Page 17 of In the Long Run
Guilt clouds his face for a second before clearing.‘You were out field when it happened.On that big training exercise the Yanks come over for.’
I have a staff job right now, but my previous posting was with a unit that flew unmanned aerial vehicles, and I spent a lot of time on courses or out field.For a second the flame of betrayal burns brighter as I wonder why Yeti or Celeste never mentioned a fire.But Yeti hadn’t posted to Melbourne yet, and Celeste was going through her own stuff back then, too.
‘I made a mistake with my insurance.Accidentally let the policy lapse.Alizée’s had to close for five months, and I had to cover the repair costs myself.That was when they found the asbestos and it had to be checked.Then Mum needed to move into aged care, so I maxed out my redraw on this place.’
The mention of his mother sets my heart hammering.She and Eug might not hold me accountable for what happened to her, but I’ve never been able to forgive myself.
‘Add in the cost-of-living crisis and people are spending less on non-essential items.I don’t know how we’re still going.Or,’ he pauses, throat working hard, his eyes squeezing shut and then opening again, ‘if I’ve got the fight left in me to keep going.I’m old.I’m tired.I’m busted up.Sometimes you have to recognise that it’s time to give up.Let go of the dream.’
‘You should have told me.’But even as I say the words I know why he didn’t.Celeste might think I’ve got the heart of a protector, but I learnt from the best.Eugene has always put me first, even though he had no obligation to do so.
He addresses the blanket instead of me.‘I thought I had things under control, but you know how it goes – life keeps giving you lemons.Unfortunately they weren’t the type I could turn into lemon meringues.’
‘I could’ve helped.’It’s true, too.The benefit of losing everything at such a young age means I’m very careful with everything now.My heart.My money.Living on base and eating at the Mess keeps my expenses down.Not that it matters.I’d give Eugene my last dollar without hesitation.
‘But I didn’t want you to.The mistakes of others aren’t your responsibility, Knox.When are you going to believe that?’
I flinch because his words poke at a wound that feels like it’s never going to heal.
Eugene’s shoulders slump.‘I don’t mean it like that, mate.I know you don’t like to talk about the past.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
Eugene shakes his head.‘It matters to me.I’m supposed to be looking out for you, not coming to you for a handout because I made a stupid mistake.’
What goes unspoken is the reference to how I periodically get those requests from my parents.Never a ‘hello, how are you, we miss you, we’re sorry’.Just a text or email with bank details and a new version of the sob story they’ve been peddling for the last twenty years.But I push aside the lump that appears in my throat whenever I think about the people who were supposed to love me and never did.I swallow until speaking doesn’t feel impossible.
‘Do you really want to close Alizée’s?’I ask.The gruffness in my tone isn’t helpful but all the feelings inside me have to come out some way.
‘I think it’s the right decision.’The fact that he still won’t look at me tells me everything I need to know.
‘What if you give me a chance to see if I can turn it around while I’m here?’
‘I don’t know, mate.It’d be a lot of work.’
‘But what if I can come up with a sustainable business model so there’s less pressure on you?I’ve got ideas already.’
The first one: pay off the pâtisserie’s debts with my savings and get it back in black.
The second: call in that favour with Gen and find a way to keep it there.
7
GEN
Meredith is wedged between the toilet and the tiny sink in the small bathroom that’s attached to the office at her and Bernie’s gym.Nudging the door closed with my heel, I kneel in front of her.‘What’s happened?I came as soon as I got your text.’
‘I … I …’ She swipes at the tears spilling down her cheeks and just like that, I’m ready to burn down the world.Find whoever made her cry and make them pay.Hopefully it’s not Bernie, because that guy once got hit by a car while riding his bike and all he got was a scratch on his elbow.The car was written off.I don’t think I can take him.Doesn’t mean I won’t try, though.
‘I think I’m pregnant,’ Meredith sobs, and then buries her face in her arms.
Oh.‘So these are happy tears?’
Her shoulders shake.‘I wasn’t expecting this.’
‘Should I go get Bernie?’He’ll be with one of his PT clients, but he won’t mind being interrupted if Meredith needs him.If I didn’t love them both, it would be nauseating how obsessed with each other these two are.No one would blink if they started walking around with cartoon hearts in their eyes and woodland creatures singing around their feet.I used to be so mad at Bernie, because before him I was Meredith’s person.We’re so close in age we’re almost twins, and it’s always felt like we are.
So maybe I don’t hate it when she blurts out, ‘No, not Bernie.’She shakes her head and another river of mascara runs down her cheeks.‘I don’t want to disappoint him.’Her breath catches and she blinks up at the water stain in the ceiling.‘Not again.’
