Page 30 of Cara
Her green eyes are on me.
All of their eyes are on me.
Caesar is out getting coffee when Rosa makes the first move to speak. We’ve both been silently watching Isabella sleep, neither of us knowing what to say.
“She wants you in her life, Xavier.”
“It’s dangerous.”
“Well, make it less dangerous. That’s your specialty. Look at how you organized all of this.”
I made up my mind about her years ago. For Isabella’s safety, I keep my distance. At my lack of an answer, Rosa releases an exasperated sigh. “Sometimes, I really regret telling her who you are. It would be easier for her if she thought Caesar was her father.”
I nod, understanding her. Doesn’t mean it feels good to hear.
“She’s only seen you a handful of times and loves you. I’m with her every day, following her, making sure she eats enough, plays enough, and she still asks for you. In her small vocabulary, most of her words pertain to her father, who’s never around. I don’t understand it.”
“Neither do I.”
Rosa’s painted lips form a thoughtful line. “You have this allure about you. Always have. It draws everyone in. I suppose that’s useful for someone of your standing.”
“If I could be someone else, Rosa, I would.”
It shocks her to hear that. It shows more than ever that she doesn’t know much about me aside from what I showed her in our brief time together. “Sophia wanted that, didn’t she? She wanted something different?”
“I don’t want to talk about her.”
“You loved her.”
My eyes close, frustrated she’d ask a question she already knows the answer to. “Yes.”
“Is she really gone?”
“Rosa.”
“You deserve some happiness. I know this isn’t what you wanted. I know you wanted to have children with her—” Her words disappear as I stand. She holds my gaze. “This baby is made of us. I know you love Bella. It’s plain on your face. You can’t hide it. You wouldn’t have gone through a blizzard to get her here if you didn’t love her.”
I want to tell her so much, that those I love get hurt.
I can’t protect anyone. I failed once already. As much as I try to distance myself from them, they won’t go.
Bo. Dante. Zeke. Courtney. Isabella.
I couldn’t handle losing someone else.
The fear plagues me daily.
My eyes linger on Isabella’s face, hearing soft wheezing whispering past her pale lips. I feel the exact moment I give up, dropping into the chair. I claim Isabella’s hand and bring it to my cheek while her mother watches me from across the bed. “I want to be in her life, Rosa.”
Her smile softens as Caesar enters the room, balancing a tray of cups. “We’ll make it work.”
Sophie/Cara
“Sonya tells me this is your first time here.”
A fist strikes the hanging bag beside me, a jarring sound that reverberates through the gym. The owner’s grin hints he noticed my flinch. Around me, young and old alike are drenched in sweat, lost in their own worlds. I stand among them, swallowed by oversized clothes, starkly out of place.
Time’s stretched on slowly. Often, I forget what days I'm living. That’s what happens when you close yourself off to the world. My arms are frail. Any mass I built when Xavier taught me to defend myself disappeared a long time ago.
