Page 121 of First Blood
When had she become a we? he wondered, as though battle lines had been drawn.
‘I’m the child’s father,’ he said.
She nodded. ‘There’s no doubt about that and I’m keeping your child regardless of any decision you have to make or process you have to work through. I’ve done that already, alone.’
Dawson began to realise that his return was not the slam dunk he had thought it would be. He had thought a smile and a hug and a few sorrys would make things right. He had fucked up big.
And right there in that second he knew that he did not want to lose this woman or their unborn child. He had been a fool of the biggest kind in not even realising how much he valued what was right in front of him.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, and meant it. He was sorrier for more than she knew but that could come later. ‘I shouldn’t have run away. It was the shock,’ he said, glancing down to her stomach.
‘You think I wasn’t surprised?’ she asked, quietly.
He had said some terrible things because secretly he had blamed her, wondered if she’d done something to trap him into fatherhood.
‘I know and I’m sorry for all the things I said,’ he offered, stepping towards the sofa. He sat down. She didn’t move away. ‘I panicked because despite all the bravado I know what kind of man I am. I know I’m arrogant and selfish, self-centred. I didn’t know if I was ready for the responsibility of another life, to have that life reliant on me. All I saw ahead was failure on my part. Failure for you and for our child.’
‘You do know that’s a perfectly normal reaction, don’t you?’ she asked, inspecting her hands.
He could hear the emotion in her voice and was desperately sorry for the hurt he’d caused. He’d left her to deal with everything alone.
He took her hand and she let him.
‘I love you, Ally, and I know I’ll love our child. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect but I want to be a part of this small family if you’ll let me.’
All week he’d been faced with child abuse, suffering, fear and he now knew that these were not feelings he ever wanted a child of his to experience. And he could only protect the child if he was around.
But, that was it. He’d said his piece. He’d told her the truth. Most of it. Would she forgive him and allow him to be a part of her and their child’s life?
The tentative smile that began in her eyes told him that maybe he had a chance.
Chapter One Hundred Fourteen
Bryant hesitated before knocking on the door. He wasn’t sure if this was appropriate or not but he felt it was a conversation he needed to have.
He was glad of the day off today. He hadn’t slept much. Every time he’d closed his eyes he’d felt the sensation of the cool metal at his neck. Once he opened his eyes the panic went away.
Jenny had woken and asked him if everything was okay when he’d climbed into bed at 4a.m. but he hadn’t had the heart to keep her awake to recount the events of the evening. He would talk to her about it later, but that wasn’t why he was here. There was something else that needed to be cleared up.
The door opened and two things hit him at once. The look of surprise on her face and the smell of burning behind her.
‘Sorry to come to your home, guv, but…’
‘Everything okay?’ she asked, stepping aside for him to enter.
‘Yeah, I just need a word, privately.’
‘And you couldn’t have managed that during the lifetime we’ve spent together in your car this week?’
Maybe he’d called this wrong and he shouldn’t have come here, but a quick glance at her face told him she wasn’t angry. He’d seen that look enough times to know.
‘I won’t keep you long but what the hell is that smell?’ he asked, following her through a sparsely decorated lounge to the kitchen. A small round dining table was covered in newspaper and parts of an exhaust.
She lifted the lid on the bin at the side of the breakfast bar. ‘Scones.’
He glanced inside and saw a pile of black, flat, disc-shaped objects that would have looked more at home on a hockey pitch.
‘You sure?’
