Page 64 of The Story of Us
The idea of Nate having a special name for her, noticing something so small andlikingit, gave her the push she needed to move forward.
“Nice night,” Eloise murmured as she scooted around to where Nate and Echo were.
“Here.” He made room for her next to him, lifting the blanket and encouraging her to snuggle right in. It was like they’d done this a million times before. A flash of images assaulted her, playing like a movie in her mind. This was what she was going to miss. Nights cuddled in front of a fire—and on the couch, in bed, the shower, wherever—to match a life lived together.
Stop it. If Eloise fell down the ‘what-if’ rabbit hole, she’d never get to enjoy what was right in front of her or convince Nate that when she came back, they could pick up from where they’d left off. Maybe he could even visit?
“How was your day?” Nate asked, slipping his arm around her and pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. Her three layers of clothes, including a coat designed for snowy winters—not so important in Wattle Junction—did nothing to stop the shiver spreading throughout her body.
“My leave was approved.”
Nate hummed his approval, and his chest vibrated under her fingertips.
“O said you gave them a speech they couldn’t refuse.”
“When did you see Owen?”
“We did a workout at his place this afternoon.”
Eloise loved how close Nate was to his family and was about to tell him that when Echo sat up, suddenly alert. She barked. Once, twice, three times before scampering off into the shadows.
“Will she be okay?”
“She won’t go far. She never does.”
Her worry for Echo abated, and Eloise let herself sink back into a deep feeling of contentment. She was so warm and cosy cuddled against Nate, and all she wanted was to be even closer to him. His hand moved from her shoulder to the back of her neck, his thumb pressing in gently, easing some of the tension caught there. “That’s nice,” she said, offering more of her neck to his talented fingers. She swallowed, becoming aware of how the air around them had heated up, how Nate’s musky cologne mingled with the smell of the fire. She closed her eyes, giving into the moment, shifting her body so her hand landed on his thigh. The reminder of his size and strength was right underneath her palm. Eloise mimicked his movements, applying a little pressure as her hand crept higher and higher.
I can do this.
I want to do this.
Just because her previous experiences had been terrible didn’t mean this one was going to be too.
Nate’s quad tensed—actually, his whole body stilled—firming up behind her. His breath puffed out in quick bursts followed by a sharp inhale when she hooked her pinky over the lump in the front of his pants.
“Sorry!” Eloise jerked her hand away, using it to hide her face. “I got carried away, and I shouldn’t have done that without asking.”
Carefully, Nate prised Eloise’s hands off her face. “That was a good gasp. Best one I’ve had in a very long time, in fact.”
She bit her lip, desperate to believe him, but a cruel voice appeared in her mind, reminding her that she didn’t have a past like his. While Nate had been out learning about life and women, she’d had a couple of terrible sexual experiences and buried herself in her study and her work. Her early twenties had passed by in a flurry of self-imposed community service.
Probably, she was defective. One of those women who were simply too complicated. Too preoccupied with making a mistake to just let things happen. Who didn’t think about what underwear they put on each day because their drawer was full of sensible, cotton options and the most exciting thing in it was a bikini cut.
Nate was going to be disappointed. She didn’t know the right noises to make or the correct way to move. He wouldn’t laugh at her—no, he was far too kind to do that—but he’d let her down gently. Tell her this ‘attraction’ was nothing more than a misjudged moment between friends. That she was leaving anyway. Like a turtle hiding in its shell, Eloise withdrew into herself. The air cooled, stinging her cheeks.
“What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?” Nate reached for her hands.
“I’m not … This is …” Oh God. This was horrendous. Eloise dropped her chin to her chest, anything to avoid looking at Nate right now. Seeing the pity surely on his face.
“Hey, hey.” His gentle tone made it all so much worse. “Talk to me, please. We can go at your pace.”
The problem was it appeared her pace was glacial.
“I’m not like other women. Not that I know much about your past. Well, Charlie’s told me some stories. I’m going to disappoint you.” Her voice had trailed to a whisper by the end. Why would it be any different with him when it had been bad with everyone else? Whenshe’dbeen bad. It was possible to chalk up one lacklustre experience to not having enough chemistry. Maybe even another with someone different to nerves. But it had never been good. And the feedback was always the same. Eloise was good at lots of things. Sex just wasn’t one of them.
When Nate leant away from her, Eloise’s stomach crashed to the ground because it was so true what everyone said. There was no way to have it all.
21
