Page 69 of Digging Up Love
Granny set the megaphone down. “Don’t try and deny this dinosaur thing hasn’t been a little fun, Ali. I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time, sweetheart. Maybe since moving back.” She brushed stray dirt off the yellow petals of the zinnias. “I think the dinosaur man might have a little something to do with it.”
Dinosaur man.Alisha smiled in spite of her worry.
“Granny, he lives in Chicago.”
“And? Who knows where your steps might lead you?” She yanked out a dandelion. “I just hate to see you hide away when things get a little rowdy.”
“Hiding? I’m not hiding from anything. I’m keeping you safe.”
“Keeping yourself safe, more like.” Her grandma jammed her trowel into the earth. “It’s high time you stopped using me as an excuse not to go after what you want.”
Alisha jumped to her feet. Pins and needles shot through her legs, but she ignored them. “Everything I’ve done is for you and Grandpa.Sometimes life doesn’t work out how we plan, and I’ve made my peace with it.”
Preparing for the worst and keeping up her defenses was the only thing protecting her modest sources of happiness. Love too big, and you get hurt big.
“If you think you’re staying for me and your grandfather, you’re lying to yourself. And I know you’re not a liar. I raised you better’n that.”
“Well, maybe you did, and maybe you didn’t. After all, you raised my dad, and we all know how he turned out.”
With that, Alisha tore off her gloves and stalked inside, slamming the door so hard the frame rattled. She kicked off her Crocs and charged up the steps, then cranked on the shower in the hall bathroom before running up the second flight of stairs to grab clean clothes. By the time she got back to the bathroom, steam billowed out of the doorway, and she couldn’t see her reflection in the mirror. Good.
Once in the solitude of the shower, she let hot, salty tears fall. Here, where her weakness would be washed down the drain, she allowed herself tofeel.
A liar. Worse than being a leaver. Maybe she hadn’t lied outright, but she hadn’t been truthful either. And the smart-aleck comment about her dad ... where had that come from? They never talked about her dad. Ever.
But the truth remained: her father’s blood coursed through her veins. She’d never deserted her family, but she surehadlied by omission to her grandparents and Simone. For years. She slammed off the water, not even sure if she’d finished washing or not.
Dragging a towel across her shoulders, Alisha stepped out of the shower. Tears threatened again, but a couple of deep breaths locked them down in the depths, where they belonged.
She smeared lotion all over her legs and threw on shorts and a tank. After grabbing an armful of toiletries, she took the stairs two at a timeand dumped them into her duffel bag. A knock on her door halted her whirlwind of packing. Knowing who’d be on the other side, she opened it, guilt for lashing out nagging her insides. But Granny took one look at Alisha and gathered her in a tight hug. The scent of lavender wafted over Alisha like a calm breeze.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said about Dad,” she said, lips moving against her grandma’s hair.
Releasing her, Granny took a step back. “Oh no, I think maybe you did.” Warm afternoon light flooded the room. “Ali, I know it’s been many years since my son left you here in our care.” She reached for Alisha’s hands, then clasped them tightly. “But you need to know I’ve forgiven myself for how he turned out and the decisions he made. Parents are responsible for our children, yes. But once they’re grown, they make their own choices.”
Her eyelids dropped. “I’ll always wonder if I did something wrong with Kenneth.” She tightened her lips, and when she raised her eyes to Alisha’s again, pain swam in their depths. “IknowI did things wrong. But I wonder if I could have done more thingsright, to raise a son who wouldn’t abandon his own children. But I can’t blame myself for his actions, and I also can’t hate him for it, because his selfishness gave me two of my greatest gifts.” Granny stepped back, bringing their joined hands between them.
“But I need you to know something. Not only amIno longer responsible for my son’s actions; most importantly, neither areyou,” she said, squeezing Alisha’s fingers, hard. “You, little lady, were not and are not,not ever, responsible for your father’s mistakes.”
Alisha shifted her gaze to the side, where a shaft of sunlight lit up dust motes floating in the still air. She didn’t believe she was responsible, not really. Just ... culpable.
But Granny reached under her chin and dragged her back. “I mean it, Alisha Marianne.”
Tears welled at the sound of her middle name, and Granny hugged her again, her platinum-crowned head pressed against her granddaughter’s pounding heart.
“Oh, sweetheart, please. Please don’t take his wretchedness on yourself.” She rubbed Alisha’s back between her shoulder blades. When she let go, her pale-green eyes were shimmering. “And, sweetie, I’m sorry I pushed you so hard. I guess maybe I thought the tough-love act might bring you out of this funk.”
Shaking her head, Alisha said, “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just ...” She bit her thumbnail, but Granny tutted and touched her wrist. “Is that what you think of me? That I’m a—” Her throat swelled, and she swallowed hard, but the thickness remained. “A liar? A coward?”
Her grandma raised her eyebrows. “Pardon?”
“You ... you think I’m scared to fight for my happiness. That I’m using you and Grandpa as an excuse.”
“Oh no, honey. I don’t think you’re a coward at all. But I think maybe I am.” A tear traced its way down Granny’s cheek, and Alisha’s heart clenched. “I saw how happy you’ve been since Quentin showed up. I saw the light in your eyes. And I got to thinking ... maybe you’ve never been happy here, and I’ve been too blind to see it.” Her grandmother heaved a sigh. “I love having you here, Ali. But I don’tneedyou here.”
“Even with the world turned upside down?”
“If you think one local news spot is enough to turn my world upside down, you must think I’m more of an old biddy than I imagined.”
