Page 105 of The Depraved Prince
Everyone is scaredof me.
“I did something…very bad,” I admit, still trying to remember the events of that night I captured Millie from her home. It’s all fuzzy, and no matter what I do, nothing changes, and it’s driving me crazy. I tuck my hands into my suit, pacing back and forth. I stare at the balcony I used to fuck her on, underthe moonlight, and then we would stargaze together right after. I would listen to her heartbeat like it’s my national anthem, as she would listen to the bats fly by and the waterfall crash against the Earth. She’s everywhere, even when she’s not.
“What did you do?” Her voice softens like she’s afraid of the answer…afraid of me. “Is that why you’ve been so irritable? Drinking all night and snapping at everyone who talks to you? Why did you let her go?”
It’s true. Alcohol is a funny thing. Lately, I’ve been craving it more than blood. It twists my pain until all I can feel is numbness. The old me wants to make a comeback. Where meaningly fucks and drinks were my favorite way to spend my nights.
“I’ve been asking myself that same damn question since she left!” I snarl and let my demons that I’ve been holding in arise from hell, and the depravity takes over.
“I blacked out and killed her father,” I murmur as I take out a cigarette. I light it up, waiting for it to burn. I take a hit and watch the smoke swirl into the cold, crisp air, and my heart sinks when I see those pretty brown eyes with golden sparks deep inside my soul. She’s in my head, she won’t fucking leave my head, and if it’s the only place I can see her, I’ll gladly live in my mind like it’s my new prison.
“Ahh. Yes, that’ll do it. Humans can be sensitive to their boyfriends murdering their parents. It’s not a good look, son,” Mother snickers like it’s a joke.
I scoff. I just wish I could remember it. I don’t remember killing multiple Kingsguard men in our own Cathedral; why would it be any different when it came to her father? I hate that I black out sometimes from rage. It’s a factor that’s a part of my DNA. Only Millie makes it go away.
“I sent them a donation for my mistake. I know it’s nothing. I know I’m vile and cruel, and I can’t bring her father back, but if Ican take that financial burden off her shoulders and her brother, then so be it.”
“How much?”
“One hundred.”
“Billion?
“Million, they wouldn’t let me add a zero.”
I take another hit, trying to block out flashes of us tangled up together. I can still smell her. I can still taste her. I can still hear her moans, her voice, and her laugh, even though she’s thousands of miles away. She’s haunting me.
I meant it when I said I’m her prisoner.
I can still feel the way she used to run her hands through my hair when we would watch movies together after I made love to her fiercely. I can still feel the way her pussy tightened around my cock when I hit that one spot inside of her over and over again. I can still feel how she looks at me…like I’m not a monster, but a man capable of giving her the world.
She’s inside me. She’s torturing me by denying me, and she expects me just to let her go? The only reason why I’m not there, hauling her ass back to my bed, is because of the way she looked at me.
She sees the monster everyone else sees, and it taints my strength to run after her. If this were any other day, I would be in Texas, grabbing her by the neck and forcing her back with me. But something chipped inside me, and I still don’t fucking understand it.
Yes, I threatened everyone she loves if she were to leave me so that I could have her all to myself. And I would do it again even though it backfired. I know who the hell I am, and I’ve come to terms with it long before I met Millie. I crave her all the time, morning, day, and night; I breathe Millie in like my oxygen. She’s more than my obsession. She’s more than my queen. She’s the entire kingdom.
She’s out there, left unprotected, and I can’t do it anymore.
She’s stubborn. She’s fighting me because she’s scared of her feelings for me. I may have killed her father, but I know she still wants me.
“How does it feel to be King?” My mother asks me as she strides to the door to the Cathedral. She holds the knob waiting for me to answer.
“Pointless,” I rasp and run a hand through the beard I’ve been growing out these past few days. It’s astonishing how our bodies are selective with human traits. I drink in the air as if that’ll deflate the emptiness Mille left in my heart.
“Everything is pointless without her,” I repeat. “Like I’m walking a road with no end and nothing to look at but never-ending, vast, black-and-white walls because the color in my life has dulled further down than ever before.”
I’ve never known how to keep something good in my life because I don’t know how to hold onto it without destroying it.
“You remind me a lot of your uncle. The way he loved Adriyana was admirable, violent, and, most of all, frowned upon and unaccepted by the council. He never gave up on her, even when they executed him.” She opens the door to the cathedral. “I’m leaving for Europe with your father. All I ask is that you take care of Kallum.” She pauses before she vanishes. “What you did to that poor girl is wrong, but I will no longer interfere in your life, son. I’ve had enough. Maybe I feel responsible for how your father and I raised you, but you’re still my son. No matter what you have done in the past and what you will do in your future…you are still my son.”
“To King Hayden Drago!The Depraved Prince is now the Depraved King…drink up, boys!” Landon shouts, and everyone holds cups of alcohol in the air, cheering with vibrant ruby eyes. Their glasses chime together, and I sit numbly on the chair by the bonfire. I tap my feet anxiously as I watch the trees sway before me.
I finally gave in to Landon’s request to celebrate. I stopped showing my face around the North after my uncle was executed, but now I have a duty to the people and obligations to meet. So I can slowly ease myself into it by letting one of my loyal friends hold this party for me.
Everyone is drinking, dancing, and even fucking at Landon’s home. Everyone brought their little human pets to the bonfire, and I don’t carry the temptation to snatch one away like I always did before. It’s nonexistent.
Landon, Kolton, and the rest walk away, leaving me to sulk in the imprisonment of my own mind.
