Page 83 of You've Got a Place Here, Too
This was not the first sleepless night Leo spent ruminating on everything he’d said and done over the past few months. He had been a freshman all of one semester, yet he was pretty sure that during that short time he’d lied more than he had over the past nineteen years. Now every mistruth, every omission, was coming back to haunt him. Threatening to torment and expose him in the worst possible way.
Now Leo knew why folks always said lying just wasn’t worth it. Because there was only one way to keep folks believing that a lie was the truth: by telling more lies.
Because in two weeks, when the fall semester ended, Leo was going to have to tell his girlfriend—the beautiful, the brilliant,theLayla Michelle McNeil—that he’d been lying to her (and everyone else) since the day he arrived on campus.
Leo kissed her forehead softly. “I love you,” he whispered,blinking fast to hold back his tears. “I love you so much, Layla. And I’m so sorry for what I’ve done.”
“What’swrong,Leo?”
Layla had asked him this question every day for the past week. At first, she sounded worried, concerned that finals were taking a toll on him. Now it was Thursday night, they both had just one more day of testing, and she just sounded annoyed.
Despite dishonesty being the only thing that might be able to save him, Leo refused to tell another lie. He was unwilling to say, “Nothing’s wrong, baby. I’m good,” and blame his distant demeanor on being stressed about school.
Becauseeverythingwas wrong. Layla was the only thing in his life that was right. And on Sunday, when she found out the truth about who he really was and where he was really from, everything that was good about what they shared could turn horribly wrong too.
So, instead of answering Layla’s question, he just sighed. A long, exasperated sigh that sounded like it came from the depths of his soul.
For a moment, his eyes met Layla’s, but he quickly looked away. He was embarrassed. Ashamed. He felt like such a fool. Hadn’t he known that at some point his lies were bound to catch up with him? Now he was standing outside Young Hall in the middle of November, shivering from the cold and clearly having a disagreement with his girlfriend—and Leo was certain folks were peeking through their dorm room curtains to watch.
Layla was gorgeous even when she was angry with him. Herarms crossed tightly over her black puffer jacket, reminding him of how it felt when she held him close. Her baggy jeans reminding him that he’d been blessed to see parts of her that no other man had seen. Her pink Timberland boots reminding him that she had a mother who loved her enough to buypinkTimbs…and a father who loved her so much that he might actually come to campus and beat Leo’s ass for breaking his daughter’s heart.
Leo wouldn’t even fight back. He deserved whoever and whatever was coming for him.
“Is it…me?” Layla could barely get out the last word. Like the “me” was stuck in her throat. But once it escaped, all her thoughts quickly followed.
“If you want to break up, Leo, just tell me. Just…just say it!” she demanded. “I know there are a lot of girls on campus checking for you. You think I don’t know about Shayla trying to give you her number? Or Misha asking you to come study in her room so she can teach you things she knowsIcan’t teach you? If you don’t want to be locked down your freshman year so you can go be with those…those dirtyfoot bitches, just say it. Just say whatever it is, Leo!”
He’d never heard Layla curse before. Not once. Not even when they were singing the lyrics to rap songs, and she knew all the words. She just paused during those parts. Made a cute face or put her hand over her mouth in a way that made her even more endearing.
“Dirtyfoot bitches”? Damn. She wasreallypissed with him.
Layla was probably going to break up with him any second now, and the very thought of her ending their relationship made him want to vomit. Partly because he couldn’t imagine staying on campus in this new world another three and a half years withouther by his side. And partly because, if she ended things now, he wouldn’t have to tell her the truth and break her heart twice.
This was their first fight and Leo already felt defeated.
“It’s me,” Layla said as if she’d solved the problem. “It’s me. Everyone told me not to mess with you. Because when good girls date bad boys, this is what happens. But Leo, I thought…you were good. Underneath all that toughness, all those scars…” She traced her finger across his chest, over the biggest scar he had. “Look, I know you’ve done things. Things you don’t want to talk about. But you’ve never acted like this. I just don’t understand…”
She was crying now. The stress of finals. The fear of losing him, a love she’d only just recently found. All the weighted pressures of being the beautiful, the brilliant Layla McNeil had finally worn her down.
“No, baby. It’s not you. I love you, Layla. You know that.”
“Do you, Leo?” Layla asked tearfully. “Do youreallylove me? Because I just don’t know if I believe you anymore. You’ve been acting so…different.”
Leohadbeen acting different. All his lies, all his secrets, all his fears about what would happen when Layla found out the truth had made him distant. He reached to pull Layla into his arms, to reassure her of his devotion. And for the first time ever, she pulled away from him.
“No, Leo,” she said firmly. “No. You don’t get to charm your way out of answering my questions. You’ve been acting funny.Funky.So, what is it?”
“Layla…” His voice cracked and he cringed, hating that he sounded as weak as he felt.
“Wait, is this about me coming home with you?” Laylademanded. “It’s only for one day, Leo. Barely a day! The dorms close Sunday at noon and my folks will be here on Monday. Do you have a girl back home or something? ’Cause I can call my daddy right now and have him get me a hotel in Guthrie.”
Leo chuckled as he shook his head from side to side.
Oh, I’ve got a girl back home, alright.
“Is thisfunnyto you?” Layla was looking at him in a way he’d never seen before. Disbelief and disappointment with a twinge of disgust. “One of my homegirls told me that she heard a rumor. That one day, you were on the pay phone, and someone overheard you talking about yourladyback home. That you specifically asked, ‘How’s my lady?’ And I never even came to you with that. Never even asked you! But now I’m wondering if it’s true!”
Please dear God, please don’t let her ask if I’ve got a lady back home. Please don’t make me lie or have to tell her the truth. I can’t do either one. I just can’t.
