Page 6 of Glass and Bone
I take a deep, steadying breath and try to remember the sights as they surround me. While the thick, ever-present pressure of wet air reminds me of home, I can’t wait to feel the clean, crisp air of Noterra. I can’t wait to take a deep breath and not feel like the pressure from the humidity is causing me to choke. I can’t wait to be able to walk around and not be drenched by the time I return, regardless of the season. I am sure Noterra experiences heat in the summer, but a dryer heat seems preferable to a wet, sticky heat.
As each person passes by me, a slight dip of the chin takes place. While I have been treated like porcelain my entire life, I have always hated the formalities that came with my position, or myassumedposition. I was never allowed friends outside of my status or my ladies, nor able to acknowledge their existence. That was how my father willed it. To others who don’t know, I imagine I seem as if I am a stuck-up lady who believes she is too good to converse with those below her. The king’s pet who let power get to her head.
I smile at each person as they pass, wanting so badly to tell them I am not my father’s daughter and that I am not a noble lady who finds their company an embarrassment. That I am kind and want so desperately to speak to those who reside in our country. If I ever return, I will be a queen. Maybe then I will be able to speak to whomever I please.
I am hopeful that life in Noterra will be different. That I will be allowed to have friends below my status, that I will be allowed to walk the grounds, or even explore the country, without fear of my father’s hand, or my future husband’s. I am hopeful that I will have a life worth living, because I fear I won’t survive if I enter another world like the one I grew up in.
I refuse to bring a child into the world knowing they will have a similar childhood to my own, and as my father continuously says, my duty is to produce an heir. Tobias has to be a good man; Ineedhim to be a good man and a good king. I just need him to be different from the men I have known in my life.
All I have ever seen is aggression or submission. Aggression from my father, and submission from every single other person I have ever encountered, even myself. I submitted to my father’s lashings when he was angry. I submitted to the countless times he had me stripped bare in front of him and his friends so he could approve of how I was aging. I could still feel his poking and prodding as he deemed me too skinny or too fat in certain areas. As he deemed me unworthy. Those moments usually resulted in being withheld food for days on end or forced to eat more.
Whatever he wanted, happened.
I wasn’t a willing participant, but I was a participant nonetheless.
My ladies are near the gate, speaking to the palace guards as they load my carriage. I stare at each of their faces, knowing this may be the last time I see them. I wanted so desperately to have them accompany me to this far away kingdom, but I knew that it was not their burden to bear. They shouldn’t be ripped from their families and homes like me. They deserve happiness and the chance to find love, or just to find themselves as they would be without me tied to them.
I urged my father to pay their families well for the 14 years of service they provided. Thankfully, he listened. Their families will never want for anything and with substantial dowries, they will be able to marry for love and not for monetary gain. A life I would want for myself, for my children. I was surprised my father agreed to this, but he always did treat my ladies better than he treated his own daughter.
I take this time to absorb their appearances, fearing this will be the last time I can. All three of them sport chestnut hair, as do all of the citizens of Chatis besides my mother and I, that is, before her’s began turning white. Scarlett and Laenie have long and wavy hair that’s pulled back into bows, always looking silky and smooth. Rhea’s hair is cropped short to her shoulders, straight and shiny, regardless of the humidity. I envied them. My hair was as dark as the night sky and had such tight, tangly curls, a brush couldn’t tame them. I always wondered if it was the climate here in Chatis that caused the unruliness of my hair, but I am sure I will find out soon enough.
Dark, emerald, green eyes, pale alabaster skin, and light freckles. They are each truly beautiful and look more like triplets than friends. Half the time I think most people do mix them up. With their incredible kindness and infectious smiles, they will surely get any man they desire. I know for a fact that Laenie would no doubt be going after the Hand’s son. Lord Hairy, as the rest of us call him. His real name is Perry or Jerry, or something, I honestly couldn’t remember, but Laenie’s attraction to him and his weirdly hairy arms were always something we joked about. Now she was able to pursue him, see if his desires were the same.
Scarlett could also find someone to love, but she’s strong and stubborn. I know she’s had many lovers, but she always loved herself the most. I don’t think she will ever settle down, I don’t think she’ll ever allow herself to be shackled to someone, unless they are royalty. Rhea on the other hand, I always had an inkling she favored women over men. I often saw the longing glances she had towards Scarlett. She was the quietest out of three, not that I wasn’t as close to her as the others, but she favored silence over chattiness. I find myself hating the envy I feel towards them. Towards their freedom. Towards the life that awaits them once I leave.
I sigh inwardly as I make my way to the carriage. The guards at the gate bow, as does my rider, Ser Danieas, and I give them a soft smile in return. Ser Danieas has been close to me for quite a few years, my sworn sword as my father calls it. He’s one of the men who know of my true identity, and the only one I would have wanted to accompany me on this journey. I don’t know if he will be staying in Noterra, but it is better than being alone. I turn towards my friends, the only ones I have ever had, and fight back the tears that threaten to escape, the lump rising in my throat preventing me from speaking. I would like nothing more than to shove them into that carriage with me, but it wouldn’t be fair.
Giving each of them a bone-crushing hug and a hopeful smile, I climb into the cabin. Not wanting to endure long goodbyes for fear that I won’t be able to do as I’m asked if I let my emotions win, I turn away from them, fighting the burning in my eyes and the trembling in my hands. As I take a seat, a calloused hand reaches in and grasps my wrist, ripping me off of the bench. I cry out in pain as my back slams against the outside wall of the cabin, the pain snaking down my spine and causing my breath to catch as adrenaline pumps through my body. I glance up and see the raw excitement and power brewing in my father’s wild eyes, his mouth parted in a wide grin. A small gasp escapes my lips as I feel the rough wood pressing harder into my skin as he pushes into me.
“If you disappoint me, Elaenor, you will suffer a fate much worse than your mother’s.” His face leans in closer, his nose almost touching mine. His free hand is resting right next to my head on the carriage, but I can see his fingers flexing out of the corner of my eye. I smell the sweet wine on his breath as he exhales. A fate worse than my mother’s. Is that a confession? His fingers around my wrist tighten as he stares down at me.
“I won’t, father. I am doing as you asked.” I whisper, my voice straining. He takes a moment before a sadistic smile replaces the one of excitement. I quickly glance around to see the concerned faces of my ladies. The guards and Ser Danieas are looking away, knowing by now that their king has a temper. This wouldn’t be the first time they’ve witnessed his aggression towards me, but hopefully their last. My father enjoyed my suffering, enjoyed my pain. If sadism had a person of embodiment, it would be my father.
“I’ve heard the stories about this young man you are soon to marry,” A low chuckle escapes his lips as he pushes into me, his chest brushing mine. I bite back my wince and turn my face away from his, shutting my eyes. “Do what he says and I’m sure he won’t kill you, but I can’t promise he won’t have a little fun with you first. Once you produce an heir, you are nothing. To Chatis, to Noterra. You will be just a warm body for him to do with as he pleases. Your duty will be complete and there will be no need for your existence. So you better make him happy, in all ways, or he’ll throw you away for a real woman.” His voice is a little more than a snarl, his breath fanning over my ear, forcing a disgusting shiver to creep through my body. I knew he saw me as little more than a body to do his bidding, but his actual disgust for me is surprising. I always hoped he loved me deep down, as any child hopes. My stomach fills with rocks and I take a deep breath and open my eyes.
“Is that how you felt about my mother?” I spit. His eyes widen slightly, shocked at my question, as I turn my head to face him again, his nose almost brushing mine. “Was she just another warm body for you to do with as you pleased until she ceased being of use?” His muddy brown eyes narrow, mimicking mine, as his dark eyebrows furrow. “This is the life you want for your daughter?” My heart is pounding, electricity sparking through my limbs making them tingle.
I am almost afraid of his answer, afraid that the truth will come out. He doesn’t care about me. He never has. I was a walking bag of gold that he couldn’t wait to cash in.
“Don’t attempt to wound me, Elaenor, and don’t speak about your mother as if you had any idea what went on between us.” His voice is low, warning, but his anger is temporarily hidden as he leans back slightly, releasing some of the pressure on my back. “She knew her duty, and she failed. If the Gods decided she was no longer fit to be a queen, they did what they had to do.” My mouth falls open slightly. He truly believed her death was the gods’ will.
“Is that what you believe of yourself? That you are just one of the Gods?” I snap, louder. He leans back in, his nose pushing against mine as he chuckles. I fight the gag crawling up my throat at his proximity, at histouch. My hands are sweating, and I wipe them on the skirt of my dress.
“Leave, and don’t return, or I’ll kill you myself.” He whispers quietly. With a hard shove against me he steps back, flashing a wicked and dangerous smile. I can’t help the tears that fall from my eyes now as I stare at the monster he has become. They burn, reminding me that everything that has to do with my father hurts. Everything that has ever had to do with my life has been painful.
How can a man be so cruel to his child, hisonlychild? And how can he speak so ill of his deceased wife? Hisqueen? This is not the man my mother married, but it is the man I have known for the last 10 years of my life. Aggressive, conniving, barbaric. He is the epitome of a mad king who cares for nothing besides himself.
I hate him. I hate him more than I hate the idea of marrying a stranger. I’d rather be married off to someone who is old and decrepit than stay here in his presence.
The anger and resentment I feel boils to the surface and, for once, I don’t hold back. Ican’thold back. Pounding in my ears drowns out our spectators, my eyes narrowed and focused on him. I will my voice to remain calm and steady as I finally say everything I have dreamt of saying for years.
“You are amonster.” Fury flashes through his eyes as they meet mine, his brows pinching in disbelief. My father turns his body to face me again, his hands on his hips wondering if I’m going to continue. I let my hate fuel my words as I for once in my life say what I want. “It is your duty as a father to protect me, yet you throw me to another suspected monster for the sake of your own rise in status. I am a human being, not a pawn for you to play when it's advantageous.” I can see his eyes frantically look around, seeing who is there to witness my admission to his parentage, the veins in his neck sticking out as he sucks on his teeth. I take a deep breath and a step away from the carriage, inwardly groaning as the wood releases my back. The pressure in my chest rises as the adrenaline courses through my veins like electricity, fueling me, strengthening me. “You are a coward. You are so fearful of a life beyond your kingly duties that you let your own daughter suffer through the loss of her mother alone. Even if Tobias is as much of a heartless savage as the rumors believe, I will have a much better fate in his hands than yours. I would ratherdiethan be forced to live another day in your shadow.” Stepping back, marking the end of my verbal attack, I exhale loudly, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. His face is frozen, his lips pursed as he stands silently, debating his response, I’m sure.
The corners of his lips twitch briefly before he reaches out and slaps me. My hand instinctively reaches up towards the stinging pain on my cheek, while his fingers find my throat, squeezing until the pressure causes my eyes to water. I can hear the quiet unsheathing of swords as our spectators are unsure of when to step in. He slams me against the cabin again, pulling my head forward enough so he can shove it harder against the wood. A sharp pain radiates from the back of my skull, my eyes threatening to succumb to the darkness that’s creeping in the edges of my vision.
“Your Grace.” I hear one of the others say, but he’s ignored. My nails rip at my father’s fingers as I try to remove the obstacle blocking my airway, drawing blood. Panic fuels my search, looking for a weakness. His touch cuts off my access to oxygen as he leans in close to my ear so that I don’t miss a word of his torture, his chest pressing into mine.
“My duty is to my kingdom, not to you or your mother. You are a pawn in the game called court and you will do right by Chatis and marry that boy. You will do right by your kingdom and produce an heir that can inherit my legacy. That is all you are worth to me. If you don’t, you will do well to remember I have friends in high places at Noterra. You are just one girl in a world of many. If you were to disappear, I would atlastbe free to take on a new wife and make atrueheir.” His breath hisses in my ear and I fight to inhale what little air he allows, only managing a small stream of oxygen.
