Page 99 of Mariposa
So far, she’s matched my dark desires so perfectly that the lines that divide us are so seamless, I feel like we’re connected divinely. She welcomes every single part of me—the parts I was told were worthless.I thought I was worthless. As confident as I am with my job and everything else that makes me, me, when it comes to opening up, I shut myself down. She makes me feel like maybe that part of tying myself to another soul is an option for me again.
Violet starts to whimper.
“Dad, help me!”
“Dad, I’m sorry! You didn’t have to jump in after me.”
“I’m sorry!”
My brows pinch together, and the urge to wake her gets stronger the more she talks in her sleep. I can’t fucking see her like this; it’s too painful to watch her suffer. I stalk over to her, prepared to rip off her blankets and throw her into my arms, but when I reach her bedside, I’m stopped.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I silence it before she sees that I broke into her room again.
It’s another meeting.
She stirs around, flipping onto her side until she’s facing the blinded window.
I rush out of the room stealthily, silently. Closing the door behind me, I raise my phone to my ear.
38
VIOLET
Dear Graham,
I visited your aunt the other day and introduced myself. I miss you so much that I thought I’d see you on your birthday. You told me I made the best flan you’d ever had, so I baked it and wrapped it up. I was so nervous. I messed up three times before deciding to take it like that and trust myself. She was surprised to see me show up at her house uninvited, but in a good way. She told me her nephew doesn’t stop talking about me in the letters he writes home to her. It made me laugh. Don’t worry; she only said good things about you. She told me you grew up in Texas on a ranch with over a thousand acres when your father was still alive, that you loved to ride horses and help your dad take care of the animals and land since you learned how to walk. Eventually, she took out a photoalbum of you and your siblings growing up from birth to adulthood and showed me all the photos. We finished the flan as I told her how we met. The way you demanded my attention just by breathing when you walked into the diner that night, and I was your waitress. We talked for hours, laughing and getting to know one another, and it eventually ended way past dinner hours as we danced the night away. Thank God Jerry was working that night, and he let me close. Every time “We Belong Together” comes on in the diner, I stop whatever I’m doing and smile. I left around noon and cried at home because I couldn’t help but wish you were here to celebrate your birthday with us. However, the first thing I noticed when I pulled into your neighborhood were the yellow ribbons tied into bows all over your aunt’s porch and the houses next to hers. They were everywhere. Before I left, I asked her about them. She said the yellow ribbon symbolizes support for military members overseas. So, I place yellow ribbons on the windows every day now. I also have one glued to my window. I don’t care if my family and friends don’t want us to be together. I love you, and I’ll wait forever if I have to.
With love, Grace
So, I went against my grandmother’s wishes and read another letter without her. Waiting on Graham, a green beret she loved, must have been hard. It doesn’t make sense why she chose my grandpa over him. She clearly loved him so much. She wrote him daily for months.
After I read it, I texted my grandma to check on her. Grandpa says she’s still in the same condition, with more bad days than good, but she asks for me now and then. He tells her I’m busy in North Carolina, so she doesn’t get triggered by my deployment.
Booker and I started spending more time together after the operation. With Castle gone, I wanted to keep myself busy. I’m not doing myself, or anyone else, any favors by worrying or staying still. I’m eager to get back into the fight. There isn’t much to do here but prepare for the mission as we await our next orders. I haven’t seen Kade in almost two weeks, not since the night in his office. He’s been overly occupied with meetings and paperwork with special operators and generals.
We’re on the same army post, and I miss him. But I understand why he’s avoiding me, whether intentionally or not. He’s been giving me space to process my first interaction with war instead of burying my worries away.
I want to check on Anna, but I’m waiting to hear from the higher-ups before I message her or call the hospital she’s in. The last I heard, she was in Germany, having surgery after surgery, and still in critical condition. She sustained more injuries than losing her legs. It isn’t fair that this happened to her, but I can’t help the other intrusive thoughts: it could have been me losing my legs. If Kade hadn’t interfered, I could’ve been one of the fallen or sustained an injury like Anna’s.
Standing outside the building I’m occupying, I read my thriller book on my cellphone. Booker texted that he was going out for a smoke, asking me to join him outside the building where he’s staying. My heart flipped because I’d hoped to seeKade’s name instead. The longer he stays away from me, the more I wonder if he’s trying to tell me we’re done with silence.
“Why do you read so much?” Booker breaks the silence.
“Ehh, sometimes getting lost in a book is better than getting lost in reality.” I shrug, turning a page with a swipe of my thumb.
“Everyone is growing desperate with each passing day to find the man responsible for all of these senseless tragedies.” Booker sighs, flicking his cigarette and making sparks fall to the ground.
“I know. Master Sergeant is never around anymore.”
He stiffens momentarily.
“What?” I turn around with a yawn, placing my fingers around my watch. It’s nearing midnight, and I’m dying to get back into bed for the night. We can get called in at any moment; I want to be well-rested before we get the heads-up from Intel.
“Nothing.”
Leaning forward, I poke his side.
“What’s on your mind? Spit it out.”
