Page 90 of Second Tide's the Charm
“Which is exactly why it took me so long to figure this out,” he says. “I tried to work through things on my own, but that’s not how relationships work. I should’ve been fully open with you, the way you were with me two months ago.”
“Has it really only been that long?” It feels like a lifetime.
“I haven’t counted exactly, but yes.” He gives me a half smile. “So it’s been bad for you too?”
I nod. “Not all bad. I mean, there are sharks—”
He laughs, mouth wide, head tipped back, so loudly that a few people nearby turn their heads, but I don’t care. I join in, heart full of joy at the way this man makes me feel.
But there’s feeling, and there’s knowing, and I need to make sure we’re on the same page. “What made you ready to trust me with this now?”
“I realized I wasn’t sheltering you from risk, I was hiding. It scared me to be in that vulnerable place again with you, after what happened last time.”
My hands go cold and clammy at his words, and I set the cup on the table next to me to avoid spilling it. “Adrian—”
“The risks still scare me,” he says. “Sharing videos is a risk, no matter how careful I am. But I do it anyway because I believe we’re making a difference.” They are. I see it every day in the people who respond to the videos I haven’t been able to stop watching, even though it’s been painful.
“And if I’m honest, staying with you, when you have a hold on my heart I can’t seem to break, that’s a risk. Because losing you the first time shattered me. But the things I want take courage. You’re worth risking my heart, Hope.”
I take a moment to digest his words. None of this is easy, for either of us. But he broke the silence. He came all this way to try.
But he also had a right to hesitate, and I want to know if he’s sure. “It’s a big thing, to start over. And we’re so different; I thrive with uncertainty, but you love a life that’s mapped out. I don’t want you to feel like you have to change in order to be with me. And I know I can’t, or won’t, and it’s really the same thing.”
“We don’t have to change in order to be together,” he says. “That’s partly why I was so scared of committing to this again. I didn’t want you to be with me at the expense of your dreams.” He scoots to the edge of his seat, so close, I could touch him, but I don’t. Waiting.
“But my career has taken a drastic turn, and I’ve seen the value in pivoting. There’s a whole world of possibilities. We just have to be patient with each other. And creative. Because make no mistake, I do want to be with you.” He never looks away, his gaze unwavering, voice steady and sure—about me. “Wherever you are. Whatever you’re doing, I want us to be together.”
Together. My heart latches onto the word and holds tight. “I want that too.”
A smile streaks across his face like the sun’s rays filtered through a cloud. “I know you need time to decide your next steps, and I want you to have the space you need, but I want you to know my heart is yours, and I’m ready to keep figuring this out, with you, for as long as you’ll have me.”
With that, he stands up and makes his way through the crowd until he’s out of sight.
“He just walked away?” Zuri’s incredulity has me picturing a trio of exclamation marks punctuating her words, and I smile in spite of my own bewilderment.
“Right?” My free arm is hooked around my knees as I gaze out over the Pacific surf, phone to my ear. “I was still trying to absorb everything he told me, and by the time I decided to follow, he’d left.”
Unsure to what extent Marissa was involved in helping Adrian find me, I wound up texting what was probably an incoherent excuse and drove straight from the conference to the nearest beach.
I spent the next hour dodging beachgoers as I paced the shore, not caring when the hem of my only pair of dress pants got ruined with sand and salt. Too wound up to sit still, I stayed in motion. Walked until the sun was low over the horizon and the sunset reminded me of home. And then I called Zuri.
I told her his whole speech, what I remember of it. The details are fading fast; my senses were so heightened in the moment, and now all I remember is the essence of his words. The care in his eyes. The way his hands knit together when he spoke, the only giveaway of his nervousness. The way he told me he was certain of me.
“All that, and he didn’t even give me a chance to answer.”
“Sounds like he wanted to give you the same space you offered him,” Zuri says. “He let you know how he feels, but maybe he thought you might need time to think things over with the pressure off.”
“But all I felt was relief at hearing how much he wants a life with me. The worry I used to feel that falling in love might steal my dreams is gone, because I know it’s the opposite with Adrian.” I used to only be certain of one thing: I wanted to spend my life studying sharks.
Relationships matter—I don’t know where I’d be without Zuri to clown around with and Marissa to debrief with. I love my parents and their support has been a constant in my life. But a romantic relationship never seemed worth the hassle. Before I met Adrian, I didn’t see how a boyfriend would fit in my life. Didn’t feel a lack that needed to be filled.
But things with him were always different. We were a match, and it wasn’t about filling a gap, but about adding joy to my already full life.
Zuri’s asking me something, but I miss it. “What did you say?”
“I said, then why are you talking to me and not him?”
Restless again, I get to my feet and walk closer to the foamy waves. The sand is damp from the tide’s retreat, but I’m not bothered. I feel grounded near the water’s edge, able to focus.
