Page 77 of Trial of Bronze and Blood
“I’m a praetor and one of the Faithless,” he decides to say. “There’s not much they could do to me that I haven’t already endured.”
“No.” She straightens, fire sparking in her gaze. “You don’t get to do that, Marcus. You don’t get to pretend like you would’ve slept beside just anyone, or… held them all night so they could siphon your life force.”
He glances away, gathering his bearings. Dru is and will always be the only person he’d make that kind of sacrifice for. Stellae, he would’ve let the magic kill him if that’s what it took. The unsaid words stick in his throat, choking him.
Taking a shallow breath, he tells her a modicum of the truth. “I wouldn’t do it for just anyone. There are few people in this world Iwoulddo it for.”
She folds her arms across her chest. “Then why me?”
Why her?He couldn’t begin to choose a reason, much less voice them.
He looks away and laughs sardonically, pressing his fingers into the stubble at his throat. “I can’t do this.”
“Why?” she insists.
Because, no matter how much it pains me, I can’t apologize for the awful things I said last night, or for the lie I told you six years ago. Because I can’t tell you how I feel about you, even as it’s tearing me apart from the inside.
But, once again, he offers her only crumbs: “Because I can’t tell you what you want to hear. Because…”Fuck. “I can’t be selfish—I can’t risk Cato’s life for feelings I tried to purge from myself long ago.”
Her lips part, arms falling to her sides. “Feelings? What feelings?”
Stomach in knots, his pulse thunders in his ears.
The more he’s tried to forget her all these years, the deeper she’s sunk her claws into his every thought. His very soul. Her hold on him is the reason why he brought her here in the first placeand why she’s involved in the trials at all—because he couldn’t forget her no matter how hard he tried or how often he threw himself into his work.
He thought she’d be safer here, away from the Imperium, where he could keep an eye on her. After abandoning her without giving a reason or saying goodbye, it was the least he could do.
But it’s only served to dredge up those feelings he fought tooth and nail to erase from memory. And, after last night, he can’t pretend any longer.
I’m going to regret this.
Taking a step toward her, he reaches for her hand, wrapping his fingers around hers. She looks up at him, her open gaze searching his. His heart pounds inside his chest when she doesn’t pull away.
“Dru, I?—”
The door to his room swings open.
Dru leaps back from him as Sabina hurries inside. His old friends regret and relief gut him at the loss of her in that moment, allowing the exhaustion to creep back in.
The servant pauses in the doorway upon seeing the two of them on the balcony. Her eyes widen, and heat splashes across her cheeks.
“Apologies, Drusilla, Praetor Marcus. I came to wake you, but I see you’re already awake.”
She turns to leave, but Dru steps away from the balcony. From him.
“No apology necessary, Sabina.” He could swear her voice trembles slightly. “Marcus and I were having an early-morning strategy session before the first trial today.”
The first trial.After all that happened, he completely forgot.Stellae, what was I thinking?
He grabs his dagger beside his bed and sheathes it in his belt. “I was just leaving.”
Dru’s attention snaps to him, confusion and hurt warring in her expression.
Sabina narrows her gaze. “It didn’t look like?—”
Marcus doesn’t hear the rest of what Sabina says. He’s already out the door and on his way to find Cato. To remind himself what all of this has been about, and why he can’t allow himself to get close to Dru again.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
