Page 98 of The Lovers
“So here it is. HereIam.” I tighten my hand around the tarot card. “I’m happy to say, out loud, that I am bi.”
There it is. Nina does a cheer off camera, waving a little bi flag I had no idea she brought with her. I feel the corner of my lip edge up.
Calling myself bi feels right,right now. The more I learn about my own sexuality, the more I see my own queerness through the lens of a rainbow spectrum.
The more I know that my experience is mine alone.
Mine to understand. Mine to approve. Mine to feel.
All mine.
“Wow, that feels so good to say. I know a lot of you will wonder how I knew, or when. I’ve always known on some level, but until recently, I was terrified to act on my feelings. And even when I did, I was mortified that someone would find out and it would change who I was to them. I wouldn’t be able to get that back—I wouldn’t be me anymore, even though my queerness is an integral part of what makes meme.
“When that video went viral, I didn’t have a choice to keep it a secret anymore. But I wasn’t going to let that define what I did next. I wasn’t going to react. I wasn’t going to hide. I wanted to listen to my own heart, get sure of what it wanted. Because no matter what you saw in that video, it wasn’t the whole story, and it definitely wasn’t my voice telling it.”
Now for the scariest part.
This always works in the movies. The speech. We all know it well. Right now, a montage is playing in our heads of all ourfavorites. Adam on the plane inThe Wedding Singer. Julia in the bookshop inNotting Hill.
And, of course, the original.
Harry Burns on New Year’s Eve pouring out his heart to a weepy, permed-to-perfection Sally Albright.
It’s iconic for a reason. Essential to the plot.
Only my love interest isn’t here. So, yeah, I really hope she sees this.
“From here on out, I reclaim the narrative. My queerness isn’t something I’m scared of anymore and I’m not hiding from it. That means that I have something I need to say to the woman who danced with me that night and who in every way is worth risking it all to be with.”
I lock eyes with the camera, pretending I’m locking eyes with Julia.
“My Twin Flame, I’m done running. I’m done being a version of myself that isn’t the whole picture. I miss you like mad. I want you so bad. I’m ready to find you again, if you’re ready to find me.”
Now my heart races for an entirely different reason.
Adrenaline I want. Hope that I believe in.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Julia
We stand in a stunned silence, but my brain is loud, thoughts all crashing around in my head. Did she just give me a rom-com speech?
“I can see that you’re losing grip,” Coco says, dropping into my eyeline. “But yes, she did, in fact, declare her affection for you to her now”—Coco looks at the iPad again—“one point two million subscribers.” Her hands cup my shoulders. “What are we thinking? What are we feeling?”
“She said she wanted me…”
Coco nods. “Umm, yes, important detail to focus on.”
“I don’t know if this will help or hurt, but I have one more secret I’ve been keeping,” Zoe chimes in, locking the iPad screen and returning to her bag.
“Zoe, you’re leaving us hanging in a crisis…” Coco says.
My eyes focus on Zoe as she approaches, clutching something in her hand.
Not just something.
A tarot card.
