Page 76 of The Sun and the Moon
I want to let her in all the way, to every hidden, secret place.
“There you are” comes my mother’s voice. My stomach leaps, feeling caught in the act even though I’m an adult and also I’m not doing anything wrong. Chicken jumps, his tiny paws all lifting off the ground at once. I turn around to see she’s approaching, dressed in a matching silky top-and-pants set that looks like elevatedloungewear. As she nears, I see that the bright pattern is actually a tarot card print. The deck cascades, with the major and minor arcana overlapping each other in brightly dramatic jewel tones.
“Thereyouare,” I say, unable to pull my gaze from her outfit. Searching, maybe, for the Ten of Cups, though I can’t admit that out loud.
She preens, spinning around to reveal that the back of her shirt has one large tarot card printed on top. The Magician, number one in the major arcana and one of her personal favorites.
“Custom-made,” she says. “Gifted by a designer I read for once.” She wants me to ask her the rest of the story, so clearly I can’t.
“This is from REI,” I say, yanking on the hem of my sweatshirt. “Bought and paid for.” Chicken tugs at the leash. Her eyes scan down, landing on him.
“Sydney is still sleeping,” I reply to her unasked question. I start to move, beholden to the whim of a six-pound dog. She follows, easing into stride as Chicken chases a scent across the courtyard.
“He likes you,” she says. “Me he mostly tolerates.”
“Mostlytolerates, or…?” I jest. It’s a slippery slope, bantering with my mother. It’s too easy for her to take advantage of my unguarded walls when I’m trying to match her wit.
“All right, he despises me.” She smiles, unashamed. “But I’m not much of an animal person.”
“To put it lightly.” I snort, thinking back to the time I rescued a litter of kittens from the canyon, likely after being dumped there by some hideous human. She let me keep them in the garage for one night before taking them to the shelter.
“You’re thinking about those kittens,” she says with a snarl.“And I stand by the decision.” She says that second part in a tone that is almost defiant.
“As if I would expect anything less.” I cut her a look, but she’s looking at Chicken again. We’ve stopped at another bush, where he’s busy marking up a storm.
“I’ve tried with him, though. For Rick. He just loves the little menace.” She’s watching as Chicken now moves on to smell a patch of perennials planted in the flower bed at the edge of the courtyard. “Do you think it’s something about me?”
I have to bite back a guffaw. “It’s definitely personal,” I say, lips twitching, throat wobbly. “And you should take it that way.”
Her brow hooks. She likes this game, whatever it is, but she’s surprised I’m willing to play.
“Oh, I do, no question. But Rick is in denial.”
She talks so casually about Rick, the man she’s marrying, the man she met just a few months ago. She talks of doing things for him, caring about what he cares about—Chicken, his friends, his daughter, and his magic tricks. She talks like someone who understands selflessness. Without ever saying it explicitly, Moira has set out to turn over a whole new leaf. She’ll self-edit the parts that don’t fit from the past, and no one around here will be the wiser.
She’s a psychic by trade, butthisis her superpower.
The spike of pain that unleashes in my chest makes me want to run all the way back to Acadia. To hide in the mountains, in crags on cliffsides, in a cave she would never dare to venture inside. Where she won’t see me. Where I won’t have to think about how her existence has eclipsed every part of my own and the only way to forge my own autonomy was to leave her world behind.
“Cadence.” She says my name, the name she gave me, a name I love, and it yanks me out of my spinning thoughts. Our eyesmeet. “I have to go to the winery in a couple of hours to finalize a few details before the engagement brunch tomorrow. Would you like to come along?”
Me. Alone with my mother. On purpose.
Me, alone with my mother, finally.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Sydney
I wake slowly. My internal clock never really adjusts to time zones, so I almost always expect to either oversleep or wake up at some random, odd time in the night and think it’s morning. The light is cool and bright as it slips through the partially opened slats in the blinds. I slept well for the first time in days, and I know the reason why.
As my eyes adjust to the room, my mind skates back over the adventure of last night.
Cadence throwing the perfect bull’s-eye axe.
Our clandestine escape from the tent.
Every part of her body; her lips, my fingers, her moans, my orgasm.
