Page 9 of Mariposa
“How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing my girlfriend is showering with other men, practically sleeping with them, too?” he says as the vein in his forehead bulges, eyeing me skeptically.
“My God, is that it? You think I’m going to cheat on you?” My face twists into repulsion. “I’ve never,ever,given you any reason not to trust me.” I raise my voice slightly, keeping a stern pitch.
“It doesn’t matter, Violet. I don’t want to be with someone serving in the military.” He strides backward, already mentally checked out of our conversation.
I scoff.
“You promised to be supportive…” I point out all of our past conversations. “I promise to wait for you. I promise to call you every weekend. I promise you…forever?” I recite his own words back to him.
“Promises get broken,” he tells me unremorsefully as he tucks the engagement ring back into his pocket. I gulp and fidget like he slapped me.
I don’t know him anymore.
“We’ve been growing apart anyway. You’re never home already.”
The way he says it…it’s like he’s already given up a long time ago.
When did he check out?
We hold each other’s gazes.
I’m lost, and he’s unwavering in his decision.
My support system is…gone. The two people who said I could lean on for everything—gone in the blink of an eye. They’re leaving me behind over my decision to honor my father. I look up at him, waiting for him to take it all back, but his lips are thin and unwavering. He stands his ground, firm in his decision. Well, so am I.
I won’t let him guilt me into staying with him. Even if he did, I wouldn’t have a choice. I have an obligation to the Army now.
“So that’s it? Is this your way of ending things? Right before I get on a plane?”
“No…maybe? I don’t know.” He continues to walk away with a dead stare into my shattered spirit.
Suddenly, there’s a shift in him. He comes back, closing the distance, but I cross my arms, creating a barrier between us.
“Listen to your mother. Stay here, be my wife. You don’t have to go to school. Marry me, have my kids, and?—”
He’s using my mother’s argument against me?!
“No,” my voice deepens. “Goodbye, Adam. I won’t let you take these pieces of me. No one will.” I turn around, give him my back, and confidently strut away.
“I don’t think it’s goodbye, babe. I’ll surely see you back here in about a week, one month at the latest. You’re going to fail,and someone will have to be there for you to pick up the broken pieces you forced yourself to go through!” he calls over to me from behind. People around us with checked bags stop and stare at his bewildered bleating.
Picking up my pace as I walk through a crowd going toward TSA, I continue to ignore him.
I hand my ticket and ID over to security. She scans it in a robotic routine and directs me to follow the line.
Taking off my jacket and electronics, I hold back my frustration. I snort as I replay his horrible attempt to propose. It’s like he wanted to see me on my knees, begging him not to make me choose between my goals and our relationship.
I will never beg for any man. If Adam and my mother don’t believe in me…
I swallow the rock in my throat as the two people I thought I could depend on echo into my mind. Grabbing my things and placing my backpack on my shoulders, I get closer to my gate with its North Carolina destination.
I’m stronger than this.
I sit down in a seat between a man and a woman holding the same camouflage army-issued backpack. I grab my headphones from my bag, place them on the top of my head, and unlock my phone. Lana Del Rey plays as I close my eyes and block out my surroundings.
My trust issues have forced me to depend only on my mother and Adam. I don’t trust people easily, as they always disappoint me. The betrayal they inflict on my heart has turned my spirit into stone. Isolation doesn’t always have to be lonely—it’s a shield that protects me at this point.
I don’t attach easily, but Adam let me in when we were teenagers after repeatedly working to break into my steel shell.
