Page 79 of Dukes Do It Better
The soft clink of the tray on the side table caught Lily’s attention. Emma wagged a finger toward her fuzzy muzzle. “One biscuit. Only one. The biscuits are for the humans.”
Lily turned to look at Mal, who shrugged his big shoulders. “Sorry, little one. When she uses the mother voice, she means it.”
The goat took the biscuit, then hopped down with it in her mouth and skittered out of the room.
Without the cute distraction, Emma glanced at Mal and didn’t have any words.
“Coffee?” she asked. Maybe her Saint Albans training would be useful after all, and she could stick to surface niceties.
“Please.”
Emma poured and placed a biscuit on a plate, then handed it over. Several minutes later, the cup she poured for herself sat untouched, cooling as the swirls of steam rising off the surface dissipated.
“These are delicious. I see why they’re Alton’s favorite.”
Without a word, Emma handed him the plate of gingery sweets and let him help himself.
“What part of my speech back in the cave is causing this strange silent version of you?” Mal asked.
Emma’s gaze shot to him and she opened her mouth to answer, then shut it and sighed. “An hour ago, I thought you were ruining my life, and I was determined to hate you. Now you’ve proposed marriage and told me you love me. That is a drastic change. On top of that, I’ve recently made a decision to live differently than my father did, and you’ve come back into my life just in time to test me.”
He settled back against the sofa and picked up another biscuit. “What was your father like?”
A simple question without an easy answer. “He loved me in his way, I suppose. But he never loved anyone as much as himself. Father liked money and women—especially if they belonged to someone else. I have half siblings scattered all over. In fact, I remember my mother saying I shouldn’t marry a man with blond hair and dark eyes, lest he possibly be my brother.”
“Damn. That’s not the normal maternal advice given to young ladies, I imagine.”
“In the last few years, Father finally turned over the family finances to Cal. Not happily, but after nearly bankrupting the estate, Cal convinced him. I’d like to think he’d learned his lesson and been a better man at the end, but the truth is, Father had an accident while climbing out a married woman’s window. They found him in the garden the next morning, half dressed.”
“And you’re scared you’ll end up like him? I promise to never make you leave my bed via a window.”
That made her smile, but the heaviness settling on her as she spoke of her sire stunted it. “Father lied. All the time. Where he was, who he was with, how many cups of tea he’d had with breakfast. He lied about everything. It was as if he’d been born without a conscience. Mother was no better. They were quite a pair.”
“Did you lie about your feelings for me?”
Emma grasped her cup of coffee and turned the cup on its saucer, making the dark liquid slosh. “The last time, at your house, I lied when I left. I already knew it was over, but said otherwise. Every other time, I withheld information. I didn’t share much of myself with you—not really.”
“I figured out that bit.”
A curl fell over her eye, but before she could push it away, Mal tucked it behind her ear, dragging his rough fingertips over her cheek.
“If I did or said anything to make you think you weren’t safe to be honest with me, I’m sorry,” he said.
“I’m sorry too. When I found my journal, I should have confronted you right then.”
Mal shook his head. “I may wish you’d railed at me and given us a chance to sort this out, but I understand why you ran. Between the journal and the blackmail note, it was pretty damning.”
It had been. She’d run scared, and for good reason. Sitting across from him now, when he was being so vulnerable with his emotions, Emma wanted to run again. The initial urge was to scamper away until she had fully examined every nook and cranny of her heart and reinforced the walls she’d hidden behind for so many years. Which meant the right thing to do in this instance was to meet vulnerability with vulnerability. Be honest and open about her feelings.
She wished it wasn’t so scary, but Emma took a sip of her tepid coffee and gathered her pieces of truth to share, offered up like sweet biscuits. “I tried to buy this house because I wasn’t at ease in the ton anymore. I wanted to have someplace to retreat to. Society welcomed me when I debuted, despite my parents’ scandalous activities. Cal cleared the way for me, making things as easy as possible. And I still made the wrong choices.”
“Were they truly the wrong choices when they gave you Alton?” he asked in a low voice.
Her gaze flew to his.
“Roxbury is partly to blame as well, love. In the end, you have the most astoundingly loving little boy. You can’t tell me Alton is a mistake.”
Throat tight, Emma nodded. “You’re right. He’s not a mistake. Roxbury is a rotter, and he didn’t do right by me. But I can’t regret my son. Alton is only one part of my life though. I’ve done things, said things.”
