Page 62 of In the Long Run
‘The TikToks?What about them?’Knox asks.
‘There was a clip of Vi running.Looking like a boss, thank you very much, but some f-u-c-k-e-r-s—’
‘Steven!’
‘What?Daisy can’t spell, Vi.I’m not putting a dollar in the swear jar!Anyway, somebadpeople said—’
‘That I shouldn’t be running.That I was an embarrassment.I don’t know what I was thinking.I look terrible in the video.Someone said I looked like one of those big draught horses that they used to get to pull wagons.They’re right, of course.’
‘The fuck they are,’ Knox spits out, but I can tell his frustration isn’t directed at her.Based on Violet’s soft sigh, she knows too.‘And I will put a dollar in your swear jar for that, Violet.You can get it from me at the Rail Trail Run.In fact, I’ll give you five.Let’s go ahead and put my swearing account in credit, because what those people said is bullshit.’
‘I’m going to withdraw.I’m too old.Too fat.’
‘No, she isn’t!’Steven crows.
‘Violet, you’re one of the strongest people at Croissants and Kilometres!So many people look up to you,’ I say.
‘More like they look back at me because I’m always last.Besides, all I can think about now is what everyone else is thinking when I run.“Oh, look at that fat lump.”’
‘I guarantee no one worth any of your time or attention is thinking that, Violet.’Knox is getting proper fired up now.His jaw could cut marble.
‘Peoplelikedthe comment.They laughed at me.’
Knox rubs his hands down his face and leans back into his car seat.‘So?’
‘So?!’she splutters.
‘Anyone who says shit about someone else online or elsewhere is a total waste of space.’
‘That’s easy to say when you’re you!’Ah, there’s a bit of Violet’s fire returning.
Knox crosses his arms.‘What do you mean by that?’
‘Everything is so easy for you.I’m tired, guys.Tired of being the slowest.Tired of being sore.Tired of trying so hard and getting nowhere.’
‘I’d hardly call being able to run thirty kilometres getting nowhere, Violet,’ I say.
‘What if I can’t do it, though?I’m not a real runner.Not like everyone else.’
Knox grabs the phone out of my hands, sending me an apologetic grimace as he mouthsSorry.‘I will die on this hill if I have to, Violet: anyone who runs is a runner.Pace doesn’t matter.Showing up is what matters.Trying is what counts.And you do more than try – you’re smashing it.’
‘It was just so mean.’Violet has stopped crying now, but she still sounds unsure of what we’re saying.
‘Unfortunately, peoplearemean.That’s never going to change, especially not on social media.I can totally understand wanting to turtle and hide inside your shell right now, Violet.I was in a similar position once, a long time ago – albeit under different circumstances – but I still remember how horrible it was.When it feels like everyone’s looking at you.Judging you based on their assumptions, rather than listening to or looking at the facts.And then someone gave me some great advice.’
‘What was that?’I ask softly.
Knox frowns down at his hands.I can tell this is hard for him, sharing like this.He takes a deep breath and instead of overthinking things like I normally do, I reach for his hand.Interlace our fingers and squeeze.‘That you can’t control what other people think,’ he says finally.‘You can only do your best and try to be the best version of yourself.It’s okay to want things, and I don’t want you to quit.I want you to keep fighting.Keep putting yourself first.Chasing down your goals.Show your little girl that her mum can do anything she puts her mind to.That it’s okay to have dreams – no, that it’snecessaryto have dreams.Because dreams become plans, and plans become actions, and actions begin with intentions.Our intentions are what make us who we are.Anyone who says something nasty or cruel about someone else isn’t happy with themselves.And they aren’t worth your time.’
‘I don’t know what to say.’Violet sniffs.
‘Say you’ll come to the Rail Trail Fun Run on Sunday.I’ll run the whole way with you,’ Knox promises.
‘So will I,’ I add.
‘I’ll slow you down,’ she says.
‘I don’t care.It’s not about time for me,’ Knox says, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows.He lifts his gaze and our eyes meet.‘Running used to be an escape for me.But now it’s about connection.To myself and the people I care about.I’d be honoured to run with you both on Sunday.’He pauses.‘Just promise you’ll think about it.’
