Page 96 of High Season
“I’m not—”
He holds up one hand.
“Please. Let me finish.”
Nina closes her mouth.
“You’re not yourself,” he says. “You seem… well, frankly, Nina, you seem a bit unhinged.”
She almost laughs. She’s the one who’s a psychologist. She’s the one who knows about these things.
And yet, she recognizes the look of genuine concern on his face. Her brother, who knows her better than almost anyone. Who cares about her, more than almost anyone. Who has always been there, always loved her unconditionally, as if all the love that he used to have for Tamara needed somewhere to go and settled on Nina.
She thinks, then, of the video posted of her at her mother’s birthday party. How even she saw how unstable she had looked. How Ryan had looked at her before she left, as if she was becoming somebody else right in front of him.
“Maybe we should think about getting you to see someone,” Blake is saying.
He tilts his head to one side, sympathy leeching out of him.
“A doctor, or something? Just someone you can talk to about things, before you make any big decisions? Have you been taking your medication?”
She shakes her head, mutely.
“I came off medication last year, you know that—”
“Well, then!” he says, as if that decides it. “I really don’t think you should be making these kinds of big decisions in your current state of mind.”
“I don’thavea current state of mind,” Nina is saying. “Not like that, anyway. I’m fine.”
But she sounds less certain this time. The creep of something in the back of her throat.
Blake takes her hand. Guides her to sit next to him.
“Neens, when everyone you know and love is worried about you, it’s probably time to listen,” he says evenly. “Just don’t go and see Josie Jackson today, OK? You can rearrange for another time. Maybe a bit further down the line. When you’ve had a chance to speak to someone about everything that’s going on with you. You’re making a huge decision here. You don’t need to rush into it.”
“I—”
“And I’ll call your doctor. The one you used to see when you were a kid? I’ll speak to the documentary makers, too. Tell them you weren’t in your right frame of mind when you spoke to them. I’ll tell them about the medication. They won’t be able to use anything you said, if there’s any doubt about your mental health. And I can speak to your work, too, tell them what’s going on. They, of all people, will understand…”
“You’re talking to me like you think I’m crazy,” says Nina.
Her voice wavers on that last word.
Blake knows. He knows that this has always been her worst fear, ever since she was small. Ever since their mother first took her to a psychiatrist. Since the diagnoses began. The anxiety, and the obsessive behavior, and the need for control. Ever since she was first put on medication.
But she can’t deny it—she has been different lately. She knows this. And she is not sure if she is in control anymore.
“Of course you’re not crazy,” Blake says. “You just need support, Nina. You always have. That’s why you have to listen to the people who care about you. The last thing you need to be doing right now is talking to Josie Jackson.”
He squeezes her hand. His eyes look so loving, so concerned. For a moment, Nina sees the picture of Tamara that she’s seen so many times before. Their eyes, she realizes, are still identical. It is like looking into the eyes of a dead girl.
When Nina finds herself nodding, there’s a relief to it. All the stressand the anxiety of the last week taken out of her hands. Allowing someone else to make the decision for her.
“OK,” she says, and she sees his shoulders release. “I won’t see her today. But Blake? I still want to see her. I can’t just leave this.”
“Sure,” he says, soothing. “We’ll figure it all out, Nina. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”
THIRTY-THREE
