Page 96 of Hard-Hearted Highlander
Fiona and Ualan had spent the night in her bed, the three of them gathered together. “Like the dogs,” Fiona had remarked.
Bernadette was to accompany Niall on the morrow with the last cart carrying the Kents’ things. That afternoon, as Ualan and Fiona argued over something in the salon, Bernadette said goodbye to Ina and sent her on her way with the last of the pitiful wages Lord Kent had left for her.
“Will you come again?” Ina asked.
Bernadette smiled and shook her head. “Not here.”
With Ina gone, there was nothing left to be done. Now that they were alone with Bernadette in the house, Ualan and Fiona chased each other on the terrace with sticks they pretended were swords.
Bernadette watched them idly. She was exhausted. She was emotionally and physically spent. But for the first time in several days she felt as if she could draw a clean breath. She felt as if her heart was actually beating, and not wrenching about in her chest.
The afternoon was growing late, and she walked out onto the drive to watch the sun begin its slide down behind the hills. She knew Rabbie would come, so it was no surprise to her when she heard a horse on the road approaching Killeaven.
She was standing just outside the entry, leaning against one of the columns, when he trotted onto the drive. He reined his horse to a halt, his gaze on her. He was assessing her, trying to determine her mood.
Bernadette gave him no indication. After he’d dropped two orphans here and ridden off, he didn’t deserve to know her mood.
He came off his horse and walked forward. He looked grim, she thought, as if he expected the worst. He stopped a few feet from her and was at a loss for words as his gaze wandered over her. It seemed to require some effort on his part to finally ask, “How do you fare, Miss Holly?”
“Well enough,” she said.
“And the children?”
“Oh, they are very well indeed. They are pretending at swordplay on the terrace.”
He nodded. He put one hand on his hip.
Bernadette thought there had never been a more appealing man to walk these Highlands. She wanted to feel his arms around her. And she wanted to punch him in the mouth. “I take it you’re still verra cross with me, aye?”
Bernadette said nothing.
“If it pleases you, my mother was appalled when I told her what I’d done,” he said. “She thought it absurd and unkind to all parties involved.”
“I agree with your mother.”
His shoulders sagged almost imperceptibly. “Well, then... I’ll collect them.”
“Don’t you mean to ask how we got on?”
One dark brow arched up, and he tilted his head to one side. “Dare I?”
“I think the three of us will agree that it was difficult. The children are loud, and they argue, and they require a lot of attention. I discovered I can be rather short when a child does not heed my advice.”
He frowned darkly. “Aye, then, you’ve made your point, Bernadette,” he said soberly. “I’ll fetch them now.”
“I’m not finished,” she said, and pushed away from the column. “I also require a lot of attention. I hadn’t realized just how much until...well, until I had it. I confess I fell very much apart, and I will confess that I despised you terribly for doing such a wretched thing. But Fiona and Ualan were so kind to me, and they were attentive, and they promised if I made them beans for supper they would not complain, and then I realized, you are right, Rabbie. I’ve been living in my past as much as you have yours. But those two? They can’t remember the past. They can only look to the future and what they see is bright and full of promise. From here on, I am determined to do the same.”
His expression changed. He looked cautiously hopeful. “Speak plainly, then,leannan—what do you mean to say?”
“I mean to say, Rabbie Mackenzie, that I don’t know if I can be any sort of proper mother to two orphans, if that’s what you have offered. I don’t know if I can be a proper wife to you...if that is what you have offered. But I am filled with hope and the desire to try—”
“Bernadette,” he said, his voice full of relief. He strode forward and wrapped her in his arms, kissing her temple, her cheek. “Diah,how I longed to hear you say it. You have given life to my heart,leannan.I love you. I love you so.”
“I love you, too, Rabbie,” she said, smiling. “I didn’t want to love you, God knows I wanted to despise you, and I was so angry with you for bringing Fiona and Ualan here as you did. But the moment I thought I would lose you, I was overcome with grief and sadness and... I don’t want to lose you,” she said, taking his face in her hands. “I don’t want to look back anymore. I want to look forward, with you.”
He groaned and kissed her neck.
“I want all that, but I have to know, Rabbie—have you really considered all that I’ve told you? Do you understand the sort of talk—”
