Page 68 of Fractured
It was very straightforward,not going to lie. I wasn’t going to sugarcoat this for myself at all. “You’re dumb as a rock, Nilah. Really,reallydumb,” I told myself for the fifth time in a row.
And I expected Vair to say, “Don’t speak like that about yourself,” again, like he had done the first four times, but he was already tired of my bullshit, it seemed, because this time he only gave me a look, then continued down the stairs.
I held on tighter to the navy-colored cloak I’d gotten from the queen’s closet. It had a big hood that covered my head completely, and it was also thick enough to keep me warm. Vair insisted that I’d need it, both for heat and to keep me concealed, and I didn’t really argue. I put it on, together with the most comfortable leather shoes in the closet, and I was running for those stairs like my tail was on fire, terrified that the palace might change its mind somehow and make them disappear.
So far so good, though. The stairs were still there, andno wall had popped up in front of us, though we’d been descending for a little while. Five floors, maybe more?
“I’m just saying, I should have seen it sooner,” I muttered when Vairreallydidn’t say anything. “It was obvious. It wasmeall along—Jesus Christ, Vair, I look exactly like her. I saw it. I saw her face, and I still couldn’t figure it out.”
“You could—you simply weren’t ready,” the lynx said. “That was what the palace was trying to do. Make you ready for whatever it is you will find out there.”
I thought about it for a moment. “Well, look who finally seems to have answers.”
But Vair wasn’t bothered. “I don’t think I was ready, either.” Which all made good sense, but…
“I though the palace wastestingme.”
“It was.”
“But you just said that the point?—”
“I know what I said, Nilah, and I will use your voice to say it again—the Ice Palace is as old as Verenthia. It both needed to understand you and to prepare you to understanditwhen the time was right. To understand the truth.”
I sighed. “Well, if the Ice Palace were a person, I would kick him in the balls for this, anyway.”
“I wouldn’t advise it,” Vair said.
“Wait, does that mean—” But, of course, he didn’t let me finish.
“The palace let you out, Nilah, but you still have a long journey ahead of you. This is not the end—merely the beginning, I think.”
“I know that. My journey is across the continent and to the Neutral Lands. To the Aetherway—with Rune.” And I was going to get there as fast as I possibly could.
Vair stopped walking.
The stairway wassort ofspiral, though not exactly, and it had no railings, just thick stone walls dotted with lanterns on both sides. I had no idea how many floors we’d descended, but we could finally see the door. Just the edge of it from here, beyond the curve of the wall, but it was there.
There was a door—the palace hadn’t just tricked me. There was a door, and it would lead us outside.
But again, Vair had stopped walking and he was looking up at me in a way that mademestop walking, too.
“The door is right there,” I told him, pointing ahead.
“You think leaving Verenthia behind is the right choice for you, Nilah?”
“It is. I have to get back home. My family?—”
“Withoutknowing who you really are?”
I paused for a second. “I know who I really am.”
“Liar,” he whispered before I’d even finished speaking. “You told me you were a mortal, but you’re not. The Ice Queen of the Frozen Court cheated her end throughyou.You look like her. You wield the same magic as she did. Her mirror shows you your reflection—do you really want to tell me again that you know who you are? Do you really want to tellyourselfthat?”
Fuck me sideways.
I was going to. The words were right there at the tip of my tongue—I know who I am, damn it!
Except that wasn’t really true, was it? I hadn’t in a long time. And, sure, I’d ran from the fact that I looked like a dead queen and I could do magic that I shouldn’t have been able to do, and then a sentient palace played games with me until it made me figure out what the hell had happenedto its queen—but that’s just it, Ididn’tknow. I still had no clue what had really happened, andhowthe queen did what she did, andwhy.
