Page 90 of Ms Perfectly Fine
Heather bowed her head, waiting for her to start.
“When I first got the rose, I thought it was an accident. When I received it the next time, I was happy. I thought you might have been a silent supporter, someone who wanted me to get back on stage. It gave me hope. Then, when the third rose came on the anniversary and followed every year, I knew it wasn’t meant to be a show of support. I knew whoever was sending me the roses was taunting me.” Autumn’s voice cracked, and Heather’s head snapped up.
“The only reason I came to the theatre was that I wanted to support you. I just wanted you to remember. I didn’t want anything else, only for you to remember her.”
“You think I’d forget my best friend?” Autumn demanded. “Not a day has passed when I haven’t been reminded of what happened to us. I didn’t need roses to remind me of what my body screams every day.”
“Please, Autumn, you can’t think I did this to you! I’m her sister. I don’t know anything about the roses. The only thing I did was put a photo of the three of us with a note on the back in your dressing room. But you didn’t even go to her grave. I waited to see if you would show up. I was going to tell you who I was, but when you didn’t show, I thought you didn’t want to see me. You just wanted to move on with your life, so I let you be.”
Autumn had no clue what she was talking about. “What photo? I never got one, only the roses. When did you send it?”
“About three weeks ago. I even tried to talk to you after rehearsals when I dropped you home, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I thought you would be angry at me for not telling you who I was sooner or for coming back into your life.”
“I swear I didn’t see any photo or note in my dressing room. If I had, I would have gone to the grave. It’s not like I just forgot about her; I visit her as often as I can. Lena—do you mind if I call you that?” Autumn wanted to be respectful, in case disguising her identity wasn’t the only reason she’d changed her name.
Heather nodded.
“If you had reached out in any way, I would have never been angry at you,” she continued, trying to steady her breathing.
“You were doing so well. I thought if I told you I would ruin it,” Heather said, her eyes reddening as though she was about to cry. Autumn ran her hands through her hair, trying to steady herself.
“My life will never be normal. Every day, my body reminds me of what I survived and what Mollie didn’t. There isn’t a day that a part of me doesn’t wish your sister and I didn’t walk out onto that stage. I could have saved myself years of mind-numbing pain and Mollie would still be with us. But we did. I’m here. And though I wish with every fibre of my being that Mollie was too, we can’t change the past. I can only try to do the best I can.”
“I never knew you felt that way,” Heather said, not meeting her eye.
“You never asked.”
Heather picked at her nails.
Autumn needed to get her to open up. “But…say I believe you. Why did you change your name?”
Heather perked up. “I changed it when I was in college to get away from my past. My dad has debts and when he couldn’t pay them, they would come looking for me in college. It had nothing to do with you.”
“Why were you always hinting that I was going to lose my seat?” Autumn asked, remembering all the times when Heather had made her panic about it.
“I never wanted you to lose your seat at the showcase. I always tried to adjust your work schedule so you could get some rest days. All I wanted was to see you play. The only reason I even thought it was a possibility was that I heard Nina suggesting you weren’t ready because of your recent flare-up,” Heather explained.
“Nina told Sasaki I shouldn’t play in the showcase?”
“Yes. She said we should have her headline just in case you had to back out,” Heather said. “I tried to tell you, but every time we had a chance to talk, she would interrupt.”
Autumn was taken aback. Nina had been nothing but supportive of her solo. Sure, she was always concerned about Autumn’s health, but so would be any friend. To hear she was talking to Sasaki about it in private didn’t sit right. It was Autumn’s life, Autumn’s career—it wasn’t Nina’s place to intervene. However, it wouldn’t have been the first time; sometimes Autumn had trouble gauging how much she could take on. She got lost in the passion and love for music, and sometimes she needed someone to remind her of her limitations. However, this was different. This time, Nina had gone to Sasaki behind her back.
“This isn’t about Nina,” she said, not wanting Heather to deflect the blame.
“Sorry. I know you don’t want to hear such things about her. I see how close you are.”
“I don’t know what to believe,” Autumn murmured, trying to take everything in.
“Because I lied about who I was?” Heather asked, still picking her nails.
Autumn nodded. “But I do believe that Mollie would hate to see you like this, living your life chasing her memory rather than embracing your passion.”
“She would be so ashamed of me for not telling you who I was, but being close to you felt almost like I had her back,” Heather said, wiping the tears sliding down her cheeks. “It hurts so much without her. How do you do it?”
Autumn shrugged. “I take each day as it comes.”
“And it gets easier?” Heather asked, looking hopeful.
