Page 66 of Only for Me
"I'm trying to make you feel safe."
I barked a laugh and she narrowed her eyes. "Bruh, don't say no shit like that to me."
She grinned. "Talk or I'm going back over there."
"I look just like my father. Me and Rion both have his eyes but I look just like him. Got that nigga's whole face, color, height, and build. Rion looks just like our mother. The only thing he got from our father were his eyes. So when Rion was born, my mother was attached to him like crazy. We're two years apart."
"Older or younger?"
"I'm older. My pops ain't shit. He wasn't abusive or anything like that, just a terrible fucking husband and father. He cheated on my mother so much I don't even know why she wanted to stay married to him. She loved his ass but she hated him too. Both were equally strong and because I look just like him and, according to her, act just like him, she has that same energy with me too. But if I'm being honest, she hates me more than she loves me."
"Wait, you think your mother hates you?"
"I don't think, I know, and nah, she never said it but just like I know she blames me for Rion's death by her actions, I know she hates me for the same reason."
"Just because you look like your father?"
I nodded. "He told me that shit once too. I was a kid, like ten, maybe eleven. It was Rion's birthday and she was upset, almost in tears because they messed up his cake. She had this big ass party planned for him. Mind you, I never even got so much as a happy birthday from her every year on mine."
"You're lying, right?"
I shook my head. "It was cool. Family made sure I was good."
"But still…" She blinked, looking confused.
"Yeah, it was pretty fucked up but I understood that day. While she was having a fucking meltdown, my father, being drunk off his ass like usual, told me I would never get any of that from her because she blamed me for all the things wrong in her life. He said she would have divorced him a long time ago but didn’t want to be a single mother. She refused to have a failed or broken marriage so she stayed."
"Wow."
"Fucked up, right? Crazy thing was, that was just the lie she told herself. It wasn't really about that. She never divorced that nigga because she loved him so much. In her eyes, if she stayed, one day he would wake up and decide to love her just as much. Shit never happened. He wasn't a damn thing back then and still isn’t shit now." I laughed dryly.
"But I don’t get it. What does that have to do with you playing football because of your brother?"
"I loved my little brother. Like loved that nigga more than I could ever explain, but there was still a part of me that hated how she loved him. He didn't have to do a damn thing but fucking breathe and he had all her love. I couldn't do shit right and trust me I tried. I played football in high school and was naturallytalented. Like one of those people who didn't have to try. She accepted it because Rion was invested. Anything that made him happy she was down for, even supporting me in sports. I wanted her acknowledgement however I could get that shit. Even if it was because supporting me made him happy. I was gonna quit, but Rion was on my ass and damn sure not having it. I did it because he believed in me and she saw me because of him. She didn't really give a damn but he did. That's some twisted shit, right?"
She frowned and leaned in and kissed me. I kissed her back but narrowed my eyes when she pulled back. "It's not twisted. You needed love that you shouldn't have had to beg for. What's twisted is I think I hate your mother."
I smirked when she dropped her forehead to mine. "Nah, don't hate her. You already don't fuck with me and hating two Hayeses is just a waste of your energy."
She smiled slyly. "I can hate her because I fuck with you. So there’s only one Hayes on my hit list."
I chuckled. "Fuck with me orwantto fuck me?"
"I'm not answering that right now."
"Why, ’cause you know I could get you out these jeans and on my dick without waking Avi?"
"Not happening because we're in a public park and not happening because we're having a mature conversation about your life. Sex is not on the table right now."
I chuckled. "You can't just not show up for stuff like that. This is your career."
"Don't worry, Kari. I have enough to make sure you're straight."
"I don't care about your money." She glared at me then smiled. "Well beyond the GWagon and the house out here you're going to buy me."
"I'm not buying you a damn house. You can have the one I already own."
She leaned across the seat and I pulled her back. "What are you doing?"
