Page 76 of Possessed By You
Words won’t change that. My touch seems to do the trick.
He holds me there long enough that the phone stops ringing. We share a look, a moment of calm, and then my hand slips from his face so we can carry on.
***
“Please buckle up. We will be beginning our descent in a few moments,” the flight attendant whispers to us. First Class is dark and quiet, considering it’s the middle of the night. Dimitri is seated opposite us in an aisle seat, wide awake. A book rests in his lap, but he’s not reading.
In order to save Benjamin the movement which could impact his wound, I buckle him in and then do mine. We’d been sharing headphones, listening to classical music, which calmed him over the course of the seven-hour flight. The unhinged man who boarded the plane with me is gone, tucked away so his bitterness won’t eat him alive.
As his wife, I have the option to try and take his mind off of the stress or have him confront the feelings. I feel I’d be failing him if I allowed him to bury the pain. I don’t want to be a person he fronts for. He has enough of those.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
His shutdown is clear and telling. Well, that’s that. With an understanding nod, I turn my gaze to the window, to the endless night. No stars are visible, the sky shrouded with heavy clouds.
“Do you think I’m being cruel?” he asks.
“To her?”
His features, dimmed under the light overhead, only show interest, curiosity to hear my thoughts.
“I’m biased.”
“Still. I want to know.”
“No, I don’t think you’re being cruel. Benjamin, ever since I met you, the only time your mother has called has been to ask for something. The only time I saw your father, he had zero faith in the man you know you are…which is a good man. A great man.”
His eyes slant disbelievingly. “You’re right. Youarebiased.”
“I told you.” I shrug. “I’m right, though.”
“I’m tired of never being enough for her, for them. I could own the world and it still wouldn’t make her love me.”
His openness is dauntingly transparent, an unheard of action for the infamously collected Benjamin Scott. I don’t want it to stop, and keeping an open ear seems like the best option for that.
“I never got to explore. I knew from a young age how important money was in our world. It infuriates me that they programmed me to be like them, to repel anything resembling human affection. I’m nearly thirty, and I only just learned to want more, with much difficulty and with way too much resistance. I don’t blame it all on them, but…”
“I think we are who raises us.”
“You’re a far cry from the man who raised you.”
“He didn’t raise me. Without my parents, I raised myself.”
“I can’t imagine how badly you wish it could have been different.”
“I wish they were here, yeah. I wish I hadn’t been given to him, of course…but I wouldn’t beherewithout all the rest of it. In New York, let alone with you.”
He laces his fingers with mine. “You put up with a lot from me.”
“Ben, I wouldn’t have you be any other way. On the outside, you may resemble them, work like them. On the inside, you are so far from that. You have to know that.”
“I do now. The man they raised couldn’t love you like I do. It’s stronger than anything I’ve ever known.”
***
No sleep on the plane means an entire day is required in bed to recuperate, an unfortunate side-effect of flying—jetlag. The day is gone when we rise to an untouched hotel room, our bags still parked at the door where we left them.
