Page 110 of Mariposa
“You tried to go out with Booker before me, didn’t you? He was the one who invited you to the bar, and you came. Is that what you’re into? Older men? Instructors?”
His words cut me deep as he continues to break me apart.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask, fighting back tears.
“Master Sergeant!” Slater booms, cutting into our conversation. He looks at him, then gets in my face so I can only hear him. His storm of wrath inflicts more pain the closer he gets.
“Don’t you get it? Listen, I’ll never be able to hold your hand and take you to the movies for date nights without someone judging the shit out of us. Do you think Penny will accept that I’m dating our son’s ex-girlfriend? You think Adam will ever want me in his life after finding out what we’ve done?”
“Who cares what people think?” I snap.
“They’re not just people. They’re my family,” he bites back.
“So what am I, Kade?” I croak. “I wouldn’t be enough family for you? I’m not good enough for you?” Tears prick my eyes.
“This has to be only lust between you and me because we don’t work. I don’t want this. I’m done having kids. I promised myself I’d never marry again.”
His words are slicing my chest apart, drying my tongue and throat. Agony vibrates through me.
“Has it ever occurred to you that I might not want those things? Maybe I just want you? I only need one reason why we work. Maybe I don’t need a ring on my finger or a white dress. Maybe I’ll be happy only holding the lover or girlfriend title, but I’ll do it because I’m all in. I know you carry demons, struggles, and darkness inside you, but it isn’t enough to scare me away. You’re not as bad as you think you are.”
He shakes his head.
“It was always going to end, you know that.”
“So, what? You’ve ruined me for any other man, and now you pull this?” My pitch rises.
He huffs distantly.
“It’s Master Sergeant O’Connell. It’s done. The mission has begun.” He walks away from me, leaving me in a state of shock. With watery eyes, I watch his muscular back shift with each step in front of a whipping Chinook. Every deep, shaky breath I take isn’t enough to mask the pain. I keep shaking my head until I let it drop and lean my weight on one hip.
He’s ended things.
I knew this would come to an end eventually, but why was I under the impression we had a future? Why am I falling apart while he’s stone-cold? Why did I let myself get to this position where I let someone in?
And why is Karen doing this?
I lock my knees to prevent myself from feeling the hurricane of fury that storms through my insides.
The mission comes first. It always comes first.
Kade is the first in the helicopter, and the entire team follows him. I run inside, taking the farthest seat away from him. I glance at the empty seat beside me. Castle is supposed to be sitting here so I can follow her lead, but her absence makes a lump in my throat. Slater is just outside the Chinook as it closes, saluting us goodbye. He has to stay and take charge of a different mission today. His plans changed a few hours ago.
Booker’s laughter erupts to my right, and my head jerks to the sound. He sits next to a stone-cold skull-masked Kade. He can feel my dreary, agonizing stare on him because he looks in my direction. I hold his intense, narrowed glare for a pregnant moment. There’s an unforgivable fire in his mismatched, darkened eyes—a look of hatred and betrayal. Before I can get a chance to blink, he rips himself away and takes out his knife.
Before anyone else can decipher our quarrel, I close my eyes and let the back of my head collide with the cabin wall. I’m so fucking stupid for ever thinking that Kade O’Connell could love someone like me. I’m an even bigger idiot for falling hard for someone who’s completely off-limits.
I don’t know how I do it, but I don’t allow my tears to fall. I’m not Violet Isla right now; I’m Mariposa, and no one will take that away from me. A job needs to get done.
The helicopter rises, and I’m hit with a wave of nausea as it ascends higher into the sky. Intel informed us that the area we’re landing in should be clear of insurgents, and we’ll need to hike around ten miles to ambush The Surgeon.
The entire time, I stay quiet while everyone talks about their families, whispers about their wives and children, and brags about what they’re doing back home, while the only family I have left is falling apart. I take the blue mini-bear from my pocket to distract myself from the pain. The same one my grandmothershipped when I was in the course. I run my fingers over the fur, and my heart twists into pain when Kade’s words echo cruelly.
“Did you think we would mimic your grandmother’s love story? A girl falls in love with a Green Beret who’s older than her?”
I close my eyes and try to control my heartache. Eventually, I fall asleep, battling the hurtful things he said. He can’t drag me out of the darkness and throw me back in because he thinks our relationship is damned to hell.
I’m in love with him.
