Page 57 of Fractured
The big desk made of metal and glass, at the legs of which healwayssat. WhereIsat to read and eat most times, too.
The desk.
I jumped to my feet so fast vertigo hit me, but I wasalready pushing back the armchair I’d dragged to it days ago. It really was an absolutely beautiful piece of art, the entire thing. It was mostly made of silver-colored metal, engraved on every inch, and the top of it was thick glass, below which a landscape was carved—a landscape that I thought might have been the Frozen Court a long time ago. Same rivers and same hills and same mountains I could see outside the windows, without the buildings and man-made changes.Fae-made changes.
“Where? Where is it?” I said, inspecting the edges, the pieces of wood at the sides and the corners, and I moved all around to the back before I realized that Vair had sat near the front left edge and was looking at the table like he couldn’t quite believe it was there.
“Is it there? Is it—” I went to him, pushed him to the side a little, started to inspect the corner, where the tabletop met the leg. It was engraved with these intricate designs—which was why I couldn’t have possibly noticed a straight line going through it even if I’d been stuck in this room for a hundred years, if I didn’t know where to look.
“Oh, my God,” I whispered, touching the edges, running my fingertips along the line of what could only be a drawer. A small, perfectly hidden drawer right there near the corner.
“How do you…” I searched for a handle but there wasn’t one. “How do you open this thing, Vair? Where’s the damn handle?!” I was panicking a little bit, but it was agood kindof panic, one that was mixed in with excitement when you were on the cusp of a discovery that might set you free from a damn building holding you hostage—that kind of panic.
“Magic.”
I stopped moving where I’d sat on the floor underneath the table, searching for a way to open the drawer, butI couldn’t even see it from the thick piece of wood that covered the entire underside.
“Magic?”
Vair looked at me. “Frostfire. The queen’s frostfire is the only thing that could ever open this desk.”
My mouth opened and closed a few times. “Well,fuck,Vair!”
But he said, “I think this is why. I think this is why you have to learn it. I didn’t see it before, but…thisis why.”
I flinched. “Or I could just ask the palace for a hammer and break this desk down to pieces until I get to this drawer.” It sounded so much easier thanlearning magic.
“Don’t be silly, Nilah. It’s magic—it cannot be broken with hammers.”
Double fuck. “But…but…what if it isn’t in there?” I asked. “The gloves were in the closet—what if she left the mirror somewhere else?” I dragged myself from under the table and looked at the room again.
“Maybe,” Vair said—which was no help at all.
So, I said, to the room, “Can I have the Ice Queen’s mirror, pretty please?”
Worth a shot, I figured, but I still knew that nothing was going to happen. The room didn’t magically make a mirror appear in front of me.
“How about this drawer, then? Can you open this drawer for me?” I asked it next, but this time Vair answered.
“It cannot. This desk is made of the queen’s magic, not Verenthia. It is separate from the palace.”
“Of course,” I muttered, sitting on the stairs again, eyes squeezed shut. “Of course, it’s separate—of course.” The one thing that could have potentially gotten me out of here right now, and it was in a drawer I couldn’t fucking open.
“Breathe, Nilah,” Vair said. “This is good news.”
“But it’s not. Not for me.” My hands slid in my hair and I grabbed fistfuls, half my mind made up to just pull until my scalp was on fire, just to feel something else other than this helplessness. This dread. “I’m tired, Vair. I’m tired.” The tears slipped down my cheeks. “I’m tired of this room and this palace, and these secrets. I’m tired of being thrown from one disaster to the other. I’m tired of being away from Rune. I’m tired of missing my family. I’m just so, so,sotired.”
Vair said nothing. My tears continued to fall. I stayed there, seated on that stair for a long time, waiting for something to happen, waiting for anything to make sense.
But nothing ever did unless I made it, until I forced it, until I fucking tried. So, eventually, I got my shit together, wiped my cheeks with the back of my hands and said, “Let’s get started.”
seventeen
The music comingfrom the box while the moon and the stars and the sun took turns to rise behind the castle filled my head. It wasn’t as haunting as I’d thought last night, or maybe my ears had gotten used to it.
I tried for hours. I ate when I was close to passing out, and then I tried again and again, did as Vair said, even put on the gloves when he suggested.
They did help. The music helped, too. I wasn’t as agitated as I had been the day before. My mind was forced to calm down, to follow the melody, each and every note, and the gloves against my skin were almost like someone was holding my hand or something. Weird, I know, but that’s what it felt like.
