Page 82 of The Lovers
I answer, fully expecting his breakdown mode to be in high gear. Weepy eyes, glasses off, probably a glass of merlot in hand. He’s all those things, plus a sun hat because he’s sitting in a float in the dead center of the swimming pool.
“Dad, what are you doing using your phone in the pool?” iPhones can handle getting dropped in water, sure, but even the newest ones have limits. And I know for a fact Dad has already dropped his in the toilet and the birdbath twice. Each.
“They are Facebook official now!” he exclaims, ignoring my warnings.
“Dad, nobody cares about Facebook anymore,” I reply, rolling my eyes.
“Well I do!” he cries. “All our friends do. The guys at the club do—she’s brought her to the club. They golfed nine holes and then did the sauna before taking a photo together in front of everyone right there on the veranda.”
“I know this is hard, but you two are breaking up. You had to expect that she would bring her out and about. You had to expect she would introduce her to your friends.”
“I did, I did, but now that it’s all happening, I just want it to be over.”
I know he means the meet and greets and not his life, but I make a mental note to see if Nina can go over and check on him this afternoon.
“She served me papers.”
“Divorce papers?” Now, this does surprise me.
“It’s over and I don’t know what to do without her,” he says, his face breaking down as tears well in his eyes. “It’s just happening so fast.”
It hurts to see Dad in this state. It makes me angry again at Mom for making choices that put him here. And that thought makes me a whole different kind of angry. I want to put all of this on Mom, but I’m leaving out a crucial part in the narrative. Dad is a hopeless romantic who has built his happiness on someone else, and as he did, she felt trapped, went behind his back, just because she wanted something different for herself. Just because she wanted to look out for herself and her own happiness for once.
I’m afraid of being like him in a relationship. Of someone else’s love defining my joy.
But there is an even deeper fear buried under the surface. Scarier for me to consider.
I’m afraid of becoming like my mom. Following my heart and breaking someone else’s in the process.
As much as I want Julia to be my true north, I don’t know if making her that is fair. To her, or to me. I don’t know yet if I can let my intuition lead without a point I’ve designated as the end. IfI can see life as a joyous adventure and not worry so much about reaching a certain outcome.
An ideal outcome. A Happily Ever After.
I want to believe that the more I trust my inner truth, the more that truth will set my path free. I want to believe that even if Julia chose to walk away, I wouldn’t crumble without her. No matter how much I want the life we might build together or how much I’d miss her if she were gone.
My mind conjures an image of the World tarot card, the meaning rising to the surface.
Life is more than just aThe End.
The Endis really only the beginning.
I look back into the FaceTime camera and talk Dad down from yet another wine and social media ledge. I promise him when I’m home tomorrow I will help him sort all this out. He’s not alone. And then as soon as I hang up, I text Nina to do some stand-in-daughter recon, which she’s happy to do after her dog-walking gig.
I want to be with Julia. For now, that’s the only part I need figured out.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Julia
Most people know at least a few wedding day superstitions.
Rain is a good omen, despite how it can royally fuck with anything from the venue to the bride’s updo.
Borrowing an item from a happily married woman and wearing it the day of is good luck.
Finding a spider in your clothing, while totally creepy if you aren’t into arachnids, is supposed to be a portent of good health and happiness.
You’re not supposed to see your betrothed before the ceremony.
