Page 62 of Fear
Shit. Jake had been afraid that Tobias would probably take the rules way too seriously. But at least he was coming to him now instead of something worse happening, especially when Jake wasn’t watching. The rules had to help, even if they took some adjustment. He couldn’t think about what kind of dead end they were at if they didn’t work.
“Yeah,” he said at last. “What about that one?”
Tobias took in another slow breath and shut his eyes for a few seconds, reopening them to speak. “I-I don’t understand. I mean . . . I understand the words, but . . . I don’t know what you m-mean. Wh-who am I supposed to hit? If they hurt me?”
Jake took his time before answering. “I mean anyone, Tobias. When we go out, and if I’m not watching—and I’m going to do my damn best to watch out for any assholes and keep them away from you, but if I—if one of them ever slips through, you defend yourself. I don’t care if it’s some guy who lives down the street, or works in a store, or passing in the park.”
Tobias’s face went a shade whiter, though his eyes never left Jake’s. “You mean r-reals.”
“People. Yeah. Anyone. No one has the right to hurt you, Tobias.”
Tobias flinched back, his control breaking. He squeezed his eyes shut, shook his head rapidly, then covered his face with his hands. Jake reached for him but stopped himself. He swallowed hard at how raggedly Tobias was breathing.
“I mean it,” Jake said, more forcefully. “No one. That means civilians, monsters, or hunters.” He thought about the bastards he’d met hunting, the guards laughing at jokes he’d barely understood as a child but made his blood burn now. “Especially hunters.”
At that, Tobias keened, a sound of abject shock, horror, and despair, and Jake moved in close to touch his back. “Hey, hey, I know. They—they hurt you. I’m not gonna let them anywhere near you, but if they ever touch you again—”
“Jake,” he begged, and there was a sob just underneath. “They’ll call—they’ll call the A- ASC . . .”
Fuck, Jake was pushing him too hard. “Okay, don’t worry about hunters yet. I’m not letting them near you, I swear to God. But you got to know you have my permission to fight back if those sons of bitches try to hurt you. I won’t be mad at you if you can’t, but if you do, you won’t get in trouble. And like I said, if you can’t, just try to get away, call for help, something.”
“Can’t, can’t, they’ll h-hurt you if I . . . I’m sorry, so sorry.”
Jake smiled sadly. Tobias hadn’t apologized at all yesterday, cutting the words off every single time. But he’d decided to use them now, when Jake was telling him he should protect himself. Fuck, this hurt. “They can try,” he said. “But they won’t be able to. And we’re not going to run into hunters if I can help it. I’m keeping an eye on things, and Boulder is clean. No one needs to come visiting, but we’ll be ready if they do. Tell you what, we’ll take this in baby steps.”
Tobias choked or maybe laughed. It was hard to tell. “B-baby steps?”
“We’ll leave the house, you and me. Maybe go to the park or something.”
Tobias shuddered in his arms. “C-can’t hit a real.”
“Hey, I’m not asking you to!” Jake nudged his shoulder against Tobias’s. “But if a Frisbee tries attacking you again, you’re going to beat that flying sucker into the ground, right?”
Jake knew he was talking nonsense and he didn’t know why he thought it would help. But Tobias’s stare cracked into a smile—an actual smile. The he ducked his head against Jake’s chest. “I can do that,” he said into Jake’s shirt.
Sometimes his nonsense turned out okay. Jake brushed his fingers through Tobias’s hair. “Awesome. That’s what I’m talking about.”
He hadn’t been going to push for the park that same day, but Tobias brought it up after the breakfast dishes were done.
“Would t-today be a good day . . .” He glanced out the window to the sunlit street and took a shaky breath. “It’s nice,” he offered.
Jake might have been an idiot, but he wasn’t that dense. Not when he could still see the tear tracks from their talk. He squashed the impulse to keep Tobias safe inside. That wasn’t going to help either of them. “Well, I guess. It’s a Tuesday, should be less crowded. You want to?”
Tobias searched his face, a careful scrutiny he performed every time Jake asked him something now, looking to see if this was the time he was supposed to say no. Jake bore it out because this stage wasn’t going to be easy for either of them. Baby steps.
“Yes,” he said at last.
Jake felt his face break into a smile, and he nudged some of Tobias’s newest library books with his knee. “Maybe you could bring a couple books, read on the grass, catch some rays.” He’d skimmed one of Tobias’s health books, which had reminded him of the importance of sunlight for vitamin D and serotonin and all that crap. Tobias could use as much as he could get. “We could even drive there, make it real easy.”
Tobias looked down at his book and ran his thumb over the page in a gentle, nearly reverent gesture. Then he looked back up and actually smiled. Small, tentative, but there. “Okay, Jake. I’d like that.”
“Awesome.” Jake squeezed Tobias’s hand once, and Tobias actually squeezed his in return. “Let’s go. Pick out your books. And hey, let’s hit up the bagel shop on the way, see what they’ve got for lunch.”
It was definitely a much better day for visiting the park, Jake decided. Way fewer people, plus he was less of a dumbass than before. And Tobias was handling everything so much better, though Jake steered them away from a group playing Frisbee, just in case.
Moe’s Broadway Bagels was only half full, and as they neared the front of the line, Janet appeared from the kitchen to beam at them.
“Well, hey there, strangers! It’s great to see you again. Wasn’t sure if my bagels had landed you in the hospital with a bona fide food coma, or whether I should be proud or ashamed of that.”
