Page 45 of She Used to Be Nice
“I hope you know nothing’s going on here.” She pointed back and forth between them. “You booty called me last night, and I responded to your booty call. That’s all that happened.”
Pete tipped his head to the side. “Booty call? What are you talking about?”
“You texted me at 11:00.” Avery pulled her knotted hair into a loose bun on top of her head. She remained standing by the closet, away from Pete. “That, by definition, is a booty call.”
“What is this, a nineties issue ofCosmo?” Pete asked through a burst of contemptuous laughter. “What makes 11:00, by definition, a booty call?”
Avery pressed two fingers onto the bridge of her nose. He wasn’t getting it. “I don’t want to date you, Pete.”
Pete stared at the foot of the bed. Outside, the M-31 bus made a low buzzing sound and then drove away, belching an exhaust pipe into the street.
“Well, I mean, we don’t need to be in a relationship or anything. Not right away.” He hesitated. “But in the future, maybe. After we get to know each other.”
After we get to know each other.The words rang loud between Avery’s ears, over and over like a cast iron bell.
“I can’t do that,” she said.
“Why?”
Avery shook her head without responding. Pete could never get to know her. He would hate everything he found, everything that happened to turn her into this broken, unlovable person. She was so ashamed of what she’d done, of what Noah did to her. Of who she’d become as a result.
“Why?” he asked again, more urgently.
Avery stared out the window as tears welled on her lower lash line. She couldn’t look at him. Her glassy eyes would betray her, would reveal the pain she kept buried deep inside, where nobody could find it. Where not even she could find it if she had it her way, if it didn’t sneak up on her all the time without warning.
She swiped angrily at her eyes, removing the evidence. “I … I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just can’t.”
Pete removed himself from under the covers. He sat down on the edge of the bed and slipped on his shoes, and all Avery wanted to do was pull him toward her and plead with him to stay. Instead, she stared at a dust bunny gliding on top of her dresser, and watched him leave.
14
WHEN THE DOOR SLAMMEDshut, all the tears Avery had been waiting to cry spilled out, like a thunderstorm breaking humidity. She spent the next hour curled up in a fetal position in her bed, alternating between shaking with sobs and staring numbly at her wall. All Pete had done was try to show her that he cared about her, and all she did was push him away. But she didn’t know how to let him in the way he wanted to be let in. She would always keep a part of her past hidden, which would prevent him from truly knowing her. But if they started dating, eventually he’d find out about the infidelity. Eventually they’d talk about their exes, or one of her friends would slip something to him during a group hangout or—God forbid—at the wedding, or she’d just blurt it out herself out of guilt for lying to him. And what guy wouldn’t immediately distrust someone with a history of cheating? What an awful start to a relationship. She wouldn’t even be able to tell him what really happened either. He’d be judging her for something she didn’t fully do.
She was about to drift off to sleep when her phone rang with a FaceTime from Morgan. She bolted upright and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes before answering the call. On her screen, Morgan’s face was covered in the sticky remnants of different kinds of candy. A lollipop shaped like a strawberry was stuck to her cheek, the white dust of Sour Patch Kids made her lips sparkle, andmelted streaks of what looked like red, blue, and green Skittles painted her forehead. Avery erupted in a fit of laughter.
“Morgan,whatis going on?”
Morgan darted her eyes left and right, her mouth open in shock. “I literally woke up exactly like this.”
Avery laughed so hard she couldn’t catch her breath, thankful for Morgan’s sweet tooth for making her feel better. During their junior year, after Morgan came home tipsy from the bar, she tried to bake an entire chocolate cake from scratch in the kitchen. Avery nearly peed herself watching Morgan spill milk everywhere.
Morgan pulled the lollipop off her cheek, wincing as it tugged at her skin. “I guess I decided I needed a snack last night and went to the bodega.” Then she wiped the Skittle smears from her forehead.
“You are a disgusting person.” Avery wiped tears of joy from her eyes. “Disgusting.”
“I don’t even remember eating them!” Morgan cried.
“Clearly youdidn’teat any of them!”
A male voice mumbled something next to Morgan. Morgan turned the camera toward Charlie, whose face was swollen with sleep.
“Charlie, did you know your soon-to-be wife had a threesome with candy last night?” Avery asked.
“What?” Charlie sat up quickly, grabbing the blankets and clutching them dramatically. “Youcheatedon me?”
Morgan giggled. “I’m sorry, they were so juicy and delicious!”
“And I’mnot?”
