Page 105 of Suddenly Dating
“You’re spoiling me rotten, Lola,” Harry said. “It’s delicious. I’ve probably gained ten pounds since I met you.”
She looked at him. “I actually like to spoil you.”
Harry looked up from his plate, surprised. “You do? Do you have anything else up your sleeve?”
She smiled. “Nope. I think you’ve seen it all.”
Harry put his fork down. “Have I?”
The tone of his voice had changed. Lola immediately put her fork down, too, and bent her leg, propping her foot on the edge of her seat and wrapping her arms around her knee. Shielding herself. “Yep.”
“There is nothing you want to say? Maybe discuss?”
Only everything. But as Lola was struggling to find the words and make herself walk out on the limb, she saw a range of emotions scud across Harry’s face—sadness and hope. Weariness.
He reached for her hand. “You know, six months ago, I would have said that I knew exactly what I was doing. I would have said that I was completely certain about the woman in my life, about my career direction, about my decision to sell my apartment. Those were all pieces of the map I had drawn in my head of where I wanted to be and where I wanted to go. But things change, Lola. They changed when I met you.”
She smiled dubiously. “You tried to kick me out when you met me.”
Harry impatiently squeezed her hand. “You know what I mean. Everything changed—my feelings for Lissa. My confidence in my company. My entire direction in life became a big question mark. But I can look back on that now and see that it was a metamorphosis I needed. I was so sure of myself that I hadn’t bothered to evenlookat myself. I have now, and I know what I want. I want this,” he said, holding up their hands. “I want us. And I would really like to know what you want.”
Lola didn’t need a metamorphosis to know that she was falling in love with him. She wanted, more than anything, tobewith him. She could hear Casey’s voice:Just say it, chickenshit.
“Lola? What do you want?”
“I want... you to be happy,” she said. “Whatever that means.” She smiled.Nothing is wrong, everything is fine! Take all the time you need to walk all over this.
Harry stared at her. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means that I want you to be sure of everything. I don’t want you to wake up one day and wish you were with Melissa.”
His face darkened and he dropped her hand. “Will you please stop thinking about Melissa? She’s not your friend, she’s not your concern.”
“You were with her a long time—”
“I know how long I was with her!” he exploded, coming up out of his seat. “I want to know whatyou want,” he said again.
Lola shrunk back in her chair. She was suddenly reminded of a school counselor she’d been forced to see when a teacher noted how disheveled she looked at school. The counselor had tried to pry information out of a ten-year-old Lola. She’d grown frustrated with Lola’s evasive answers, then had said,“Let me ask this another way. If you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?”
“A house,”Lola had said instantly.“With a swing set. And maybe a bike we could share.”
The counselor had said,“Well, that’s not going to happen, sweetie, obviously. I can’t get you a house or a swing set.”
“Lola?”
“I told you,” she said.
He sighed. He looked down at the table, and locked his hands, ran them over his head. He gazed at her plaintively and said, “I don’t know what has happened in your life that you can’t express what you’re feeling. But I’m sorry for you. I am so very sorry.” He picked up the plates and went inside.
Their perfect Sunday came to a crashing end.
Lola fretted half the night, tossing and turning in her bed, reliving that moment on the terrace. She was a coward and a fool. She had let her fears and insecurities loom over her like a beast, menacing everything she did. She couldn’t live like this, she realized, like a scared little bird, always hopping back into her nest so that nothing could get her. That was the thing—there really was no danger except for the fear she’d allowed to live in her all these years.
She heard Harry in the kitchen at half past seven and got up. It took her a moment to find something to wear, and when she padded into the kitchen, she heard him on the phone.
“I’ll see you around four, okay?” He was talking low, as if he was trying not to wake her. “Listen, I have to run. I’ll explain when I see you—” There was an abrupt pause, and then he said, “Can it wait? Thanks. See you then.” He clicked off.
Lola’s heart began to beat wildly with panic. She knew without a doubt he was speaking to Melissa. She put her back to the wall, shoving her hands into her hair and squeezing against her head. What was she supposed to do? Had he given up on her so soon?
