Page 98 of Mariposa
“So, the answer to your question…how do I get used to losing my soldiers?I don’t.”
His shoulders sway like he’s trying to control his demons. He looks away from me and instead gazes at his desk. He palms the wood, taking in slow, deep breaths. He shuts his eyes like he’sashamed of himself and doesn’t want me to know he’s hurting, like it’s an illegal thing to show that war gets to him.
Tonight is the first night I’ve ever heard him show emotion that wasn’t sex. I see it now. He cares deeply about everyone around him, and the responsibility of our lives weighs heavily on his shoulders. I can’t imagine being in that position for almost twenty years and not having anyone to talk to about it with. Has he ever?
I walk over to him, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip.
“You’re not a villain. You’re Kade O’Connell. You’re more than a special operator. You’re a father. You’re a friend, a brother.”
“When everyone calls you a villain, soldiers look at you with fear in their eyes.” He shakes his head. “For God’s sake, my call sign is Beast,” he scoffs with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’ve actually started to believe it.”
He clenches his jaw, and I watch the vein in his neck make its presence known.
“Don’t…” I breathe softly. “And that’s not fear that soldiers hold for you. It’s respect. You are everything I just said, and most importantly, you’re a flawed human—you’re not a perfect person. We aren’t meant to be. You’re a man.” I grab his face, forcing him to look at me this time. “You’re a man I admire deeply.”
He stiffens, but then I watch his pupils expand, and the flecks in his heterochromatic eyes glimmer with dark lust. In a split second, he picks me up and slams my ass on his desk. His lips crash into mine, and I don’t hesitate to match his movements.
“Kade,” I moan into his mouth. His beard pricks my lips and neck as he bites, sucks, and marks me with his teeth. “Fuck my worries away until I forget where we are.”
I don’t want to think about my best friend possibly dying. I’d rather lose myself in the only person who makes me feel safe andprotected…like nothing and no one can hurt me as long as he’s touching me.
He pulls away as soon as those words leave my mouth. Breathless, needy, and wet, I wish I could say it didn’t bother me that he retreated so fast.
He sighs, looking at me up and down as another lightning strike pummels the air nearby.
“No. Not like this, not after…” He runs his hand over his face. I know it’s killing him to deny me, but I’m more than understanding. He huffs, playing with a skull ring on his middle finger, twisting it in anxious circles.
“You need time to process your first encounter with death. I have a meeting with General Hallows right now. It will be a long night…” His serious gaze floats away from my needy one. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay before I left.”
And with that, he leaves me alone in his office with my thoughts.
37
KADE
I’m watching and researching The Surgeon. Ella Winters, a Navy Officer in intelligence, granted me access to the evidence we have on him—a war criminal, leader, extremist, murderer. I sound like a broken record, but it’s important to remind myself of the facts. It keeps us all fired up to stop him.
He recorded himself beheading and torturing several captured Special Operators. I sit in my office, pushing the glasses up the bridge of my nose and drinking…watching. General Miller encouraged me to do more intensive research. Hours of meetings after meetings and training, and I’m not even close to tired—it only fuels the drive. I can’t get enough of working. It’s what I breathe, the reason for the blood in my veins, and the reason why I’m so sharp, motivated to keep and represent the military’s finest trained operators.
Winters hovers behind me, and I quickly glance over her. She leans on my cabinets, her hands behind her back, dressed head to toe in uniform. Her intense gaze zeroes in on the screen before me, clearly as angry as I am that we haven’t caught this evil target. Her throat rolls as her hands ball into fists.
My eyes return to Daegan Hannibal, Operator Creature—the best sniper in the military with a pristine, polished record of never missing a shot. The six-foot-six Navy SEAL is one of the most lethal assets in special operations, known for his reputation for silence and dark humor.
He’s on the laptop screen, captured…before the scars and the permanent mask he likes to wear. I watch him being tortured for the next few minutes. He’s tied up to a pole naked, on the floor, with bruises and blood all over his body. The eye where he’s rumored to be blind is completely shut and heavily swollen. He’s getting stabbed over and over again all over his body by The Surgeon, and still, he doesn’t scream. I don’t know how he managed to go through all of that and keep his reputation for being silent. Nausea creeps into my senses as I watch this man being mutilated. His dark black hair is wet, but it’s not from sweat. It’s from being waterboarded so many times. After the first three slashes down the one side of his face, the surgeon gives him the most prominent one—the one over his brow and into his shut eye. Blood fills the white of his other ice-grey eye.
The laptop closes shut, ending the video before I can see the rest, but quite frankly, I think I’ve seen enough. Winters drags the laptop off my desk until it’s tucked beneath her arm. She holds it tight and clears her throat.
“Now you know.” Her voice lowers to an edge. “Now you know why you’re after him.”
Giving her a swift nod, I grind my teeth until it hurts.
I brokeinto her room again to watch her sleep.
I can’t help it. She has me wrapped around her finger, and I can’t seem to stay away. It took every single ounce of willpowerI had in me to push her away the night of her first mission. It didn’t feel right, and when we fuck, I want all of her mind, body, and soul…all of her attention. I crave her with insatiable desire.
Her plain black blankets are curled up to her chin. She sleeps so beautifully. I want to wake her up with my cock but refrain.
Would she be into that?
