Page 12 of Ms Perfectly Fine
“It’s just…old demons. Give me a few more days, and I’ll have my nerves under control. I’m not backing out.” Would he give her seat to someone else?
Sasaki, seeming to read her expression, waved his hands. “There is no need to worry; the seat is yours so long as you truly want it.”
Autumn swallowed and considered what he was saying. She was troubled by how much faith he had in her, but if she couldn’t trust herself, she would trust the man who had brought her back to the stage when everyone had said she shouldn’t.
“What if it’s not perfect? What if my solo return is a bust?” she asked, rubbing her thighs. She wanted to be as good as the greats, if not better.
“Autumn, you will never be satisfied, not even with perfection.” He was right, but it didn’t stop her from trying. “When I heard you were playing again for that local theatre in Islacore, there was no doubt in my mind that you would be back. However, the girl who went under the stage isn’t the same girl they pulled out. You have scars, emotional and physical. I think if you embrace them, you will be unstoppable.”
“If only it were that simple. I try to overcome them, but managing my health and my life can be overwhelming. Aren’t we supposed to strive for perfection?” she asked him, turning in her stool.
Sasaki hesitated, straightening his waistcoat.
“Perfection is my job, but I know there is beauty in mistakes. If you can put your emotions into your music, I think it will help you,” he said, making it sound like the easiest thing in the world.
“I don’t have anything trapped in me,” she argued, though she knew it was a lie.
“You are a pressure cooker of talent, and if you won’t use it, then you won’t be able to break through with this piece or any piece,” he told her.
She wanted to argue, to deny it, but it was true. She couldn’t control the music; instead, it was controlling her.
“I’ll try,” she sighed.
“Good, and be gone with you. I have to lock up.”
Autumn pulled herself from the cushioned stool.
“I don’t think she would ever leave unless you forced her to,” Nina said from the audience seats. Autumn didn’t know when her friend had returned, but it was getting late. The sun had been replaced by the cloudy night sky above the glass roof.
“And that’s why she is my favourite,” Sasaki said.
Nina pouted. “You aren’t supposed to have favourites.”
“No, but I do, and when you master the Autumn Movement, you might be in the running.”
“Challenge accepted,” Nina said, and Autumn knew she meant it. Nina never liked to be considered second best. She had had a late start to learning the violin, so she always felt like she was behind everyone else, but that hadn’t stopped her from being the lead violinist for the last three showcases.
Sasaki’s phone rang, and he left them to it with a quick wave.
“You didn’t have to wait for me,” Autumn said. She had sat for too long. The backs of her legs were aching despite taking small breaks between movements. Thankfully, the heat patch she had applied at lunch was keeping the spasms at bay. She reminded herself to take a muscle relaxant when she got home to stop it from getting any worse.
“Didn’t have to, but wanted to. Need a ride? We tried to wait for you at the restaurant, but you didn’t show and we were hungry,” Nina said.
Autumn frowned. “I didn’t know you were waiting!” She grabbed her woolly grey cardigan from her bag, wanting to keep her muscles warm. Her bath at home was calling, but the excitement was replaced with dread when she remembered who else was waiting for her. Sasaki had distracted her with thoughts of the showcase, but now she was thinking of her intruder, and with Tim being no help, she was on her own.
“I tried to call you to get some food, but you didn’t answer,” Nina said.
Autumn glanced at her phone. There was a missed call from Nina, an hour ago. If she had a penny from every phone call or message she’d missed while she was playing, she’d be a millionaire.
“Can we get going?” Garrett called, loudly enough for everyone to hear. Autumn tried to hide her disdain for Nina’s boyfriend, waiting by the doors at the other end of the auditorium. She decided to make her own way home.
“You go ahead; someone is eager to see you,” she said, nodding towards Garrett, who didn’t even bother to step in.
“Are you sure? I think it’s going to rain,” Nina said, though her smile said she was happy to go.
“I need the walk after sitting for so long,” Autumn said, forcing a smile. She would rather walk in the rain than sit in a car with Garrett. There was just something about him that she didn’t quite like, but Nina was on the rebound after her girlfriend had moved back to the states, so Autumn was keeping her mouth shut as long as she was happy. Nina jumped on stage, giving her friend one last squeeze before heading to Garrett, who looked just as pleased to leave without Autumn.
“I’ll see you in the morning. Let me know how it goes with your mystery man!” Nina winked, backing away towards the door.
