Lisa had fallen into a deep depression which was sad for her but fortuitous for Alex. Prison was not the place to develop mental-health problems. The staff tried their best, but they weren’t trained enough to spot the signs or how to handle it. Luckily, Alex was on hand to help them out.
‘So you didn’t get to see the little one again?’ Alex asked.
For the life of her she couldn’t remember the little boy’s name.
Lisa’s eyes filled instantly with tears as she shook her head.
Good.
Raw pain was the best kind of pain to work with. She didn’t want it easing off. She wanted the woman to be experiencing the sharp end of loss and loneliness.
‘It’s weird cos I can still feel the imprint of his tiny body against my chest. I can see every detail of his scrunched-up face. I just don’t know how I’m going to bear being away from him until I’ve served my time.’
Alex did her usual trick of staring hard without blinking. Her eyes began to water.
‘You have kids?’ Lisa asked.
Alex paused before shaking her head slowly. ‘Not anymore.’
The closest she’d ever come to having kids was the photo she had of two boys on her desk years ago, taken from a catalogue for the sake of appearances.
‘I had two boys,’ Alex said, sniffing.
‘Had?’ Lisa asked.
‘Yes, when we divorced, my husband sued for full custody. As he’d taken all our money, I couldn’t even fight him. He won and then took them to live in New Zealand. Men move on so quickly.’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry to—
‘It’s okay.’
‘Tell me,’ Lisa insisted.
‘Oh, you don’t want to hear all that,’ Alex said, knowing full well that she did. In her fog of despair, Lisa wanted some kind of reassurance that things would get better. That there was hope.
‘Please tell me and then maybe I won’t feel so alone.’
‘Oh, I tortured myself first of all with visions of my husband with other women.’
Lisa paled. ‘Oh my God, you don’t think Rod…?’
‘No,’ Alex said, holding up her hand. It was fine. The thought had been placed and she didn’t need to labour it. ‘It’s different for you. I was working long hours and wasn’t available for him. He had an affair which turned to love apparently. I never suspected a thing.’
Alex began to insert pauses into her mini speeches. Time for Lisa to digest what she was saying. And right now, she’d be wondering how she’d find out anything from in here.
‘His meetings went on later, and there was always an excuse why he didn’t come home before midnight. Obviously, that’s different for you. Rod comes to see you every chance he gets.’
‘H-His van broke down,’ she said miserably.
‘Of course it did,’ Alex said. ‘Anyway, we tried to work on it for the sake of the boys. He loves his kids so much.’
Lisa brightened. ‘Rod loves Josh so much.’
‘But neither of our hearts were in it. I told him that things would be better in a few years once I’d built my practice. If he could just be patient for a couple of years, we’d have the life he always wanted.’
Just like Rod has got to wait for you for a couple of years. This point was worth labouring.
‘But he couldn’t wait. A couple of months into our fresh start, the late nights started up again.’