Page 29 of Fear
“C’mon, Toby, lean on me. It’s not far, is it?”
“Not at all.” She turned to lead the way back up the stairs. She scooped up one of the toddlers on her way and said something to her friend before waiting for Tobias and Jake at the top.
Tobias could have been up the stairs—especially if he had been permitted to drop to his hands—in a couple seconds, but it took longer with Jake supporting him. Hurt less too. Tobias swallowed, forced himself to move past the astounding sensation of Jake so close, supporting him, to take advantage of the reals being out of earshot. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Jake snapped. “Falling? Not your fault. I shouldn’t have left, I’m the one who fucked up. Goddammit. Don’t listen to those douchewads, Tobias, they’re just assholes who don’t know anything.”
It took him a few seconds to realize what Jake was talking about. “Better than the t-truth,” he said quietly, and Jake stiffened, stopping them both for a moment, while the woman waited patiently, bouncing her toddler on her hip.
“Well, we’ll have a talk about that when we get home,” he said at last, and Tobias’s skin went clammy and cold, everything swimming before he regained his balance. He wouldn’t panic yet about that. Their first destination was a bagel shop.
“I’m Maryann, by the way,” the woman ahead of them called. “And this little soldier is Thomas.”
“Jake. And this is Tobias.”
“Are you boys new to Boulder? Students?”
“No—well, yeah, we just moved here, but we’re not students. Just . . . looking for a fresh start.”
Maryann’s cheerful tone didn’t waver. “Well, you’ve come to the right place. Boulder’s a good town, not as crazy and crowded as Denver or a lot of other college towns. We do have the occasional fun surprises from the frat boys, but they try to balance it out with volunteer work. And in summer, they’re not too bad on the eyes.” She grinned. “Now, don’t you tell my husband I said that or get any ideas yourself. I’m taken. Whereabouts in town do you live?”
Jake named the cross streets nearest them, and Maryann chatted on about her favorite places around the city—mainly the hiking trails, Boulder Creek, and the Underwater Fish Observatory—as they crossed the street to Moe’s Broadway Bagels. Tobias kept his eyes on the pavement the whole way, but he had to glance up as they reached the door, which opened with a cheery bell chime.
The shop was packed with small round tables, reals crammed around, most of them drinking from paper cups, eating strangely shaped round bread, and talking animatedly. Some glanced their way, but no one so much as hesitated in their conversation.
Maryann headed to the back while they hovered awkwardly by the door. Jake shifted, adjusting his grip under Tobias’s arm, and exhaled as though about to speak, but he didn’t say anything. Tobias bit back the urge to apologize again for ruining their day. Jake didn’t seem to like it when he said sorry, no matter how he’d messed up.
Maryann reappeared a moment later, beckoning them through a swinging door in the back, where a large woman—maybe a couple of inches shorter than Jake, and about twice his width—had already opened up a large first aid kit on the counter.
“Boys, this is my sister, Janet. Janet, Tobias and Jake. Tobias had a tumble down those steps in the park.”
“Those stairs are a death trap.” Janet sighed, popping open a bag of cotton balls. “I just know one day I’m going to see a kid fall and break his head open and then folks are going to come crying to me and I’ll have to bite my tongue on all the I-told-you-sos just so they keep buying the bagels. Go ahead, take a seat.”
Tobias froze at the idea of leaving Jake’s side, not sure if he should obey orders from other reals, but Jake nudged him toward the chair. Tobias dropped into it, feeling his stomach clench and his head start up a steady stream of mostly incoherent panic. But Jake had as good as told him to. He took a bracing breath and held onto the edges of his seat like staying in place now would make up for how much he had fucked up the day.
“Where’d you get hurt, Tobias?” Janet asked.
Tobias darted a look toward Jake, who was watching him with a familiar frown, though there was something else about it that Tobias couldn’t read. That look squeezed his chest hard, like Victor pressing his boot down to hold him in place.
“I think his elbow got pretty beat up,” Maryann said from the doorway, bouncing Thomas gently on her hip. She was watching Tobias too. Jake and two reals focusing on him.
Janet reached for him, taking hold of his wrist with one hand as she began pulling up his shirtsleeve with the other, and he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t try to pull away—he knew what happened when someone resisted—but he made a pathetic, half-choked whimper as he turned his head and body away. No, not in front of Jake, please don’t . . .
“Hey, hey,” Jake said, moving forward quickly. “Let me do that.”
His fingers replaced Janet’s, much gentler and more familiar, and Tobias steadied himself, breathing a little easier. He felt mortified, distantly aware this was not the way he should be behaving and that there would be horrible consequences that he deserved. But for now, at least, he had Jake’s hands back on him, and that alone was reassuring. He would never balk from whatever Jake wanted to do with him.
Janet stepped closer to her sister, and the two women whispered together while Jake turned Tobias’s arm gently to bring his elbow to light. Tobias couldn’t hear what they were saying, but after a moment, Maryann turned back to them. “We’ll give you boys some space to clean up,” she said, still cheerful, and they and the little boy moved out, letting the door swing shut behind them.
Tobias let out his first full exhale, dropping his head to his chest. Jake’s hand was immediately on his cheek, tilting his face back up. “Hey, Tobias. Tobias. No one here’s going to hurt you.”
Tobias swallowed hard, forcing his eyes to stay on Jake’s. “I’m sorry,” he said, unable to help it. “I’m so sorry—”
“Stop that.” Jake’s fingers tightened on his face in emphasis, and Tobias flinched and dropped his gaze. “No, look—you’ve got to stop thinking everything is your fault. You fell. It was an accident. I’m not mad because you got hurt or because you’re still spooked around other people. I just want you to believe that these civilians don’t want to hurt you. They’re trying to help, that’s all. You’ve got to trust them.”
Drawing a shaky breath, Tobias nodded, even though he knew he was falling apart. He couldn’t do what Jake asked. He only barely believed Jake was telling him this because he trusted Jake to tell him the truth.
“Hey.” Jake’s voice got even softer. “You believe me, don’t you?”
