matter… but it does. It really freaking does. I’m not attracted to my best friend, but I never want to give him a reason to doubt me. It doesn’t feel right to watch them without informed consent from both of them. It would be lying by omission to sit here and pretend I’m only turned on because of Tori.
Problem is, I’m not interested in having that conversation tonight.
But now I can’t stop them without a valid reason.
Goddammit.
I huff out a sigh, pissed at the shred of morality in me that decided tonight was the night to make an appearance. But Rhett and Tori are my closest friends. Tonight, more than ever, it feels like they’re the only people who see me, who give a shit about me in any capacity. I’ve gotta put a stop to this before they take it any further.
“All right, all right. Stop playing. We’re not really doing this,” I dismiss, fixing my gaze on the bubbles breaking at the surface of the water. No one says anything for a breath, then another. God, I feel like an idiot.
Tori’s voice is breathy and low when she finally breaks the silence. “Jake… it’s fine… You’re good. We won’t let it be weird. Tell him it’s fine, Rhett.”
“You’re good, bro,” my best friend confirms. “Tori likes being watched, apparently.” There’s a tease in his tone that tells me this isn’t news to him.
I don’t bother lifting my head before I speak again. I don’t want to see their reaction when I say the words out loud.
“It’s not fine. There’s… there’s something you should know… before…”
I feel like a twelve-year-old about to admit to all the guys on my little league team that my balls still haven’t dropped.
I clear my throat once. Then again.
Every ounce of rage that had disappeared over the last few minutes returns and multiplies. I’m pissed off that I even have to say it. I’m ashamed by my own hesitation in sharing this with my best friends. My mind goes blank, and my body goes numb when I finally utter the words out loud.
“I’m bi.”
There.
Done.
Except…
I need to make sure they understand. So I continue.
