Page 25 of Fear
Fuck, it had maybe been a year since they had played anything. The whole fucking six months, and then before that because Jake hadn’t always brought a deck of cards even when he had been able to get to Freak Camp, and in all that time . . .
Yeah, a guy could forget the rules. But Jake didn’t care about that, he just wanted Tobias to stay relaxed, easy, calm again like he had just a second ago while they were playing stupid old War.
Jake dealt out six cards each—their personal variation—and felt his stomach pitch when Tobias didn’t pick them up, just watched him.
Jake couldn’t meet his eyes. He picked up his cards and turned the top one over. “If you want to play something else, that’s . . . I mean, we could stick with War.”
Tobias took a deep breath and picked up the cards. “J-Jake.”
“Yeah, Tobias?”
“If I . . . If I f-f-forget, will you . . . would you . . .” He fingered one of his cards, as though he wanted to pull it out to play but couldn’t quite get up the courage.
“What, Tobias?” Jake resisted the urge to hold his breath. Please be something I can do.
“If I f-forget the rules, you’ll tell me, right? You won’t let me . . .”
Jake felt relieved, though also unsettled because Tobias’s worry had seemed greater than a handful of stupid card rules—though admittedly, their personal version of Crazy Eights had gotten pretty dizzying. “It ain’t Dungeons and Dragons, Tobias, you might be the one letting me know how things are supposed to go. After all, you’ve got the kickass memory.” He crossed a hand dramatically over his chest. “I promise I’ll let you know if I think you’re changing the rules on me. And I promise not to try to change them if I think you’re kicking my ass.”
Tobias smiled, looking somewhat relieved, and they began.
After Crazy Eights—Jake won and was so smug that Tobias rolled his eyes at him again, with more feeling this time—they played a fast and dirty round of Zsíros and Tobias completely cleaned his clock, and by that time it was about one in the morning and Jake could barely keep his eyes open.
“Shit,” he said, yawning so far he thought his jaw would crack. “I’m beat, Tobias. You tired?”
And there it was, that beautiful smile that Jake might just one day gamble the Eldorado for. “You’re just wimping out because you l-lost.”
Fuck, he was trying so hard. Jake could see that he was struggling, but he was actually succeeding at not falling apart. Jake still didn’t know what the hell was going on in Tobias’s head, but he was fighting it, and clearly had fun tonight. Again, Jake felt a surge of hope. He tried not to let this one sweep him away; his hopes about Tobias had gotten crushed more than once just that evening. But for the first time since he’d gotten Tobias out, their relationship felt exactly as it had when they were kids.
This was the Tobias that Jake had been afraid he would never see again.
Chapter Six
Saturday morning, Jake grew a pair and pulled out the frying pan to cook up scrambled eggs and bacon. He told Tobias to drop a couple slices of bread in the toaster and pour the orange juice, tasks Tobias handled as precisely as ever. Jake let him carry them out without glancing over once, determined not to make him nervous. It was worth it to see the vast relief on Tobias’s face when he set the second glass of orange juice on Jake’s side of the table.
Jake beamed at him. “Thanks, Toby. Could you get me a plate and some of those paper towels?”
This was progress, he reflected. They still hadn’t been together a full week, so of course things were rough sometimes with hard lessons. But step by step he was figuring things out, and this worked. Tobias liked helping—even if he probably wouldn’t admit it if Jake asked—and that was all right, Jake could tell, so it would do for now.
But when they sat down for breakfast, just catching sight of the TV’s dead screen sent a foreboding chill through him, and Jake clenched his jaw to stay focused on the here and now. He glanced toward the window instead, at the bright sunlight and birds they could hear in the nearby trees, along with the traffic on the street.
“So,” he said, and waited as Tobias stopped immediately, lowering his toast to the plate and looking up. “How’d you feel about taking a walk through town? Just you and me, you know.” The reassurance felt dumb. Of course he couldn’t promise the streets would be empty, but he hoped Tobias understood what he meant: Jake would be at his side the whole way.
Tobias looked away, his forehead knit faintly, but he said, “Yes—we could, if that’s—yes, Jake. I’d—l-like to go out.” It didn’t really sound sincere, let alone enthusiastic, but Jake took the effort and determination behind the words at face value and reached across to squeeze Tobias’s hand. Carefully, though they’d taken the bandages off last night and nearly all traces of the scratches were gone.
Tobias looked back, startled enough to meet his eyes, and Jake smiled at him.
“Good. I think you’ll like this town, it’s a pretty rockin’ place. Had to go over it a few times to make sure no one was making backyard sacrifices to a pagan god on the sly, but—” He could’ve bitten his tongue as soon as the words slipped out. Hadn’t he learned not to talk about the supernatural to Tobias, that yeah, it was a pretty sensitive subject? But Tobias didn’t look particularly bothered, just nodded a little uncertainly.
Jake let go of Tobias’s hand, clapped his own together, and cleared his throat. “So, yeah, anyway—cool. As soon as we’re finished, we’ll grab that map in the brochure and head out.”
“I studied it,” Tobias said to his plate.
“Yeah?” Jake paused, not sure how he was supposed to respond. The way Tobias said that was a little off, but after a second or two of trying to parse out a deeper meaning, Jake gave it up. That wasn’t the same as ignoring it. He was sure about that. “Well, that’s cool. Between the two of us, no way we’ll get lost.”
JAKE COULDN’T HAVE asked for a nicer day for Tobias’s first Saturday out of Freak Camp. Though mid-July, Boulder’s elevation in the mountains kept a light breeze moving that took the edge off the warmth. The sun didn’t bake or broil them as it would in Roger’s patch of New Mexico desert, but the rays still bounced off the sidewalk, bright enough to make them squint. Jake made a note to duck into a store and get Tobias a pair of sunglasses at the first opportunity.
The residential street was quiet, aside from the occasional passing car. No one was out—either sleeping in or already busy with weekend activities someplace else, Jake figured. As they neared the end of the block, he pulled the map out of his pocket and shook it open. It was already worn and falling apart at the creases.
