Page 56 of In the Long Run
‘He touched you?Who is this asshole?’All the lines and angles that make up Knox’s body tense.It’s a physical reminder that Knox always wants to protect the people he cares about.My cheeks heat at the thought that he might care about me, which is dumb.He keeps showing me that he does, like telling me that he wants to kiss me or last night when he walked away.At first I was confused about why he’d backed down.But later, as I’d laid in bed, my fingers tracing the spot on my cheek where he’d kissed me, I’d realised.The second I said I didn’t know what I wanted, he’d stopped.
‘It was an accident.’The more I think about it, the more sense this makes.
‘But he scared you?’
I lick my lips before whispering, ‘Yes.’
‘Then that’s not okay.’
‘I panicked.Remembered everything Mum said last night and all the other stuff that female runners have to put up with.’Mostly, I’m disappointed in my reaction.
‘What do you mean,all the other stuff?’
‘Have you ever been told not to run outside?Or that you should carry a personal alarm?To not tie your hair up in a ponytail because it’s easier to grab?To wear clothes that are hard to remove.To look like a woman.To not look like a woman.That if the streetlights are on it’s not safe for you.Or that you should always leave something in the tank so you can literally run for your life if you have to.’My throat’s raw when I finish speaking.
‘People have said this to you?’
‘Not just me.It happens to every woman who runs.’
‘That’s not okay.’
‘It’s not.But it’s the reality, and this morning it all got too much for me.For a second, I thought it was Brand and I was …’ My head pounds harder.‘I was scared, but it wasn’t him.The build was all wrong and the voice.And then I thought about the guy from the news and I panicked.’
‘You should call the police.’
I know he’s right.Mum and Dad always drilled into us that anything suspicious should be reported.
‘Just tell them what happened.Maybe it was an accident.Or maybe it was something else.Let them decide.’
My shoulders sag.
‘I’ll stay with you.’
I should send Knox away.Tell him that it’s fine.But I don’t want to, so I do something very uncharacteristic: I let myself take comfort in someone else’s presence.He wraps his arm around my shoulders and guides me to the couch, waiting until I’m settled to look up the police’s non-urgent number for me.I type it in with shaking fingers.I can tell he wants to offer to do it for me, but he doesn’t.I chew on my bottom lip as I follow the phone prompts and then stumble over my recount when I’m connected to a male officer, who takes down all my details and says someone will be in contact if they need any more information.When I hang up, I expect to feel relief.To be able to put this behind me.Hopefully forget that it happened.Whatever it was.
But a heaviness lingers, gluing my limbs to the couch, making my head all drowsy.
‘Where’s your flatmate?’Knox asks.
Caleb’s away for a few days with Lawson.‘Away.’
Knox pulls out his phone and swipes at the screen.‘Fancy some company?’
‘I have work to do.’
‘So do I,’ he replies.
‘I thought you were on leave?’
‘Now that Eug’s doing better, I’m doing a bit remotely.’
Oh.I drag a hand across my eyes, trying to clear the grittiness lingering beneath my eyelids.‘I really am fine.Well, aside from this annoying headache.’
‘I know.’He smiles.The quiet, little private one I’m noticing more and more when we spend time together.It’s starting to feel like maybe that’s my smile.The one that only I get.
‘What about Eugene?’I ask around a yawn, wanting to ignore the inevitable crash after the adrenaline rush, but it’s becoming harder.I’m so tired.
‘He’s got some buddies coming over this morning to play mahjong.I think he’s sick of looking at my face.’
