Page 68 of She Used to Be Nice
Avery stormed up the stairs while Pete trailed behind. She was unable to speak to him but also unable to tell him to stop following her. She was ignoring him for his own sake, so that he’d go find someone who wasn’t as complicated, because that would undoubtedly make him happier. But he kept following her, up the five treacherous flights of stairs to her apartment.
She briefly met his eye as she opened her door. Christ. If he wanted to risk being the target of another one of her outbursts, fine. He knew what she was about, and this was his decision as an adult man to move forward with her anyway.
She put her work tote down on the floor in her apartment and headed to the kitchen, where she took out a bottle of wine and two glasses. She poured some wine into each glass, theglug glug glugamplified in their silence. Then she slid a glass across the counter toward Pete. It was a small consolation, but she didn’t know where else to start.
Pete took a sip while staring at her over the rim. Avery stared right back. There was no way Avery was speaking first. He wanted this, so he was going to speak.
“What happened the other day?” he asked.
Avery heaved a frustrated sigh. She tried to keep him away, and now she’d have to lie to him. He asked for this. “It was nothing. I was in pain, and I asked you to stop, and you didn’t hear me. That’s it.”
“But you puked after. And screamed at me to leave.”
Avery lifted her hands in the air in a dramatic shrug. “It was a lot of pain.”
Pete made a concerned face. “That much?”
“Iguess.” Avery sat down at the kitchen table and looked straight ahead, sipping her wine. She could feel Pete staring at her,waiting for more. “It’s—it’s normal for sex to hurt from behind, okay? You get deep in there.”
Pete sat down beside her, his eyes soft. “Well, are you still in pain? Were you bleeding?”
“No, I’m fine,” she said quickly. “Everything’s fine.”
“Are you sure? If the pain was that bad, maybe there’s something else goi—”
“No.” Avery put her hand up to stop him. “I feel a lot better now. This has happened before.” Avery’s back pricked with sweat.
Pete chuckled nervously. “Well I obviously don’t want to hear about that.”
She whipped her head to glare at him. Absolutely nothing about this was funny. “What? Are you referring to me sleeping with other guys? You know you’re not the only guy I’ve fucked, right?”
“Jesus, Avery.” Pete massaged his temples. “I know that. I was teasing.”
Avery twisted the stem of her wine glass between her fingers. She was such an asshole. And yet, he still wanted her. He still wanted this asshole. She didn’t understand it, not even a little, but it made her happy all the same.
“Look, I’m sorry,” Pete said. “I should’ve been paying more attention.”
Avery stared out the window to avoid making eye contact. She felt tears brimming and wiped them away before they fell down her cheeks. Her body was betraying her so much lately, revealing all of her secrets.
“It’s fine,” she said, her voice clipped. “Can we not talk about it anymore? I’m sorry for not answering your texts. Thanks for coming over.”
Pete searched her face. He scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her, keeping his worried gaze locked on hers. “Am I still invited to Colorado?”
Avery sighed into his embrace, then rested her head on his shoulder so she wouldn’t have to look at him. “Yes, you’re still invited to Colorado.”
Pete gave her a gentle squeeze. She could tell there was more he wanted to talk about, more he wanted to ask about what happened. But she was putting a stop to this conversation. And that was that.
Avery sat on a bench across from a brightly lit three-way mirror at Kleinfeld for Morgan’s dress fitting and stared at her phone. She and Pete hadn’t spoken much since their conversation in her kitchen last weekend. Rationally, she knew he sometimes got slammed at work and couldn’t text a lot during the week, but her insecure side figured the tables officially turned, that nowhewas done withher.She even had evidence: Yesterday, he sent her a Snapchat of a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs that he made “from scratch,” according to the caption. Avery responded with, looks so good. you gotta make that for me!He wrote back:Ha I will.And then nothing else. It was driving her crazy. That period? Brutal. That “ha”? So much less easygoing than “haha” or “lol.”
Morgan emerged from behind the changing curtain in her beautiful white gown with a big, openmouthed smile. She looked perfect.
But all Avery could muster was a flat “You look great.”
Morgan grabbed a handful of the fabric on her skirt and flipped it over a few times to examine the shimmer. Then she smoothed down the bodice and sucked in her flat stomach, making her round, perky boobs pop out of the top in a demure-but-sexy kind of way. Avery wasn’t in the mood to do this. She knew Morgan wasn’t genuinely rubbing her beauty and joy in Avery’s face, but that was what it felt like, and she wanted a second to indulge in some self-pity. Was that so much to ask, after everything she’d already put herself through for this wedding?
“I can’t gain apound,” Morgan said urgently. “You need to pryevery slice of pizzaout of my hands.”
She glanced over her shoulder at Avery, whose nose was buried in her phone, refreshing Pete’s text message window and losing hope as no new white bubbles entered the screen.
