Page 74 of The Incredible Kindness of Paper
“I don’t. The video clip is all over the company Slack chat.”
She knit her brow. “Already? What time is it?”
“Close to eleven.”
Wow. Several hours had passed since the original broadcast. Chloe didn’t know how she’d lost so much time.
“Fucking Tolly,” Zac was saying. “I am going to destroy him and his cheap suits. How dare he hurt you. He walks around the office every day, smugly silent, but then when he decides to open his mouth,thisis what he says?
“I know he’s your childhood friend, Chloe, but you were young then and didn’t know better. Even now, you’re so sweetly guileless that you don’t see the bad in people. But that’s what I’m here for, okay? I’ll protect you.”
Chloe pulled back from Zac’s arms. “What?”
“Let’s make it official, you and me. Let me be your boyfriend. I’ll shield you from Oliver and any other arseholes who try to take advantage of your innocence.”
She bit her lip.
Guileless. Innocent. Easily taken advantage of.
“Is that what you think of me? That I need a protector?”
Zac frowned. “Is that so bad?”
Chloe stared at him. He really didn’t understand her at all. It was so clear now, looking back on the time they’d spent together. How he would try to convince her to work out with him here at the park, even though there wasn’t an exercise-inclined muscle in her body. How he’d thought her paper roses were a cute distraction when she started them, rather than seeing the value of art and kindness in and of itself. Even how differently they approached the physical side of their not-quite relationship—her wanting to go slow in bed, while he preferred it fast, in whatever room they happened to be in.
But in the early days of getting to know someone, you made excuses for them. And it was good, actually, not to judge things as patterns before you had a chance to see the whole picture of the other person, because what they did might be one-offs. Human beings were complex, and just because they were different didn’t mean they were bad.
And Chloe didn’t want to condemn Zac now, even after dating for awhile. She was used to looking at her students with compassion. But as adults, it was easy to forget to treat yourself and others with the same tenderness. People smile at kids when they make mistakes and as they figure out their way in the world but forget that even as adults, there’s still no road map and everyone’s bumbling along as best they can. Maybe if grown-ups could see the kids they once were—the kids who were still inside—then everyone would be a little better for it.
Chloe knew that Zac wasn’t trying to be condescending. He really did mean well, and she genuinely believed that he liked the sweetness and guilelessness he perceived in her. He dealt with manipulation and politics all day at the office; he didn’t want to spend his free time playing games with the women he dated.
But while Zac might have wanted a partner he could protect, Chloe didn’t need a white knight. She was perfectly able to fight for herself. She just did itherway. Like when she lost her job, she took on the paper flowers as a way to work through her emotions and to discover a new path forward. She hadn’t needed Zac to swoop in and rescue her.
Maybe there was another woman out there whowouldneed him to save her or who would at least enjoy letting Zac play that role. Chloe wasn’t going to judge, because everyone had their strengths and weaknesses, and maybe whoever that woman was, she’d be a complement to Zac in other ways that he needed, too.
But as Chloe looked at Zac, so earnest about giving her protection, she knew for certain that he was not The One for her, and she was not The One for him.
“Thank you, Zac.” She reached out and held his hands. “I appreciate your concern and that you ditched the office to make sure I was okay. I know what a big deal that was.”
“Of course. I—”
“Wait. I’m not finished.”
“I’m sorry.” He smiled. “Please go on.”
She nodded. “I know sometimes it might look like I’m kind of floating around, handing out origami and going with the flow. I don’t generate publicity and I’m losing out on potential monetization, and I smile at everyone and seem too naive to see them for who they really are.
“But there’s nothing wrong with believing in the good in people. I’m not naive; I see how things could go badly. But I also see how they could just as easily and equally go positively, and Ichooseto tip the scales in the direction of good, even if it’s just the minuscule pressure of my left pinkie.
“So I appreciate you wanting to protect me. But I don’t actually need that. What I need is someone whoseesme, who understands why I do what I do, and why it makes all the sense in the world. You’re a good guy, Zac. But the person I need… it’s not you.”
His hand clutched Chloe’s tighter. “No. Chloe, please. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. But I… I hate to see you hurt, and I’d do anything within my power to prevent it from ever happening again.”
Chloe squeezed Zac’s hand but then extracted hers. “I know. But that’s another way we differ—in how we understand what happened. Yes, I’m hurt. But you think I’m hurt because ofwhatOliver said, and you want to protect me from people making negative comments on my work. Whereas for me, therealwound wasn’t the specific words, even though they stung. It was that it wasOliver, that he—who had meant so much to me—said anything at all.”
Zac sighed as he leaned forward on the bench. “Well, at least you’re not choosing him over me. I suppose it’s better that you picked neither of us.”
Chloe couldn’t help but laugh. “You are incorrigibly competitive, Zac.”
