Page 11 of Suddenly Dating
Lola got where Casey was coming from—but Lola also knew there was a different side to Will, and she wouldn’t be surprised if he confessed he’d made a mistake. She had no intention of taking him back... at least she didn’t think she did... but she wouldn’t mind hearing a little groveling.
She’d dressed carefully for the occasion, determined to give off the I-have-flourished-since-you-dumped-me vibe. She chose a very short, dark-blue dress that Lonnie McIlroy, a guy from work, had said was “smoking hot.” She wore tall navy pumps and some hosiery that cost almost as much as her electric bill. She casually draped a sweater around her shoulders, donned the pearls that she had scavenged from her grandmother’s things before everything had been sold, and tucked a tote bag under one arm. She was the cosmopolitan city girl, dashing by to humor her ex on her way to some place important. She was not the woman who slogged every day to work in a coat two sizes too big for her, carrying her lunch in one hand, and a canvas shopping bag with her laptop, office shoes, and files in the other.
On the afternoon she was to meet Will, Lola had marched confidently down the street with the absolute certainty that she looked so good, she was going to knock his socks off... but when she saw Will, it was her heart that had melted. It was him, the same man she’d met her second day on the job at the law firm. He of the broad shoulders and carefully tousled blond hair that was helped along with a lot of product each morning. He was wearing a suit, his tie loose at the collar. He smiled when he saw her, and he sort of lifted his hand halfway as if to catch her eye.
He caught her eye all right. Lola had felt a little fluttery. She hadn’t seen him in months, because stalking him on Facebook didn’t really count. He was here, in the flesh, smiling at her, and... and he was holding the leash of a fluffy brown dog about the size of a cat. It was sniffing intently around a tree.
“Hey, Lola,” he said, and put his arm around her, drawing her into his chest, kissing her cheek as if they had never fought and argued and hurt each other as badly as they had.
“Hi.” Lola didn’t know what to do with herself. He smelled like Will, he felt like Will. Jesus, she’d been so certain of what she was doing and now, suddenly, she had no idea what she was doing. She only wanted to lay her cheek against his chest, close her eyes, and pretend they were still married.
“How are you?” he asked, stepping back.
“I’m good,” she said cautiously. He didn’t look terribly upset. He didn’t look as if he was about to make some grand announcement that he’d been wrong.
A wet snout on her ankle caused Lola to look down. “You got a dog?”
“It’s Dani’s dog,” he said without looking at the dog.Dani,short for Danielle. Apparently, Will was living with two bitches now.
Will put his hand on Lola’s arm and drew her towards a scattering of tables on the sidewalk outside the coffee house. “Seriously, Lola, are you all right? You seem kind of... weird.”
He had to be kidding—she seemedweird? Like she found it easy to casually meet up with the man who had crushed her heart? And why did he have to know her so well? Loladidfeel a little weird sometimes, like her life was spinning and turning and going nowhere fast, like she was stuck in an endless public transportation loop between work, and picking up and dropping off nieces and nephews, and then on weekends taking the train out to Long Island to check in on her mother because God knew none of her siblings would do it consistently.“Weird?”she repeated, a bit miffed. “I’m fine!” And probably, she was a little too prickly in her response, because it had never seemed fair that Will was living this great life in the middle of Manhattan with a beautiful woman, and now, a cute little dog, while Lola wasstillrecovering from the gaping wound he’d left behind.
“I didn’t mean anything by it,” he said apologetically, and pulled out a chair at one of the empty tables for her. “I’m just concerned.” He sat down across from her and frowned thoughtfully at her.
“Will you stop looking at me like that?” she asked, and self-consciously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He was supposed to say,God, you look fantastic,orWow, I really messed up.
The dog barked at another dog passing by, then scampered under the table. Will didn’t seem to notice—he reached across the table for Lola’s hand. “Listen... I know this is hard. And if I haven’t said it before, I want to say it now. I am really sorry for breaking your heart. I mean that sincerely. If I could take it all back, I would.”
Even now, driving up and down Juneberry Road, Lola could remember how she’d felt when he’d said those words. She’d stared into his hazel eyes, a little sick, a little hopeful. It was exactly what she’d hoped he would say so she could tell him to fuck off, but instead, she’d said, “You would?” and had sounded pathetically needy.
“Yeah, of course,” he’d said, and had squeezed her hand before letting go and settling back in his chair.
Beneath the table, the dog jumped up and pawed at her knee, and she’d had the fleeting thought that the little bugger had probably snagged her expensive hosiery.
“I never ever wanted to hurt you,” Will said.
Wait, what? What was happening right then? The right words were coming out of his mouth, but the body language had been all wrong. Too casual, too easy. “What are you saying, Will?”
Will had looked at her blankly a moment. But then his eyes rounded. “Wait... you don’t think...” He sighed, bowed his head a moment, as if he was trying to think how to say what he meant in a way she would understand. “Please don’t misunderstand, Lola. I still would have left, no matter what.”
No matter what?
“We weren’t working out. What I’m trying to say, and badly, it would seem, is that in hindsight, I would have ended it differently.”
And just like that, everything had twisted. Lola had felt ridiculous in her navy dress and sweater and was unreasonably furious with herself for having dressed for him at all. She’d been absolutely livid that there was some part of her that believed Will could be a different man, could still love her, and that she’dwantedhim to love her. But no, he thought that she would somehow feel better if he’dended itdifferently. What a rotten sonofabitch. And Jesus, Casey was rightagain.
“Is that why you asked me to meet you?” she said, her voice icy to even her own ears. “To tell me there was a better way to break up our marriage?”
“No,”he’d said, looking appalled by that accusation. “Why do you have to get so hostile?”
“I’m not hostile, asshole. I’mfurious.”
“What has happened to you?” he asked, throwing his arms open like the forever put-upon male in a romantic comedy. “You looked a little down, that’s all. I just meant to help, Lola. I didn’t think you’d get all dressed up and get so...hopeful,” he’d said, looking for the right word.
Lola had wanted to kill him. She’d wanted to reach down his throat for his penis and yank it out. “What do you want?” she’d asked sharply and grabbed her purse and stood up.
“Keep your voice down,” he said, his eyes darting around them. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you. I’ve never seen you act like this.”
