Page 83 of Love is an Open Book
“Don’t do that, either.” I pull away. “Don’t get all overexcited. We’re very much in the figuring-out stage. We had a big argument yesterday, and that almost never happens.”
“About what?” She finally drops her voice to a whisper, though there’s really no need. The hall is loud enough thatreaders and I have basically been shouting to each other across the table to be heard.
“It’s a long story, but he might be leaving to take over for his dad, and I think the stress of everything got overwhelming in the moment. But instead of pulling us together like it usually does, it pushed us apart. What if that’s because we’re—” I lower my voice to a whisper “—together?”
Kim grins. “You make it sound like a bad word. What if the issue isn’t how your relationship has changed, but that you refuse to acknowledge it? If you were committed to dating, wouldn’t that be one less stress?”
“Maybe, but it would also take away the possibility for us to treat this like it never happened.”
“Mia, come on. That was never a real possibility.”
She’s right, and my stomach churns at the thought. Like it or not, Gavin and I have crossed the point of no return.
“And in the end,” she says, “you two are grown adults. What’s the worst that could happen, you break up?”
“Yes, and then I lose one of my best friends.”
“Or you acknowledge this wasn’t the right move and go back to the way things were. You don’t have to pretend it never happened if you can move past it.”
Maybe that’s the escape hatch I’ve been looking for. My chance to stop overthinking things. If this doesn’t work out, there’s no reason we have to lose each other. Friendship is still an option. But for that to work, I’ll need to keep my heart in check.
The rest of the con passes with only the slightest of hitches—a question on the panel about how long it took me to finish writing this book, to which I replied honestly, “I haven’t.” But I was able to join in the laughter that followed because the end is finally in sight.
I don’t have time to check my phone until Kim and I finish dinner with some author friends of mine and I’m in an Uberback to the hotel after saying goodbye to my sister outside the restaurant. My heart falls when I see I’ve missed several texts and a call.
Gavin:I’m sorry about yesterday.
Gavin:Can we talk?
A voicemail notification pops up, and I tap it, heart fluttering with nerves.
“Hey, Mia. I feel like this might be the first time I’ve left one of these in forever. Are we still on for couples therapy? Because I think we might need it.” A chuckle. “Seriously, though. I hate fighting, and I understand that you’re under a lot of pressure. I didn’t mean to make light of it. That’s it, I guess. See you tomorrow, I hope. And, Mia, I really am sorry.”
I call him back, but it goes to voicemail—not surprising since it’s almost 11:00 p.m. I text him back:Me too. Stressed and shouldn’t have snapped at you. Can’t wait for tomorrow. My thumb hovers over the heart emoji that I’ve used a million times with him but feels like a declaration now. A declaration I’d rather make face-to-face than over text.
I was scared to admit it, but friendship doesn’t feel right anymore. People always say therapy is a safe space. I think that’s exactly what I need. A safe place to show Gavin that I’m willing to take a chance on love.
Twenty-Seven
Gavin
I’m waiting alone for the relationship workshop to start on Sunday afternoon, trying not to feel like I stand out as the only single person among couples who all seem to know each other from previous sessions. The convention wrapped up last night and Mia promised she’d be here, but my stomach is in knots. We’re both under a lot of stress, and instead of letting me support her, she pushed me away for the first time ever. I can’t help but feel it’s because we’re in a weird in-between place. Not quite friends, not quite dating.
This couples retreat feels like the final hurdle to clear. Get through this and then we can tell our friends and family about our relationship when the time is right. Except I don’t know if we’re being real about our relationship or faking friendship today. Mia is coming here straight from the convention, and didn’t answer when I called her back after seeing her missed call from last night, so I figured she was busy packing and checking out of the hotel.
The excursion is at a park near the river, and most of the people are gathered under one of the picnic shelters, snacking and chatting, but I’m too nervous to eat. The email Sera forwarded said we’re supposed to “Dress to Get Wet,” and when I see the pile of inflatable tubes, I’m glad I wore my swimsuit instead of shorts. Hovering near the edge of the group, I finally catch sight of Mia. Her face breaks into a huge grin when we lock eyes, and something in my chest shifts and settles into place.
She’s dressed in a belly-baring tank top and windbreaker shorts. The light colors pop against her glowing skin, and when she throws her arms around me in a tight hug, I have to tamp down the reflex to press my lips to hers. But she surprises me by rising on tiptoes and kissing me.
“I’m so sorry, Gavin,” she says when she pulls away. “I let stupid stuff crowd out what matters and—” She tenses, lets go, and stares.
The move is so abrupt that I follow her line of sight and— No way. Her sister and Ted are making their way over from the parking lot. Kim says something to him and angles off toward the park building markedRestrooms. “Did you know they’d be here?”
“Kim never mentioned it,” Mia says under her breath, stepping behind me like I’ll be able to hide her. She peeks out and whispers, “But why would she? Not like she thought it would be something I’d want to sign up for.”
“We didn’t sign up,” I whisper out of the side of my mouth, keeping my focus ahead. “Sera and Joe set us up. We don’t have to go through with it.” How are we supposed to act? I have a feeling she might’ve told her sister about the trope tests, but does Kim know what’s really going on between us? Before I can ask, Ted’s voice rings out.
“Gavin?” My eyes pinch shut. Freaking Ted.
