Page 81 of See You Soon
Something erupts inside of me and I've decided I've had enough. I've had enough of her ignorant, hurtful comments. I stand up from the chair, my hands turning into fists at my sides. I'm breathing quickly through my nose, hot air releasing.
"Ma, that's enough! I don't have to be here. I don't have to stay here with you in this house butI do it for you. For Paul. I have my own life and career set, I can do this on my own. I don't need anyone that's not supportive of my life choices. I don't need you. I don't even need Danny."
Her eyes circle and she's taken aback by my defensive tone. She sits back in her chair, her hands resting on the arms of the chair, looking up at me.
"My faith in God hasn't been the same since Paul's death. I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear this. I don't know what I believe anymore but what I do believe is that I don't think anyone should have to wait until they are married to have sex if they don’t want to. That's such a big part of someone's life. It's not taboo to want to discover that part of being human before getting married! I will not be afraid anymore. I will not let this trauma from our religion hinder my life choices ever again.”
My mother scoffs and crosses her arm. She shakes her head and looks away from me. She's offended by my outrage but I don't care. I love my mother but she needs to understand that I'm not the same Ari anymore. I couldn't keep this inside any longer.
"Yes, Danny and I just met. My pregnancy was an absolute accident but you know what?"
I choke up. My throat hurts and I swallow the lump beginning to form.
"I will be the best mom I can be despite any obstacles life throws at me. Even if I do it alone, I know I'll be okay." My voice cracks. My mom is in silence and I see that her face has softened. She releases a harsh breath, looking at her surroundings. She's trying to gather her thoughts, her lips trembling.
"I'm sorry. Mija, come here. I'm sorry." She apologizes and I'm stunned. My knees are weak but I mentally remember to stay strong. This was a new era in my life and I'm glad that instead of crying and cowering from confrontation, I stood my ground.
“It’s just ever since you got back it’s already changing my life. I’m worried about you. This ex-boyfriend of yours has me fearing for your life and mine.” She starts to tremble. “All of this is stressing me out. Shane wants to kill you. He wants to take the only child I have left?” Her voice breaks and she’s crying. Tears fall out from both eyes as she struggles to look at me.
I walk fast to her and hold her shoulder. I hate seeing my mother cry.
“You have to look at this from my point of view. I was raised my entire life, by my parents to wait until marriage, until you have met a man of God. A man who worships Him.” She points to the ceiling. “To live your life by His commandments…” she pauses.
“But your happiness means more to me. I know you’re changing. And I’m proud of the woman that you’re becoming.”
I'm shocked. This was not the reaction I was expecting.
I walk over to my mother and she turns around in her chair, looking at my stomach. Her eyes lock onto my sweater and she places her hand on top of it.
"I'm going to be a grandma..." she laughs and tears up.
"I'm too young!" She jokes, wiping at her eyes, preventing tears from falling. She brushes her black peppered bangs out of her eyebrows.
"I'm going to be a grandma." She repeats, holding her cheeks with both of her palms, happiness sparks from her body and weight falls off of my shoulders. The initial shock of my pregnancy finally settles in.
“Yes, you are. And Paul is going to be an uncle.”
She stands up and embraces me. I hug her back tightly and refrain from crying. She steps back and grabs my hands with hers. Her touch is cold and soft. Her veiny hands are underneath my palms.
“I have questions I need answered though.” She arched her brows, studying me.
“Yes, Ma?”
“Does Danny know you’re pregnant? How old is he anyways?”
“No, he doesn’t… His job is just like Paul’s, mom. I can’t talk to him when he’s doing special operations. And I believe he’s thirty-three.”
“When in the world is he coming back? Hopefully, it’s before the baby is here!” My mom exclaims dramatically.
“I’ve been wondering the same thing.” My chest tightens at the thought of him.
I'm starting to worry about his safety. Something pulls my attention to the front windows and the flashback of two uniformed men at my front door, comes back sickeningly. I shake my head out of that delusion. He's going to come back.Danny promised mehe would be back.
Chapter35
ari
"You're fucking kidding me?" Meredith's amber eyes look at me, full of fear. She brushes her curly hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear.
