Page 43 of Tides of Change
Maybe that’s why my relationship with Ava had always felt…tepid. Safe. A box checked off a list rather than a fire that burned deep. I hadn’t been ready to admit it before, but now, standing here with Ethan, it was undeniable. I was attracted to men.
ToEthan.
“And what if the gossip gets back to your superiors? What about the repercussions to your career?” His brow furrowed.
That gave me pause, but only for a second. For the first time in a long time, I wanted something for myself. Not just as a deputy or a dad, but as a man. If Sarge found out, I’d deal with it. But giving up Ethan was not an option. Still, I wouldn’t be stupid about it. “I’ll pick you up at six,” I said firmly. “And we’ll go out of town.” I grabbed the evidence bag, the smooth plastic slick under my fingers.
Ethan’s lips quirked into a small smile. He stepped closer, and his familiar cedarwood scent washed over me. His kiss landed softly on my cheek, but the impact sent a flurry of butterflies crashing into each other in my gut. For a moment, I was transported back to high school. It felt like I was finally circling back to where I was supposed to be.
“I’ll be ready,” Ethan murmured, his voice brushing against my ear like a promise.
As I left, the bolt clicked shut behind me. I stood on the porch for a beat. A quiet resolve settled over me. This was a turning point—not just for me and Ethan, but for the rest of my life.
“Hey, buddy!” I crouched to a knee in Mom and Dad’s living room. My heart lifted at the sight of Noah sprinting toward me with that grin that always knocked the wind out of me. He threw himself into my open arms with the reckless abandon only kids seemed capable of. His small body hit me with surprising force. The scents of sea salt and sand clung to him, tangled in his messy, windblown hair.
He gave me a quick, perfunctory hug before pulling back, his eyes bright with excitement. “We catched eight crabs this morning!” His tongue peeked out as he concentrated on his fingers and raised seven in triumph.
My dad chuckled from his spot on the worn leather recliner, where he sat nursing a cup of coffee. “Eight Dungeness. We threw the rock crabs back.”
I rose to my feet, brushing sand off my jeans. “Sounds like an excellent dinner.”
My mom, perched on the arm of the sofa, tucked a strand of graying hair behind her ear and smiled warmly. “Want to stay? We’ve got plenty.”
I shook my head, the knot of nerves tightening in my stomach. “Can’t. I’ve got plans. Can you babysit this evening?”
“Of course.” Mom’s eyes lit with curiosity. “What are you doing?”
“I’ve got a date,” I said, trying to keep my tone casual.
“That’s wonderful! Anyone we know?” My mother raised her eyebrows.
I hesitated for half a second, then shook my head. “No. Not someone you’ve met.”
She gave a small, expectant smile. “Well, what’s her name?”
I took a breath, then let it out slow. “It’s not a her.”
She didn’t say anything right away—just blinked once and studied me. My heart thumped once, hard.
“With a man,” I said, quieter now. Steadier.
Her smile returned—smaller this time, softer. “I’m happy for you.”
I rested my hand gently on Noah’s small shoulder. His skin was warm beneath my palm, the soft, steady weight of him grounding me like nothing else could. He tilted his head up, wide blue eyes searching mine with a seriousness far beyond his five years.
“What’s a date? Does that mean you’re going to hold hands?” His brow furrowed in concentration.
I choked back a chuckle. “It means I’m going out to dinner with Mr. Ethan,” I said softly.
My breath caught in my throat. I didn’t know what I expected—a million questions, confusion, maybe even the echoes of things he’d heard other kids say.
“Can I go with you?” he asked, his eyes going wide with a hopeful sparkle.
I crouched to his level and brushed a hand over his tousled hair. “Sorry, bud,” I said gently. “It’s just going to be Mr. Ethan and me this time.”
The brightness in his expression dimmed, his shoulders sinking just a little. But in true Noah fashion, the disappointment didn’t linger. A beat later, he gave a tiny shrug and perked back up.
“Okay. Can I go play now?”
